Tuesday, May 31, 2011

One Huge Shot Wednesday.....

Kim has an enormous Wazoo
Her sister's have Big Booties too
When they start passing gas
You can hear the ass blasts
From Fresno to Kalamazoo!!

Please...Before you pass judgement.
Someone has to write these things!!
Is it Wednesday? Do you have have any poetry
or prose laying around? Yes?
Then post it on your blog and go.....Here!

Monday, May 30, 2011

Mango Tuesday.....

Hi Everybody...
I hope you all had a Kick Ass Holiday. The G-Man Did!
Welcome to my very first installment of ....
Mango Tuesday!!!
The mango has a hard and very strange obb-long/oval pit.
I believe that is why many folks do not like messing with them.
But even a dolt like me can pull this off, so please give it a try.
Cut along the pit on both sides.
Take the mango slice and 'Score' it, being careful not to tear
the skin that you are holding.
Hold the 'Scored' slice outward, and push with your thumbs.
How easy is that?
OK...Here's something fun we can do.
Can you name a Food Item that you may or may not like
because they are odd or foreign to you or are too hard to clean?
How about The Artichoke? Some people NEVER buy them...
Anyway.... Share if you like, or just Smile and comment.

Sunday, May 29, 2011

Memorial Day.....

There aren't enough Thank You's.....

Saturday, May 28, 2011

Sunday Philosophy 160.....

He Spoke:
Life is simpler when you plow around the stump!
The best sermons are lived not preached.
You can't unsay a cruel word.
Meanness don't happen overnite!

Thus sayeth Benjamin Franklin Smithfield.....
Can you write Micro-Fiction or prose in exactly 160 characters?
Yes? Then post it on your blog then visit Monkey Man ...Here!

Thursday, May 26, 2011

Friday Flash 55.....


The assault on Fort Wagner in Charlston was brutal.
Seeing that the flag bearer of his regiment, The 54th
Massachusetts was gravely wounded, Private Carney
grabbed 'Old Glory' just as he was hit with the first musket
ball. Two more hit him as he carried the flag back to Union
lines, it NEVER touched the ground!!!

William Carney was promoted to sergeant, and after the
War became the 1st African American to receive The
Congressional Medal of Honor. He died in 1908.
This weekend we honor all brave souls that fought and died
to protect our freedom.
If you or anyone you know has written a Friday Flash 55
Please come tell The G-Man!!
I will visit, read, enjoy, comment.....Then BOOK!!!
So from the most grateful host from coast to coast...
Have a Kick Ass Week-End!!!
God Bless America...God Bless Freedom!

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Thursday Portrait.....

Birthday wishes go out this week to...

March '88 Playmate Susie Owens.
Actress/Dancer Lisa Niemi (Patrick Swayze's widow)
Actress Lisa Hartman (Married to Country Star Clint Black)

They all turn......FIFTY-FIVE this week!
Maybe 55 IS the new 40? But you STILL owe me 55 words!
See You Friday. (Or 8:00 PM EST on Thursday)

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

One-Shot Wednesday.....

I know it's a bit cheesy to hop aboard the bash
Arnold bandwagon, but this whole tawdry affair
is begging for a Limerick!!!

The Governator was hornier than most.
But he was in No position to boast.
He poked the houskeeper and nanny.
Banged the maid in her fanny
And the cook? He loved 'buttering HER toast'!!

Is it Wednesday?
Do you have any Poetry or Prose laying around?
If yes, post it on your blog, then visit.....Here!
Tomorrow.....I'll Be Back!!

Monday, May 23, 2011

Twister Tuesday....

Please Pray for our fellow Americans that lost
EVERYTHING in the blink of an eye!
I can't possibly Fathom coming home to NOTHING!
That photo looks more like Hiroshima than Joplin.
Regular blogging will resume tomorrow.
Providing that there is no twister damage.

Sunday, May 22, 2011

Safron Indoor Beer Butt Chicken...

