Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Ask Mr. Knowitall.......

Hi everybody, If it's Wednesday, it must be time for ..."Ask Mr. Knowitall".......
A Mr. Paul Harvey from Chicago Illinois, asks..Dear Mr. Knowitall....
"Was George Washington a sad man?"
"Dear Paul, George had at least 4 sets of false teeth, which he soaked in port wine everynight to make them taste better. By the time he was president he had only one tooth left and used a set of dentures fashioned from cow's teeth. George later contacted the best dentist in Philadelphia, who produced a state of the art set carved not from wood, but from a hippopotamus tusk. They were thoughtfully made with a hole drilled to fit over his remaining tooth. Sadly, they were not a very good fit. And George was in such constant pain, that he had to take laudenum...Now you know, The rest of the story!!!...Good Day?
A Mr. Richard Fallsoff of Bendover England asks...Dear Mr. Knowitall...
"Weren't the British, the first ones to discover a cure for VD?"
"Dear Richard...Early Brit cures for the clap included..
1.) Having intercourse with a virgin
2.) Rubbing dung into the male organ
3.) Bathing in horse urine
The only regular precaution taken to avoid VD in Elizabethan times was to wash the genitals in vinegar. 18th century cures for VD included a sound thrashing and having the penis wrapped in the warm parts of a freshly dismembered fowl"....Very Cosmopolitan!!!!
A Mr. Tommie Lee of Hasbeen New York asks..Dear Mr. Knowitall..
" Other than Milton Berle, and John Dillinger, name me a more famous 'endowed' personality."
"Dear Tommie, The famous French painter Henri de Toulouse-Lautrec, suffered through a series of childhood accidents that gave him the appearance of a dwarf-But not in every way!
When he lived in a brothel, the prostitutes were amazed by the contrast of his small body size, and his large male 'member'. They affectionately refered to him as "The Teapot""...
Mr. Knowitall grows weary of all this 'Schvance' talk.... Peace!


Serena said...

Holy moly! Are you saying George Washington stayed high on laudenum most of the time? Sheesh. Maybe that's what's wrong with Dubya. Anybody checked his teeth lately?

Aren't you glad you weren't a Brit with the clap? Yowzer!

Thanks to Mr. Knowitall's font of information, I will never think of Toulouse-Lautrec the same again. Or teapots.:-)

morgetron said...

Ohhh. I thought it would be Missy that defiled this comment, but it was Serena. Well played my lady, well played.

morgetron said...

He's a little teapot short and stout, here is his handle, here is his ... spout?



Mona said...

G Man I am disappointed...

I thought you would mention Dolly Parton...

Serena... Dubya has the brain of a buffalo.. check that out :D

Hale McKay said...

A belated Happy Birthday, sir. - And many more to come.

javajazz said...

hmmm, does this mean
you're running out of topics
mr knowitall?

lime said...

pity the virgins who were the cure for the clap. it ain't right.

well, i never knew about tolouse latrec, interesting. and i gotta say, it's been a loooooong time since i heard anyone use the word schvance!

javajazz said...

G know more yiddish words
than i do...i learned most of them
from him...

Little Wing said...

Must have been quite the spout the little fellow had!

jillie said...

OH MAN...I sure am glad I wasn't around in those days....those are some weird "cure alls" there! But then, what else did they have?

Dubya had more that tooth problems...he's a moron for starters...hahaha!

Very well done Mr. Knowitall ;o)


Charles said...

I concur with what Jillie said.

SignGurl said...

What about Milton Berle?

Manny said...

Very interesting G Man. I love that you knowitall. Gotta go check on my teapot now. hehe

G-Man said...

You sure are first a lot!
I love it!!

sorry Baby, valiant effort!!

Does Dolly have a large schvance?

Hale McKay..
Thank You my friend..
Much Obliged....G

How about Schmeckle?

My little schlamazel!!!

Thank You my dear..

Thank You as well..
And for the dinner suggestion..xox

Thank You

Didn't I mention Uncle Miltie?

You have a teapot?
Does it run on batteries?

You had better be careful!..xox