Saturday, March 31, 2007

The Name Game.....

Ok, so much for old TV intro's, hows about a little movie name dropping? This is just a lazy Saturday Night post that everybody can enjoy, and have fun with.....
Do you have a favorite movie name? There is no rhyme nor reason why certain names trip your trigger forever. If you like Horror Films, of course you have Michael Myers and Freddie Kreuger. But these names to me are not exotic enough ! Now mind you this is just my own warped opinion, there is no right or wrong, if you don't agree with anything I say, post something yourself...But to me when I hear the name, Kaiser Souza, chills run up my spine..
Also I am kind of partial to Hannibal Lector...Creepy, because he is so real! Of the movie monsters, the two names I really like are Count Dracula's real name...Vlad Tepes..Vlad the Impaler! And a mild mannered man, as long as there is no full moon, Lawrence Talbot...
These are just neat names to me....I always liked the name of a squirrly little man in the great Bogey movie The Maltese Falcon. A part played expertly by Petter Lorre......Joel Cairo.

In almost everyones profile, they have listed their favorite movies. In my profile I have listed Jeremiah Johnson. I love that movie, and I can almost recite every line by heart. My two favorite names in that movie are his Mountain Man buddy..Del Gue, and the name of a Flathead Indian Cheif named Two Tongues LeBeau. I will blurt out lines from that movie without warning, and for no apparant reason at times, just for a grin..Towards the end of that movie when Del Gue was saying his last good bye to Jeremiah, as he rode off he had a magnificent shouting soliloquey..I'll only give you the 1st lines.." When I told my Mam and Pap that I wanted to be a mountain man, they acted like they was gut-shot!!"...Sometimes during a bad month in car sales I will stand up in my office and loudly declare.." When I told my wife I wanted to be a car salesman, she acted like she was gut-shot!!" Some know what I am talking about, some look like THEY was gut-shot!..Do you incorporate movie lines into your daily talk?

Finally, I have always loved very old school Comedy Movies. My two favorite characters were
W.C. Fields and Groucho Marx. They had the greatest names on screen...
W.C. Fields had names like....
Ambrose Wolfinger
Larson E Whipsnade
Egbert Souse'
Gretchen Schickelgruber
Eustace McGargle
Mahatma Jeeves

Some of Groucho's monikers were...
Rufis T. Firefly
Otis B. Driftwood
Dr. Hugo Hackenbush
J. Cheever Loophole
S. Quinton Quale
Wolf J. Flywheel

Now, all you have to do is tell me your favorite movie character name..
This can be in the form of just a comment, or a challenge , or an essay...... Peace.. Galen

Friday, March 30, 2007

Sci Fi TV.............

If you can remember these...Then I don't feel so bad!.....

Look! Up in the sky! It's a bird! It's a plane! It's Superman!!
Yes it's Superman! Strange visitor from another planet, that came to earth with powers and abilities far beyond those of mortal men! Superman, who can change the course of mighty rivers,
bend steel in his bare hands, and who, disguised as Clark Kent, mild mannered reporter for a great metropolitan newspaper, Fights a never ending battle of Truth, Justice, and the American way!!

Space, the final frontier, These are the voyages of the Starship Enterprise. It's five year mission: To explore strange new worlds: To seek out life and new civilizations; To boldly go where no man has gone before!

( This is the original opening, Not the one you may be used to. )
There is a fifth dimension beyond that which is known to man. It is a dimension as vast as space and as timeless as infinity. It is the middle ground between light and shadow, beyond science and superstition, and it lies between the pit of mans fears, and the summit of his knowledge. This is the dimension of imagination. This is an area which we call the Twilight Zone.

There is nothing wrong with your television. Do not attempt to adjust the picture. We are controlling the transmission. If we wish to make it louder, we will bring up the volume. If we wish to make it softer, we will tune it to a whisper. We will control the horizontal. We will control the vertical. We will roll the image to make it flutter. We can change the focus to a soft blur, or sharpen it to crystal clarity. For the next hour, sit quietly and we will control all that you see and hear. WE REPEAT: There is nothing wrong with your television set! You are about to participate in a great adventure. You are about to experiance the awe and mystery which reaches from the inner mind to.....The Outer Limits...

I can also recite the Green Lanterns Oath that he took when he recharged his Power Ring!!
But I think I'll spare you that today......Mr. Knowitall....Hahahahaha... Peace!

Thursday, March 29, 2007

My First 55.........

It ended when you said goodbye
Oh baby thats what I like
Feed your head. Feed your head
Meaner than a junk yard dog!
I sold my soul to the company store
In the jingle jangle morning I'll come following you!
And when he died, all he left us was alone
Musical Famous Last Words!

What Time Is It? HNT

Monday, March 26, 2007

Say Ahhh......

