Thursday, March 28, 2013

Friday Flash 55.....

On a Dark Stormy day 1980 years ago, a grieving mother cradles her dead
Son's body. He died a horrific death at the hands of Roman Centurians. He
owned nothing! But a good and upright man named Joseph of Arimathea, gave
the dead man his own tomb, and helped wrap the bloody corpse in a shroud....

Whether you believe that Jesus rose from the dead, or his body was hidden,
these events did indeed happen. And his messy death changed the World Forever!
If you or anyone you know has written a Friday Flash 55
Please come tell The G-Man
I will visit, read, enjoy, comment....Then BOOK!
So from the most gracious host from coast to coast
Have a Kick Ass Week-End

"...Why'd you choose such a backward time in such a strange land?
If you'd chose today you would have been a whole nation.
Israel in 4 BC had no mass communication!"
.................................................................~ Jesus Christ Superstar~

Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Thursday Portrait.....

I'm sure we all have our favorite Diners, Cafe's, or Burger Joint. I sure Do!
On my days off I just love going out for Breakfast at Telly's Coney Island.
This place is always hopping Morning/Noon/Night. The star of the show, and
what really keeps me coming back, is the Breakfast Special. From 7-11 AM
you can get TWO Eggs any style, American Fries or Grits, choice of Toast, and
your choice of Ham, Bacon, Sausage Patties or Links, for $2.99!!!!
I work this Saturday, so I had today off. So it was poached eggs, whole wheat toast,
grits and ham. What a way to start the day!!! With an endless cup of Java at 1.25,
with tax it comes to $4.55!!!!!!  Yeah, 4.55 hehehehe
Tell me about YOUR favorite hang out.....
And don't forget to stop by Thursday 8:00 PM EST, for Friday Flash 55.

Tuesday, March 26, 2013

What the Heck...???

The great observer of American Language, H.L.Mencken once wrote
that really great colorful swearing had been on the decline since The Civil War.
He wrote that in 1944. Coincidently, on today's Yahoo page they
featured a "Top Ten" list of words that could help you brighten-up your cussing.
Of course these words are quite lame, and Yahoo proves once again that
it has NO Clue as to whats REALLY hot and whats not hot.
The G-Man on the other hand, will be offering up his own list of colorful
words that may or may not get you"Expletive Deleted"!!
1.) Bejabbers.
2.) Consarn ...
3.) Dad-Sizzle
4. )Thunderation
5.) Great Horn Spoon
6.) Snails....
7.) Gosh-All Potomic
8.) G. Rover Cripes
9.) By St. Booger and all the Saints at the Back Door of Purgatory!
10.) Jumpin Jiminetti
1.) By The Jesus! ( Jesus wouldn't like his name changed to...Jabbers)
2.) God Damn It? (God prefers Yahweh) Yahweh Damn It!
3.) Dick-Weed! (I just LOVE saying that)
4.) Balls!!! ( appropriate for ANY occasion)
5.) Great Caesar's Ghost! ( Perry White? Clark Kent? C'mon...)
6.) Shit! Piss! Fuck! ( Pick any, they're interchangeable)
7.) God Damn Mother Fucker! (When your REALLY mad!)
8.) Jesus H. Christ! ( His middle name was Hymen)
9.) Fuck YOU and the horse you rode in on! ( hehehehe)
10.) Jumping Jesus or Jumping Jehosaphat
( Not X-Rated, but cooler than Jiminetti)
Feel free to add any favorite Obscenities of your own...:-)

Monday, March 25, 2013

Who Gives a Shit.....

Hi Everybody!!!
This is gonna be short and sweet.
1.) Dancing With The Stars......Who Gives a Shit?
2.) American Idol..... Who Gives a Shit?
Hey Folks, give a fella some help here.....

Thursday, March 21, 2013

Friday Flash 55.....

"BAR-KEEP!!! You got anything stronger than this Autumn King swill?
I've had three and I'm sober as a knob job."