Hi Everybody...
I dreamed this up earlier this week, and decided
to experiment. I'm sure you have heard of Beer Butt
Chicken. Thats when you open up a beer of your choice,
then you set a whole chicken over it, and pop it on
a grill until it's cooked to a Golden Brown. The boiling
beer also cookes and flavors and moistens the delicious
yard bird.
I didn't have a beer in a can, so I filled up a Vernors
Ginger Ale can, and it worked just fine!!!
Today I didn't feel like making a charcoal fire, so I
layed the chicken in my cast iron skillet and cooked it in
the oven at 350 degrees for 2 hours.
I sliced up 3 Idaho Russetts and a huge Vidalia Onion and
laid them on the bottom of the skillet.
I seasoned the chicken with Garlic Powder, Cumin, Alderwood
Smoked Sea Salt, and Safron!!! Do you see that marvelous
bag of Safron? My daughter sent me that from Istanbul!
Over here a few sprigs of that Floral Gold costs about 5 Bucks
for a tiny vial. That whole bag cost FIVE BUCKS!!!
The last pic is the finished product...It Was Delicious!!!
I Need A Nap!

Saturday, May 21, 2011

50's 160.....

Throwing his Bill-Fold and keys on the counter,
Fred opened up the Ice Box, grabbed a cold one,
punctured two holes in the top, then layed down
on the Davenport.

A scene from the 50's...
Know any Old Timers that still say these things?
Other than ME?
Can you write Micro-Fiction in 160 Characters?
If you think you can, post it on your blog on
Sunday, then go visit Monkey Man...Here!

Thursday, May 19, 2011

Friday Flash 55.....

He emplored her...
"Dolores please, just let me try it on for a little while?"

Under the onslaught of his incessant pleading, she relented..
"God Ed, stop your groveling! You could always buy your
own Angora sweater ya know. Besides, I don't mind sharing
my wardrobe, but they always come back smelling like
Old Spice!"

Dolores Fuller was Cross-Dressing movie director Ed Woods
girlfriend and leading lady during the early 1950's. she died
last week in Las Vegas at age 89.
If you or anyone you know has written a Friday Flash 55
Please come tell The G-Man
I will visit, read, enjoy, comment...Then BOOK!!!
So from the most gracious host from coast to coast...
Have a Kick Ass Week-End!!!!

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Thursday Portrait.....

I've always prided myself for being very polite.
Taught to me by Mother, Grandparents, and my schooling.
Today whilst ordering 2 for 2 Bucks fish sandwiches from
RALLY's (My favorite fast food place), I apologized to the
order taker that I couldn't find my coupon for an Olive Burger.
She said to please come around. When I got to the window, she
smiled broadly, and whispered..."You were so polite that we
gave you an extra Olive burger for free...Thank You"
So... TWO fish sandwiches (Which are bigger than McDonalds BTW)
And TWO Olive Burgers, ya wanna guess the total with tax?
3.55!!! Three FIFTY FRICKEN FIVE!!!
Now you know why I'm smiling...See You Friday? (Or 8:00 PM EST Thur)

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Retro One-Shot.....

Sometimes when I get tired of posting pictures
of things from my garage and basement, I like to
post about archaic phrases. Today, not only am I
going to revive a couple of forgotten words from
the past, I'm going to use them in one of the most
irreverent forms of poetry...The Limerick!
(Thank You Jeffrey Kacirk, Author of "Forgotten Words")

PURFLED; Short winded, especially in consequence of
being TOO Lusty!(1808)

SQUIZZLE; To fire a gun (1956)

There once was a man from Rangoon
Whose wife always got 'playful' round Noon
She would ask.."Wanna have fun"
Then she would reach for his GUN
But he would Purfle, and Squizzled too soon!

Is it Wednesday?
Have any poetry or prose laying around?
Yes? Post it on your blog, then go visit...Here!

Here's a bonus Limerick from the 60's
Thank You Doug Clark and his Hot Nuts....

There once was a fellow named Glass
That had two balls made outta Brass
When he clanked them together
They played..."Stormy Weather"
And Lightening...Shot out of his Ass!!

Then there is always that guy from Nantucket....

Monday, May 16, 2011


Hi Everybody!!!
I Got Nothing!!!
The Yard EXPLODED with all the rain though.
Flowering Crab, White Lilacs, My beloved Birch Tree...
My Allergies are Ablaze!!!!!!