Isn't it funny how you may have known something, and never realized that you've still got that crap floating around in the recesses of your brain? And all it takes is one word, or a song, or a phrase that makes it just as clear as beer piss!! That happened to me today at work. As I was filling out some paper work at my desk , a young child was wandering around the showroom. She had something in her hand that she wanted to give to her Mommy. Just as I looked up to smile at her, she looked at her Mom and said.."Look Ma!"...And immediately my mind raced back in time to the 60's , when one of the most popular catch phrases was " Look Ma...No Cavities"!
Just then, a man with a deep voice said.." Crest has shown to be an effective decay preventive dentifrice, when used in a conciensciously applied program of oral hygiene , and regular professional care". Plus that was emblazened on every tube of Crest toothpaste...Of course that kicked Mr. Knowitall into high gear. So let me tell you a little about Oral Hygiene....

People have been cleaning their teeth for thousands of years. Many ancient cultures used 'chew sticks'..Pencil sized twigs with one end frayed into soft bristles..Some have been excavated from tombs that are over 5000 years old.
The first toothbrush to resemble a modern one, originated in China around 1498. The bristles were plucked from hogs, and set into sticks of bamboo, or handles of bone. But animal hair is porous and water absorbant, which makes it a breeding ground for bacteria, so brushing did more harm than good. But none the less, Hog hair was used well into the 19th century. Toothbrushing didn't become popular in the U.S. until the late 30's. The main reason was the invention of the nylon bristle by Dupont in 1938. America finally had a substitute for the Hog Hair !!
History's first recorded toothpaste, was an Egyptian mixture of ground pumice and strong wine.
But the early Romans brushed their teeth with human urine...and also used it as mouthwash!
Actually, urine was an active component of toothpastes and mouthwashes well into the 18th century. The ammonia that it contains gave it a strong cleansing power. In poorer households baking soda was also used. What an abrasive!!
Fluoridated toothpaste came about as a result of a discovery made in Naples in 1802. Local dentists used it to clean yellow teeth, and during subsequant treatments they noticed the absence of cavities. However it took a while for the discovery to be implemented.The first U.S. water tests with fluoride didn't take place until 1915, and the first toothpaste with it , didn't hit the stores until 1956.....Crest!...."Look Ma..No Cavities"!

And now you know ...the rest of the story! Good Day............Peace.......Dr. G

Just Another Manic Monday....

What are you afraid of?....Failure?.....Bancruptcy?....Premature Ejaculation?....Clowns?...We all are afraid of something! I have a fear of offending people, even though I can be quite abrasive at times, I know in my heart that I don't mean things the way they come out . But my big mouth has gotten me my share of pissed off people in my day. Some people don't like to fly...
Aerophobia! Some people don't like to be confined...Claustrophobia! Those that know me at all know that I also suffer from ...Emetophobia, the fear of vomiting..I have not puked since I was 12 years old, I hate pukers, and all talk of puke ( except Jenn of course )! But we all are afraid of something, and I'd like to know what that fear is...We are not alone you know, famous people past and present have well publicized fears. For example....

Napoleon, Hitler, and Mussolini. All suffered from Aliurophobia...Fear of Cats.
Writer Harriett Martineau, and Novelist Wilkie Collins suffered from Taphophobia...Fear of premature burial
Brad Pitt suffers from Ichthyphobia... Fear of Sharks...Even on dry land!
Howie Mandel suffers from Baccillophobia...Fear of Germs! He refuses to shake hands!
Alfred Hitchcock had Ovophobia...Fear of Eggs.
Natalie Wood suffered from Hydrophobia... Fear of water, Sadly enough she fell off of a yacht and drowned!
George Bernard Shaw had Coitophobia...Fear of sex...I know one person.....Never mind!
Composer Robert Schumann suffered from Metallophobia...Fear of metal! Especially Keys!
But apparantly not the Key of E-Flat Major, in which he wrote his Symphony No. 3!!!
Queen Christina of Sweden had Entomophobia...Fear of Insects...She hated fleas so much that she had a itty bitty Cannon built so that she could shoot at them all day long!

Anyway here are a small list of other phobias that may be of interest to you...

Acrophobia...Fear of Heights
Carcinophobia...Fear of cancer
Brontophobia...Fear of Thunder
Necrophobia...Fear of the dead
Apotemnophobia...Fear of Amputees
Bolshephobia...Fear of Bolsheviks
Bromidrosiphobia..Fear of body odor
Defacaloesiophobia...Fear of Painful bowel movement
Discadecaphobia...Fear of Friday the 13th
Geniophobia...Fear of chins
Medomalacuphobia...Fear of losing an erection
Papaphobia...Fear of the Pope
Peladophobia...Fear of Bald people
Taeniophobia...Fear of Tapeworms
Venustraphobia...Fear of Beautiful women
Eurotophobia...Fear of Female genitalia
And Maybe the most prevalent phobia of all, Zemmiphobia...Fear of the Great Mole Rat!!