'Harvey...? Did you drive here?

"Naw, I'm crashing just a hop and a jump down the path."

'OK then, (He pours two glasses) heres a double Pimpernil,
with a Queen Anne's Lace chaser!!!'

Ha! They don't call it Wild Carrot for nothing....
If you or anyone you know drinks swill or has written a Friday Flash 55
Please come tell The G-Man
I will visit, read, enjoy, comment....Then BOOK!
So from the most carotene and Velveteen host from coast to coast
Have a Kick Ass Week-End!!!

Wednesday, March 20, 2013

Thursday Portrait.....

"You will discover your hidden talents."

What talent? Oh...You mean the ability to be caustic and irreverant?
Hmmmm...I always thought that it was quite obvious.

"And your Lucky Numbers are......( Do I really need to list them all?)

See you Thursday Night 8:00 PM ........I hope!

Tuesday, March 19, 2013

Happy Ostara/Equinox.....

In the early days of Christianity, Pagan and Rustic Traditions were
incorporated into the new growing religious movement so that the
converts could more easily identify with seasonal Holidays. This is how
Easter evolved into the Commercial Cash Bunny that it is now...
OSTARA....Is a day when the light and dark are in perfect balance!
It is a day of potential, and will partly decide how the coming year will occur.
It is a time of rebirth. One should take some sort of action on this day that is
symbolic of what you intend to do for the rest of the year.
EGGS....Are a symbol of creation. They have BOTH God and Goddess
qualities. The Yellow yolk symbolizes the Sun God, while the birthing/creative
aspect of the egg reresents the Mother Goddess. The dying, painting, and gifting
of eggs was a Springtime tradition. Burying the eggs in the ground, was meant
to bring fertility.
RABBITS....Are sacred to the Goddess Eostre (Saxon Goddess of the Spring)
The fact that they are so prolific, make them the perfect symbol of fertility.
Cadbury carries on these traditions to this very day!!!
So in honor of The Vernal/Ostara Equinox I will NOT eat or kill ANY bunnies,
and doing what I do EVERY March 20th, I'll balance an egg on it's end!!!
Try it....It works!!!

Monday, March 18, 2013

Who Gives a Shit?

Hi Everybody...!!!
This week I only have three annoyances worthy of my list,
perhaps you can add to the melange....
1.) Carnival Cruise's vacation woes...Who Gives a Shit?
2.) Ryan Seacrest break-up rumors...Who Gives a Shit?
3.) Miley Cyrus break-up rumors...... Who Gives a Shit?

Jeez-O-Pete, How in the Fuck are these people news-worthy at all?
See ya tomorrow....G

Thursday, March 14, 2013

Friday Flash 55.....

"Doc, ya gotta help me...I'm Haunted!"
Skeptical, the Specialist examined him thoroughly.
Listening to his thigh, a tiny voice whimpered...'I need Fifty Bucks'
Totally SHOCKED, he moved the stethescope to his knee...
'Twenty Bucks PLEASE, just Twenty Bucks'!
Finally the Doctor concluded...."Young man, you're NOT haunted.
But your leg is broke in two places"!

Ha!!!! Even at my advanced age, I'm still capable of producing a Groaner.
If you or anyone you know has a groaner or a Flash Fiction 55
Please come tell The G-Man
I will visit, read, enjoy, comment ....Then BOOK!
So from the corniest host from coast to coast
Have a Kick Ass Week-End!!!

Wednesday, March 13, 2013

Thursday Portrait.....

We interrupt the Thursday Portrait to give a LARGE Shout-Out to...
Jorge Mario Bergoglio...The NEW Popo di Tutti Popi
Pope Francis 1

The First Francis
The First Jesuit
The First Argentinian

Elected to the Papacy by....FIFTY-FIVE votes!!!!

Hats off, or should I say....Mitres off to YOU Frankie.
See you all Thursday 8:00 PM

Wednesday Wednesday.....

They're Creepy and they're Kooky....