Sunday, May 15, 2011

Our Survey Said........

I've been blogging and/or lurking about now for
5 or 6 years. I've come across many misguided souls
that ACTUALLY think that they can make big money
BLOGGING! You've seen those blogs, right in the
middle of Aunt Gertie and Uncle Everett's family
tintypes, you have a flashing add for Pillsbury
Crescent Rolls from Food Lion!!
Or just because you know a little about College
Lacross, Texas Hold-Em, or you can string a couple
of Triolets together, you think that there are people
that would want to PAY you for that knowledge?
I dunno.... It all sounds pretty fucking quixotic to me.
This is the INTERNET IN THE 21st CENTURY people!!!!
Why buy the cow, when the milk is EVERYWHERE for free!
Am I the misguided one?
Does anybody out there in Bloggerville know ANYONE that
has made any money blogging?
Please share yours/their success story with us...Please?

See Ya Tomorrow....Peace!!

Saturday, May 14, 2011

Sunday 160.....

After trying for a week, Jerome finally
hacked into the company's system.
Why would Wordpress want to hack into
Blogger on a Thursday?
Evil Abounds

Can you write Micro-Fiction in 160 characters?
Is it Sunday?
If the answer to both of those questions is yes...
Post it on your blog, then go visit Monkey Man...Here!

Friday, May 13, 2011

Friday 55 Snafu....

Blogger Blowed up good....
Save your 55's for next week ...Sorry
The G-Man is Very Very Non-Plussed

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Thursday Portrait....CUT!!!

Yesterday a film crew was in the store shooting a new commercial.

We had to all wear the same

shirts..It looked so Stepford Wiveish!

Anyway, there was a scene shot in My office with

an actor portraying a customer, either someone coughed,

the phone rang, someone was getting paged, or the director

was being a perfectionist!!

How many 'takes' do you think it took to get it right?

One Guess.....

Hehehehehe...See ya Friday (or 8:00 PM EST Thursday)

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

One-Shot Wednesday.....

The ice is out, it's warming up,
It's time for my annual mission.
I ain't talkin bout no Harley ride,
I'm talkin bout goin Fishin!
From a boat, from the shore,
or from a creaky ole dock.
Grab some bait, make a lunch...
Bring an extra pair of socks.
Your casting rod, a Zebco reel,
Or a trusty old cane pole.
Toss em in the trunk, head out to a lake,
or your favorite fishing hole.
Alone or with a buddy,
your daughter or your son...
You're NOT at work, you're Not at home,
You ARE outside having FUN!
So remember this the next time,
your world is filled with strife...
Every day spent fishing, God adds that to your life!


I guess the theme this week is Rhyme!
Right on Time with the Rime!
Is it Wednesday?
Have any poetry or prose laying around?
If you do, post it on your blog, then go...here!

Monday, May 9, 2011

TV Tuesday.....

Here is a prime example of the power of television!
These simple hard working folks have been doing what
their bayou ancestors have been doing for 300 years,
living off the land, and hunting gators.
The top pic is of Bruce (with the doo-rag) and his family.
The second pic is Terrel...This crazy bastard catches live
gators at night with his bare hands, tags them for the State,
then releases them.
RJ is a Native American that hunts gators and is a 2-Time
World Champion Arm Wrestler.
Troy Landry and his son Jacob are The best hunters on the bayou
and the lady in the next pic is Liz. Liz is the Landry's
'Shooter', and she is a crack shot indeed!
The two bearded gentlemen are Glenn and Mitch Guist. They exist
by hunting for their food...Squirrel, deer, rabbit, fish, Gator,
Turtles..They ain't particular bout their vittles!!
The fellow in the last shot is their cousin Bubba.
Bubba spends way too much time out-side!!
This show has become a cable phenominon, and overnight has become
household names and fodder for Water-Cooler chit chat...
I am absolutely Hooked on this History Channel series, and I hope
Fame doesn't spoil them like it has The Teutuls from Discovery's
American Chopper, and the Harrisons and 'Chumley' from History's
Pawn Stars...
You can buy T-Shirts On-Line from this series.
Please check it out, it will amaze you!