I think out of all that I've named here ...You can find one that suits you! Or maybe you have a stranger one that you'd like to share with the G-Man....Maybe?.....Peace

Sunday, March 25, 2007

Who Killed Cock Robin?.........

Throughout our lives we have always had great unanswered questions. Questions like...
Is there a God...and if so whats her name?
How will I be remembered?
Why don't cashiers put your receipt in the bag at the grocery store anymore?
If a tree fell in the forest and no one was there, would there be a sound?
If a man and a woman were arguing in the forest and no one was there, would he still be wrong?
What came first, the chicken or the egg?
When taking a newspaper from a stack of papers, why do we NEVER take the top one?
If Quantas Airlines merged with Aer Lingus, would it be called Quantas Lingus?
Is there life after death?
Are we worth more dead or alive?..UH Oh!...theres a question that I think Mr. Knowitall can help us with.......Here are the worlds Top Ten Highest Earning Dead People.....

Elvis Presley..45 million per year Thank You, Thank You Very Much!!

Charles Schultz..28 million per year Rats!

John Lennon..20 million a year Cold Turkey!

Andy Warhol..16 million per year He got more than his 15 minutes!

Theodor S. Geisel ( Dr. Seuss ) 10 million a year I'm dead I am!

Marlon Brando..11.3 million a year I could have been a cadaver!

Marilyn Monroe..8 million a year Favorite Group...The Dead Kennedys

JR.R. Tolkien..8 million a year Bilbo BodyBag

George Harrison..7 million a year While My Guitar Gently Sleeps Forever

Johnny Cash..7 million a year The Man In Black

Man, that was kind of depressing! Hows about G-Man leaves you with a little joke......

A Nun was feeling very guilty about something, so she decided to go to confession....
" Bless me Father for I have sinned"
The Priest...'What is it my child'?
" Father, I am feeling so ashamed of myself, underneath my habit, I do NOT wear any underwear"!
The Priest.." God has forgiven you my child...For your pennance, say 5 Our Fathers...5 Hail Marys...And do 5 cartwheels'!!!.......

Have a great Sunday everybody.........Peace .....Galen

Saturday, March 24, 2007

I Fought The Law........

Top Cat did a post like this a few weeks back, and he only scratched ( get it? ) the surface....

Strange Laws.....

In Las Vegas, it's illegal to pawn your dentures..

In Naomi Kansas, it's illegal to throw knives at men that wear stripped suits...

I'ts illegal to sleep with your boots on in Tulsa Oklahoma.

You can't tie a crocodile to a hydrant in Michigan...

If your over 88, you can't ride a motorcycle in Idaho Falls, Idaho...

It's against the law in Vermont to whistle underwater.

In Alabama, It's illegal to play Dominoes on Sunday..

It's illegal to eat snakes in Kansas..`

In Barber N.C. it's illegal for a cat to fight a dog, ( or Vice Versa )

You can't sleep with chickens in Clawson Mi.

You Can't walk an elephant without a leash in Wisconsin..

In Omaha Ne. It's illegal for barbers to shave the chests of patrons...

In California, It's illegal to hunt whales from your car..It's also illegal to use your dirty underwear as dust rags

In St. Louis Mo. it's illegal to drink beer from a bucket while you are sitting on a curb..

A Cotton Valley La. law forbids cows and horses from sleeping in a bakery..

The Maximum Penalty for double parking in Minneapolis Minnesota, is working on a chain gang with nothing more than bread and water...

Hey I don't make this stuff up........Peace.............Galen

Thursday, March 22, 2007

Words of Wisdom...

OK kids, short and sweet. Free advice from the past.....

The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not....Mark Twain

If four guys tell you that you are drunk, even though you have not had a drop, the least you can do is to lie down......Joseph Schenk

A man is a fool if he drinks before he reaches fifty, and a fool if he doesn't drink afterward...
Frank Lloyd Wright

Never go to a doctor, whose office plants have died....Erma Bombeck

A womans dress should be like a barbed wire fence, serving it's purpose, without obstructing the view....Sophia Loren

Never underestimate a man, who overestimates himself...FDR

To be a good speachmaker.....Be sincere...Be brief....Be seated....FDR

The secret of dealing successfully with a not to be It's parent..Mell Lazarus

Saving is a very fine thing, especially when your parents do it for you...Winston Churchill

Never put off until tomorrow, what you can do the day after tommorrow...Mark Twain

You can lead a horse to water, but a pencil must be lead...Soupy Sales

If you see a man running down an alley with a butcher knife and a hard-on, you gotta figure he's a rapist...Dirty Harry Callahan

Sorry for any inconveniance...and thank you for your cooperation....G-Man . Peace.