Tuesday, March 12, 2013

TMI Tuesday.....

Even though she makes the "Who Gives a Shit" list almost every week, hats
off to trooper Kim Kardashian. Kim was a celebrity contestant this past Sunday
on the Sci Fi series Fear Factor. When it was her turn to draw a card and see
what her challenge was, she was given a choice....
Bang a White Guy
Muff Dive a chick having her period
I think we all know which challenge she chose.
With that choice, Kim has now acquired a record setting FIFTEEN "Skank of The Week"
awards. Congratulations Kim, she gives a licking, and keeps on ticking!!!

Monday, March 11, 2013

Who Gives a Shit.....?

Hi Everybody...!!!
Not much going on in the Big Yawn Dept. this week.
So if you can help me out, Please Do.

1.) Elizabeth Hassellbeck leaving The View...Who Gives a Shit?
2.) Joy Behar leaving The View...Who Gives a Shit?
3.) The View....Who Gives a Shit?
4.) Justin Bieber's London Antics...Who Gives a Shit?

Thursday, March 7, 2013

Friday Flash 55.....

Hi Sweeties...
It's been rumored lately that sometimes I appear drunk
while on the air. Drunk on Mogen David and 7-Up? C'Mon!!!
So, to all you rumor spreaders...Fock You!
In further news, former Pope Benedict LXIX was said to
be flatulent in 7 different languages. Really? I can koochie-belch the
Greek alphabet!

You tell em Diane, don't take any shit from those Dick-Weeds at FOX!
If you or anyone you know is flatulent or has written a Friday Flash 55
Please come tell The G-Man
I will visit, fart, read, enjoy, comment....Then BOOK!!
So from the most odiferous host from coast to coast
Have a Kick Ass Week-End

Wednesday, March 6, 2013

Thursday Portrait.....

Every saleperson is issued a Dealer Plate so that potential buyers can take
a test drive without getting pulled over. They expire in February each year.
Yesterday I was issued my new plate. Do you think that some sort of
Mystic Karma is at work here? When the office manager handed me the plate,
I just smiled and walked away. Freaky Eh?
See you Thursday Evening 8:00 PM, for more Freaky Goings on...:-)

Tuesday, March 5, 2013

In Like A.....

Boy oh boy, March sure is "In like a Lion" so far eh?
Hey....You guys wouldn't be up for a little History lesson would you?
Too bad, you're getting one anyway.
The first time that the month of March was given an Axiom/Maxim was around
the era of the Cro-Magnon. Back then March was known as Gurn.
"Gurn...bodego clitty tatanka, walla walla bing bang"! Translated means,
March, goes in like Charging Buffalo, goes out like a Still-Born Woodchuck!
The last Ice-Age age caused a little change in comparisons due to the climate,
(Translated loosly)..."March, In like a Polar Bear, then just sits around and goes
NOWHERE for a few thousand years like an unemployed Brother-In-Law"!!
With the receding finally of the last glacier, Africa became a hotbed of civilization.
Giving rise to this old Egyption saying. (Translated thusly) "March, in like a Giant
Crocodile, out like a Proboscus Monkey"!
That probably would be the standard Almanac Quote to this day, except for the
fact that Colonial women could only fit Lion and Lamb on their Samplers.
So there you have it Peeps, see you tomorrow....G-Man

Monday, March 4, 2013

Who Gives a Shit?

Hi Everybody.....
One of this weeks Winner's of Ennui may be disputed because so many
actually watch something on PBS other than Antiques Road Show but...
Who Gives a Shit?...Enjoy and contribute.

1.) The Sequester...Who Gives a Shit?
2.) Dennis Rodman and Kim Jung Jug...Who Gives a Shit?
3.) Downton Abbey...Who Gives a Shit?
4.) Charlie Sheen wanting to mentor Lindsay Lohan...Who Gives a Shit?
5.) Mitt and Ann Romney's angst over losing the election...Who Gives a Shit?