Skullman HNT

Tuesday, March 20, 2007

That Grilled Cheese Looks Like........

Greetings everybody. Old G-Man here is on a real informational jag . I was raised in a Roman Catholic household. I attended public schools, but I attended Catechism for 12 years at our church. I also studied religion in college, so I have had my share of of religious dogma crammed down my throat.
There are a few facts though that are true enough, but somehow failed to make the Sunday School Study Guide.......

The Book of Esther is the only book in the Bible that neglects to mention God!

Although the Church has always frowned on adultry, it did not get around to banning sex with animals until the Council of Ankara in 314 A.D.

The modern confessional box was invented in the middle ages, to help stop priests from assaulting women.

The early Church held that the Virgin Mary was impregnated by her ear. Fear of aural penetration was so widespread that it led to a fashion craze for tight-fitting wimples..

The Catholic Church accepts cannibalism as a justifiable means of saving ones life..

Onan, 'spilled his seed' in Genesis38:9.. He is the Bibles only masturbator. That passage caused the Church to condemn that practice, and gave rise(so to speak) to the word 'Onanism'. In Victorian times it was a popular term for self-abuse!!

The Bible is full of Lepers because it was written at a time when any skin defect, even acne, would get you branded as a Leper. In actuality, most 'Lepers' probably had Syphilis..

The Church adopted celibacy as a code for the priesthood in 1123. 350 years later, Pope InnocentVIII became known as the 'Honest,' because he admitted that he fathered several bastards. He only fessed up because there were rumors floating around that he was a woman.

Before the reformation, men could be excommunicated for wearing wigs. The Church required men's hair to be short, straight, and unadorned..

And those people that know anything about me at all, knows how much I hate this one...
The Old Testament Book of Ecclesiastes, recommends clearing the stomach by throwing up before or during a big meal to make room for more food..

I know one should never talk about religion and politics, but what the Hell, this shit really happened. I'm only the messenger.......Peace.....Galen

Monday, March 19, 2007


OK, I'm on a price roll here. If you happened to own any item of value, one thing is for certain, you can sell it on E-Bay. ..Or so I thought, until I started to do a little research on marketable items. I've compiled a list of things that have yet to appear on E-Bay, but they still could.......

ADOLF HITLER'S TOILET SEAT..In 1968, former U.S. fighter pilot Guy Harris claimed he rescued the lavatorial requisite from Hitler's bunker in 1945, because it was the only item that he could find after the Russians scavenged everything else! The buyer remains anonymous...

JEFFREY DAHMER'S REFRIDGERATOR...In 1996, the fridge in which Dahmer " The Milwaukee Cannibal " stored his victims skulls, was to be auctioned off to help settle claims made by their families. The sale was called off at the last minute though,for fear of bad publicity.

TOTO..In 1996, the stuffed carcass of Dorothy's little dog in " The Wizard of Oz ", fetched $8,000 at auction.

LEE HARVEY OSWALD'S TOE TAG...In 1992, the bloodstained toe tag from Oswald's corpse was sold at auction in NYC for $ 6,600. The item was removed by the ambulance driver as he drove him to the Dallas Morgue.

BONNIE and CLYDE'S HAIR...In May 1934, the legendary bank robbers were ambushed in their car by a posse of patroleman and perforated by 77 bulletts. Which in turn, sprayed their brains all over the upholstery. The vehicle and contents were quickly trashed by locals hunting for trophies, including locks of Bonnie Parkers hair. One man was arrested as he tried to saw off one of Clyde Barrow's ear..There are still hair samples floating around..

BLADDER STONES of the FAMOUS...When Sir Henry Thompson, Urologist to the Crowned Heads of Europe, died. He bequethed over 1000 stones to the Royal College of Surgeons in London. Among his stones, were those taken from Leopold I of Belgium, and Napoleon III.

EVA PERON'S SHROUD...In 2004 the silk shroud covering the embalmed remains of Eva Peron, wife of the dictator Juan Peron, sold at auction for $160,000...

THE LAST DYING BREATH OF THOMAS EDISON...Henry Ford captured it in a bottle in 1931.

THE WORLD'S MOST EXPENSIVE TURD...This is a 9 inch Viking deuce layed down over 1000 years ago. Officially it is known as The Lloyds Bank Turd. The unique stool was discovered in an archeological dig under that bank in London. It is insured for $400,000. dollors. It is so highly valued because of it's near perfect condition, a rarity among 1000 year old pieces of shit...

Hey people, I don't make this stuff up! I am merely the facilitator of information.....Peace.

Saturday, March 17, 2007

Cost of Living.........

OK, remember in my last post how my son stuck me for 4 bucks? Well that caused quite a jog in the G-Mans memory bank.....
Fourth grade was a monumental year for young G-Boy. What made it so special, was that I got a raise in my allowance that year....From .10 cents to .25 cents! You might think that was a ridiculously small amount, but let me tell you that it was awesome. Almost every single candy bar was .05 cents. The only exception was the Zero Bar, man what a great value at .03 cents! They still sell it, but it cost the same as all the others. Pretzel Sticks in that tall clear recepticle thing, was 2 for a penny. A great cheap treat was also the salted pumpkin seeds. You could buy that small red box of them for .02 cents! A box of Cracker Jack was only a dime.
Every single Saturday for years was spent at the Burton Theater. One of the neighborhood parents would drop us off at Noon to stand in line for the box office to open. The admission was .75 cents, if you were lucky enough to get a Dollar, that left you with .25 cents to splurge on refreshments! Piece of cake...Because popcorn was a dime, a soft drink was a dime, and that left you with a nickel to buy a Slo-Poke sucker with, and trust me they earned their name of the " all day sucker". There were no fast food places back then, so everyone had their own special corner Diner to go to. There was a fantastic place right across the street from our elementary school called Cobb's Fine Foods. Every other Friday, if I did all my chores, my Mom would give me a dollar Bill for lunch. We did not have a cafeteria at our school , but we got an hour for lunch. Most kids lived within one mile from school so we usually went home to eat, but when you did get to eat out, what a treat! You could get a great burger for .25 cents, an order of fries for .25 cents, and Real Malt for .25 cents...So you could get 2 burgers, an order of fries, and a chocolate malt for a 1.02 with tax...Yeah baby!!!
When Mcdonalds did come into town, you would not believe what a sensation that caused....
Burgers were a dime, Big Macs were a quarter, Cheese Burgers were .15 cents, Real fries made from real potatoes were .15 cents, and their thick shakes were .25 cents each! You do the math.
There used to be a phenomenom called a gas war! Competing stations, that were full service mind you, would do crazy shit to earn your business. They would give away redeemable stamps that you filled up coupon books with, and when they were filled up, you could get tons of great items. They gave away Drinking glasses, Dinner plates, theater passes, you name it, they were screaming for your business. I remember gas selling for a low of 17.9 cents a gallon for regular. High test was 19.9 cents.
The first time I ever went to Florida for Spring-Break, we were really worried because of the first ever Arab Oil Embargo. It was in 74 or 75, I can't rightly recall, but there were huge lines wrapped around the corner at most stations because gas had shot up to .56 cents a gallon!!
Hell, I felt Damn lucky yesterday when I got .20 cents off on my Kroger Card, and filled up my tank for 2.19 a gallon!!!
I guess what I'm getting at, is that when Reese scammed me out of that 4 dollors last week on the shitty shit paper, he got me for 4 whole months allowance.....GGrrrrrrrrrr! PUNK!!!

Please enjoy whats left of your week-end. Peace.. The G-Man!!!

Thursday, March 15, 2007

This Magic Moment...

Words of advice from the G-Man....Never send your teen-aged son into the store with a Five-Dollar Bill to buy toilet paper, and tell him to keep the change!
Yikes! My poor bumm is used to the Charmin, or Northern, or any soft, brand name paper.. NOT Kroger's lowest value saver generic sandpaper-like flimsy rough bullshit!! I could have killed him when I got home, but by then the store was closed...
I felt like I was in some Communist country of the Fifties for a day or two, until I got off my dead ass and got some Charmin / with aloe...AAhhhhhhhh. What a relief!!..Of course all this pain inspires informative blogging posts, so Mr. Knowitall did a little research. I call this post.....

Magic Moments in Toilet Paper History!

1400 ..The first toilet paper is made for the Emperor of China. It comes in only one size..2' by 3' sheets

1509 ..King HenryVIII appoints a Groom of the Stool...Who's sole funtion is to clean the Royal Anus by hand. It becomes a highly respected and coveted position.

1725 ..The French author Francois Rabelais in his book "Gargantua", recommends wiping with nettles, velvet handkerchiefs, carpets, or for added comfort, the neck of a goose.

1750 ..Although worldwide, mussel shells and corncobs are widely used for cleaning purposes, Hawaiian Islanders prefer to use coconut husks.

1880 ..Publishers of " The Old Farmers Almanac" improves circulation by punching a hole in the corner, so it can be hung by a nail in the out-house.

1890 ..The Scott Paper Co. produces the first perforated toilet paper. But is leery of calling it that...So in their ads they call it, " curl papers for hairdressing".

1930 ..Sears customers are enraged when their catalog is printed on glossy, non-absorbant paper!

1942 ..Englands first soft two-ply paper, is advertised as ' splinter free '. And is only available at Harrods..Meanwhile, the countries best selling novelty toilet paper, is printed in one-ply, with images of Adolf Hitler on each sheet.

1967 ..During the recording sessions for "Sergeant Peppers Lonly Hearts Club Band", George Harrison complains to the studio head, that the paper was scratchy...An executive decision was made at the board meeting to replace it with a softer variety..

1984 ..A Christian group, the World Reformed Alliance, sends 20,000 free Bibles to Romania. When they arrive, the dictator Nicolae Ceausescu pulps them all into toilet paper. However the pulping process is so poor that the words God, Jeremiah, and Moses, are clearly visible..

1994 ..A severe national toilet paper shortage in Cuba, leads to the ransacking of librarys where many rare books are soon wiped to speak! A Cuban official explained, such a thing was to be expected, since all of the telephone books was long since used up..

2000 ..Japanese inventors unveil the paperless toilet, a device that washes, rinses, and blow dries your ass with a heating element...

I hope you all learned a thing or two today, courtesy of......The G-Man. Peace!!

Tattoo 2 HNT

Tuesday, March 13, 2007

Pavlov's Dog......

What a grand and glorious day today was!! Has anyone seen a Robin yet? I had a post in mind for today, and while I was looking something up, I grabbed a book that I have owned for a long time. Hmmmmmmm

You know how certain sensory stimuli triggers certain memories? Well thats what happened to me today. Stuck in the middle of Roget's Thesaurus was an envelope. Inside the envelope was a picture of my old girlfriend. A picture and a poem... We went together for 4 years. She was the first love of my life. Her father was a Doctor, but a nice enough guy. Her Mom didn't like me much, but kept it to herself. But they had MY whole life planned out for me and I bolted...

In the long run it was probably best...for her! But I can't change time, and my two children are priceless to me so I'll never look back. But we had something special, and I set her free...

I used to be well read. I used to write a bit. But over the years I got real lazy thanks to Cable.

Reading this depressing little poem that I wrote years ago, drifted me back to a very turbulant era in America. And my life then.....Hey......I was young, cut me some slack...

I long for her comfort
Her beautiful face
Her loving arms
Her warm embrace
When passion owned us
We greeted the Dawn
Then Mindless Ecstacy
Was suddenly gone
Insatiable hunger
Unspeakable Pain
Incurable Loneliness
The recurring refrain
Floating aimlessly
In an endless sea
Throbbing Emptiness
Where my Heart used to be.

I still miss her..............G

Monday, March 12, 2007

Spring Fever.......

This will not be a typical G-Man post. I've been doing this posting stuff now for about 6 months. I really enjoy it. I love entertaining a captive audience. I love sharing experiences with my new friends. But it can get out of hand. I know that at this very moment, there are several bloggers smiling to themselves right now because they know EXACTLY what I'm talking about. I love the bantering that goes on in the comment rooms. I love Blog Whoring out every post I can. I love acting like an irate mad man because someone beat me to the first comment. I love having a perfect comeback. I love giving heads up to the people I love . I love this shit!!!!!
But in can get out of hand. You can lose your focus. That is of course if you even had a focus to lose. I absolutely have to stop blogging at work during the day. No one told me that I had to, but I just know that I do! I think that it won't be the big deal that I'm making it out to be, but it feels like I'm losing something. I'll still post often, but I won't be around during the day much to instigate trouble on the daily grind..I really feel a sense of loss....
So please visit still, and comment often. Galen's Chat Room is always everybody's home as far as I'm concerned..I'll try to make you think, I'll try to make you smile, and who know's, you may even learn a thing or two along the way....I sure have!!.......I love you all,....Galen

Saturday, March 10, 2007

Help a Brother Out..........

Everyone having a good week-end? Good!! As you all know, the G-Man is an abundance of age and knowledge...Hence my alter ego, Mr. Knowitall! I certainly can't know everything, but what I don't know, really doesn't matter.......But, being the open minded person that I am, I'm willing to ask for help on some unanswered issues.
In this post I'm going to share some little known facts that I do know, but I'll also ask for a little help on a few troubling questions.

These are some little known facts on the Amish......Favorite Amish Summer Pastimes:

1.) Drinking molasses till you puke.

2.) Blowing past the Dairy Queen in a really bitchin' Clydesdale.

3.) Sleeping in till 6 am.

4.)Driving to Reading and kicking some Mennonite ass.

5.) Buttermilk Keggers!

Ok, I'm sure that these things are true! But I'm not quite so sure on these items....

1.) Does virgin wool come from ugly sheep?

2.) Is Pokemon really a Jamaican Proctologist?

3.) If a person checked out a book at the library on suicide...Would you get the book back?

4.) Is a Midget with 40 # testicles really 1/2 nuts?

5.) Is the reason a Rooster has no hands...Because Hens have no tits?

There...I said it. There ARE some things that even I can't be certain of........

And since no one hardly ever posts anything on a warm March week-end, that wasn't too bad was it? A little food for thought as it will...........Thanks for visiting. Peace.......Galen

Oh yeah.......and to all you Virgins out there, Thanks for Nothing!!

Thursday, March 8, 2007

Friday Funnies.....

Why do women fake orgasms?......Because they think we care!

What do tight pants and a cheap hotel have in comman?.....No ball room!

Two guys sitting in a bar, the first one says,"Marriage is like a barrel thats 1/2 filled with honey, and 1/2 filled with shit"! The second guy says, "I must have opened mine upside down"!

Why did God give women a belly-button?...So theres a place to stash your gum on the way down!

How can you tell if your a dyslexic schizophrenic?...You always think you are following somebody!

A blond went to see a Doctor and complained, " I keep seeing spots before my eyes", the Doctor asked her, ' have you seen an Ophtalmologist?' She said, "No.....Just spots"!

A recent study reports that 70% of gay men were born that way....The other 30% were sucked into it!!

Whats better than HONOR?..........IN'er!!

A guy walks into a bar, his face was all bruised and bleeding! The bartender says" What happened to you, buddy?" The guy says,' I got into a fight with my girlfriend because I called her a cheap whore'! The bartender says, "yeah, what did she do?' The guy says, " she hit me with her bag of nickels!"

Why didn't Dick Cheney get into more trouble for shooting someone in the face? Clinton got impeached for doing the same thing!!

Why is a thong like a barbed wire fence?....It protects the property, without obstructing the view!!

A G-Man Joke...A guy walks into our dealership and spots a Z-O6 Corvette, as he bends over to touch the leather seat, he rips a huge fart! Embarassed, he looks around to see if anybody heard the slip....Just then I walk up and say " Welcome to Vic Canever Chevrolet, can I help you?"
He then asks, ' whats the price of this Vette?' I then said, " Ya know, I'd rather not say". He then asked me ' why not'? So I said...." Look, if you farted just by touching the car, you'll shit when you hear the price"!!!

Three mice sitting in a tough neighborhood bar...Trying to out impress each other the first mouse downs a shot of whiskey and says," I set off mouse-traps with my foot, catch the bar on the way down, then I eat the cheese!"... The second mouse downs two shots of whiskey, and says," I gather all the rat poisen I can, grind it all up, and snort it like coke!"....The third mouse downs three shots of whiskey and says, " I ain't got time for this shit, I gotta go home and fuck the cat!!"

You may either smile and keep surfing, or stop and share one with the G-Man.......Peace!!!

Tattoo HNT

Monday, March 5, 2007

The Corner Store..

I like supporting local business. Even though a Home Depot is less than 2 miles from my house, I prefer to get all of my hardware needs from a local chain that still has about 6 stores. Each store probably employs 10 - 15 people, and many are of high school age. You know that store. When you walk in the place the first thing you notice is the wood floors. There is always a smiling young face wearing a nail apron willing to take you to your asked for item. And although you may pay pennies more, you are in and out in no time.
Every time I go to Home Depot, I end up wandering around up and down the aisles looking for some help. When you finally do flag down an orange vested worker carrying a can of paint around, he very politely says" I'm sorry sir, this is not my department, but I'll send someone over right away." A 1/2 hr later your still seeking help.
I feel nearly the same about pizza. My 17 year old son eats at Little Caesars 5 days out of 7, because it's on his way home after school. But our pizza of preference is still in the same location it has been at since 1957. It's an authentic little Ma and Pa place called Sicilys. The place doe's mostly take-out, but it can seat up to 20 people at a time. Their pizza hasn't changed at all in the last 50 years.
Unlike their mega-chain counterparts, the crust is limp but strong and chewy. The sauce is thick and garlicky, the cheese is hand grated, and they slice the pepperoni by hand still. They know me and my son by name, and they always give us the same table. We never finish the whole thing, and my son eats the rest the next day. It was a great childhood tradition for me, and now I have passed it down to my boy.
It's something that just him and I do together, because the women in the household don't like the location of the place.
It's not in the best part of town, but thats where it is.
Are you lucky enough to have part of your youth still doing business? Or do you have a local business that you always frequent? G-Man wants to know.....Peace

Sunday, March 4, 2007

War Pigs!!

Do you have a nickname? Are you known by more than one name?
Throughout my many years on this Earth, I somehow have been blessed by many monikers. You can call me G. You can call me G H. You can call me G-Man. You can call me Galen. You can call me Blog Whore. You can call me Mr. Knowitall..But ya doesn't have to call me JOHNSON!

My first nickname in high school ( other than lard ass )was "The Sheik". Back in the Golden Era of wrestling, there was a very popular wrestler known as the Sheik. He would come into the ring wearing a turban, he always had his arms out stretched to each side, and he had this wild eyed crazed look on his face. Well.....It seemed that instead of doing my homework, I could mimic this guy dead on. And I would of course do so at the drop of a hat! Anywhere. Anytime.
So thats nick name #1...The Sheik
Then in college you seemed to acquire many names. Most people were usually drunk when they said my name, and it came out sounding like ..Glon..So most of my associates called me Glon. Except for my friend Shep, who actually called me G-Man first in this world.
Back in the 70's, I used to sell audio equipment at a chain called Fretter Appliance. Thats was a great job. You got high and sold stereos!!! Life was good. In fact my buisiness cards said..Galen "High-Fi" Haynes..So to the people that knew me then, I was Hi-Fi.
In the 80's, I worked as a counselor at a secure detention prison for juveniles. The clients liked my casual style, so they referred to me as Mr. Galen. To this day, if I run into one of my kids from then,they still say Howdy Mr. Galen...
Every summer for the last 5 years, me and my son help the local Orthodox Church with their summer festival. We get up at 4:00 am and start the fires and help roast over 30 lambs for their picnic. During one of those smoked smoked filled mornings, one of the old Macedonian men had a flashback, and swore to God that I looked like one of their old lamb roasting pals by the name of Oshko. Now Oshko had been dead for over 20 years, but they all said that the resemblance was uncanny. Suddenly all of the old Serbian and Macedonian men just called me Oshko. Unfortunately, one of those men worked with me for years selling cars. And guess what he called me at work? Oshko! So at work to this day, all my co-workers call me Oshko. A little ethnic, but so what?
But my favorite nickname, was given to me by a fraternity brother of mine named Tony M. We had a frat house, and since Nixon was in office, we just knew that our house was bugged. So we developed little code words for certain 'activities'. Of course one of those activities was smoking weed. And since pot was not 'allowed' in the house, we simply said,"you want to go listen to some tapes?'..That meant going out back in my car and burning one. I just so happened to have a kick-ass 8-track stereo in my car, and we always jammed and burned!!
Well I had a fondness for Black Sabboth, and always had it blareing full blast. One night on one of our 'tape' sessions, it seems that my friend Tony had a joint of Columbian. WOW...Ceebo! That was real hard to get back then, and he had a big fat hooter! To this day he talks about that mindless night, all he could remember was the name of the album.
So whenever I still see Tony, he always says..
"My friend Glon....The Master of Reality."
That was almost my blog name, The Master of Reality!!!
NAW, I'll stick with G-Man.....Peace

Do you have a nickname other than your blog name?

Thursday, March 1, 2007

Rubber Baby Buggy Bumper...

OK, every house has a "junk drawer" right? Well I have a "junk cupboard" in my bathroom. In it is stuff that I'll need, but I really couldn't tell you when. You know the stuff. Old key chains, batterys, watches, condoms. Hey condoms! I forgot I had these. Let's check the date....
' Use before. Aug. 1997 ' I wonder if they are still good?
That got me thinkin.....I wonder what they used for birth control in the olden days? So the G-Man did a little research, and came up with the condensed version....

1300B.C. Egyption women use vaginal inserts made of crocodile dung.

900 B.C. Chinese birth-control experts advise women to swallow 16 tadpoles fried in quicksilver immediately after sexual intercourse.

200 B.C. Arabians eat pomegranates mixed with rock salt and alum.

1100 The Dominican Church advises women to spit 3 times into the mouth of a frog, or to eat bees, immediately after intercourse.

1400 The Italians attempt to avoid pregnancy by drinking raw onion juice.

1600 The French believe the same thing, only with cabbage instead. ( The French, they are a funny race. They fight with their feet, and fuck with their face!)

1650 German women smear their vagina with tobacco juice.

1700 Islamic women are advised to jump backward 7 or 9 times immediately after sex.

1750 Europeans wear condoms made from sausage skins.
Although the great lover Casanova, placed his faith in 3 gold balls purchased from a Genoese goldsmith for 90$, which he personally placed inside his partners. He said that it worked well for 15 years. But later in life he was proven to be infertile..

1843 Mr. Goodyear vulcanizes rubber. Ergo..the Rubber!
The Japanese however continue to wear sheaths made of leather or tortoise shell.

Well these rubbers I have then, ain't worth a shit! And even though the waste basket is right there....I toss them back in the 'junk cupboard' and shut the door! Peace...Galen