Monday, November 30, 2009

TMI Tuesday.....

A Mr. Kirk Castile from Clingon Alabama asks....

Dear Mr. Knowitall.. "We don't see too much soap round these parts, whats it all about, and where did it come from"?

Dear Kirk, primitively speaking, soap is oil plus alkali. For centuries that meant fat plus lye. American pioneers saved their fat scraps from cooking. They also saved their ashes from the fireplace. The ashes were then placed in a barrel with a spigot at the bottom. Water poured over the ashes and left to soak would form lye, which was then drained off from the bottom. The cooking fat would be rendered in a separate cooking vat over a fire, then the lye would be added. After much more cooking and stirring, a chemical reaction would take place and soap was the result. Although too much lye and the soap would be harsh, and too much fat would make it greasy. The newly formed soap would then be stored into boxes to harden and cure for several months.
Legend has it that some time around 1000 B.C., the Romans performed many animal sacrifices to the Gods on Mt. Sapo. The fat from the animal sacrifices, then mixed with the ashes from the fire. Over a period of time, this mixture of fat and ash washed down the mountain and into the Tiber River and accumilated in the clay soil. Women washing their clothes by this clay, noticed that the clothing seemed a bit cleaner. The word soap, comes from Mt. Sapo!!
Recipe's for soapmaking were discovered on ancient Sumerian tablets dating back to 2500 B.C. And excavations of ancient Babylon has uncoverd clay cylinders containing a soap-like substance dating to 3000 B.C.

I hope that answers your question Kirk. Do not be afraid to use soap, it is your friend! This weeks post should be titled...Not Enough Information!!

Join us again next week for another exciting episode of..Ask Mr. Knowital.


Sunday, November 29, 2009


Hi Everybody...
I hope everyone had a Happy Thanksgiving...I Did!
I'll spare you all the obligatory T-Day Feast Pics......Your Welcome.

I have a brother thats retired from the U.S. Military. He lives in a town about 135 miles North of here called Oscoda. He is currently laid off from his job there, and his son lives with me while he is attending trade school.
Now don't get me wrong, I love my brother, but he is slowly turning into this anti-social, angry little right wing hermit, and it is driving me nuts!!!
While he is here he never leaves MY couch.
MY channel remote is glued to his hand.
I know he misses his son, but he also has their dog 'Eddie' with them. That alone messes with my pets daily dynamics...Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.
When I leave for work, he is on the couch! When I return from wherever, he is on the couch! To top it all off he has had a nagging cough, and now my throut tickles.
My Sundays are very precious to me. In most cases it's my only day off all week.
He is STILL here!!!
I'm getting ready to go out this afternoon, and I'm not saying a word when I leave! I'm gonna find a friendly unoccupied bar stool, sip on a Diet Pepsi, and watch a couple of football games. I'll be texting Reese regularly to see if El Sluggo has left yet....Thanks for listening.

Thursday, November 26, 2009

Friday Flash 55.....

What is now....Wasn't always!
But it is said...
The Knights Templar passed it on to the Illuminati!
They in turn selected certain enlightened individuals such as...
DaVinci, Newton, Liberace, Wilt Chamberlain, Susie The Barefoot Mistress,
And now, The G-Man.
To perpetuate and carry on the Tradition and Integrity...
Of Friday Flash Fifty-Five!

If you or anyone you know has written a Friday Flash 55...
Please come tell The G-Man.
I will visit, read, enjoy, comment...Then BOOK!!!
So from the most STUFFED host from coast to coast...
Have a Kick-Ass Week-End!!!

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Thursday Portrait Math Quiz.....

Yesterday was Chinese Take-Out day. I do so much business there that the owner usually throws in an extra fortune cookie or two. Whilst reading my first fortune, I smiled at the bold prediction. Then when I opened up the second fortune, a strange eerie feeling started creeping up on me. My jaw dropped, I visibly started shaking, I broke out in a cold sweat, and I had to sit down.
(Uh...I may have embellished that reaction a wee bit...:P)
OK...I'm not exactly Sir Issac Newton, but I did kinda see something very odd. Of course the obvious is the ONLY lucky number that appears on BOTH fortunes is...?
AND, (now this is very very odd indeed) please ADD all of the lucky numbers on the first fortune...Then SUBTRACT all of the lucky numbers on the second fortune.
What is that number?.....Need I ask?
Happy Thanksgiving Everybody!!!!!!!!!

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Retro Wednesday.....

Hi Everybody....
With Thanksgiving just a day away, I usually carry on a family tradition started by my Grandmother by setting out a bowl of nuts with these nutcrackers. These have been used every holiday since I can remember. Although I will say that jumbo walnuts and paper shell pecans were a rare treat. We usually had a bowl of hickory nuts, butter nuts, or black walnuts setting out instead...Those were the nuts that grew wild in our neighborhood, and we could pick up and gather them for free!
These old crackers still work great. I know that it's much easier to buy quality nuts on sale that are already shelled, but ya know....
Sometimes you just need to Bust a Nut!!!
See you tomorrow.

Monday, November 23, 2009

TMI Tuesday.....

A Mr. Arlo "Stinky" Asshorn from Butte Montana asks...

Dear Mr. Knowitall...As much as I love Thanksgiving dinner, about an hour after eating, a slow odiferous smog slowly envelopes the whole household, that nearly makes it impossible to eat my pumpkin pie. Is there anything that can be done to quelch this dilemma?

Dear Stinky...Outside of eliminating the turkey, baked beans, or green bean casserole, not much can stop the flatulento cantata! BUT...You can make the joyous feast much more bearable, by purchasing either of a couple new products on the market now. Both the Subtle Butt, and the Flat-D filter are available on-line. Prices range from 21.95 to 25.95. They employ the use of activated charcoal filters, and are sized perfectly for easy handling and use.
If you are too cheap to cough up the money, a flick of the Bic closely applied to the rear nether regions, still does the trick. Just make sure you are wearing cotton or wool. Polyester is NOT flame retardent!!
Good Question...

Mr. Knowitall is tired this evening, I bid you Good Night!

Sunday, November 22, 2009

Tailgating Fun.......

For about 20 years now, I've been parking in the same neighborhood on football Saturday. It's about 3 blocks from the Big House, and It's easy in and easy out! For the last 18 years, we have parked at the same lady's house. As you can tell from the housing layout, most back yards have been turned into parking areas. These areas are perfect for tailgating if you get there early enough.
About 4 weeks ago, my buddy Alex and I were enjoyng a pre-game Budweiser, when I noticed this young man feverishy grilling burgers and dogs for his hungry minions. He really had it down, and he was doing a fantastic job with the grilling. After a while, I kinda felt sorry for him, so I grabbed a brewski and walked toward him. He looked up and smiled, I extended my hand and shook it and said as I handed him the beer..."Young man, I've been watching you for about an hour now, and I just have to tell you that you are doing a Kick-Ass job! The exhaulted position of Grill-Meister is nothing to be scoffed at, and you are handling this task with skill, love, and a great sense of duty. They obviously trust you with their food, and I know they appreciate it."
He kind of gave me a bewildered look, and said.."Thanks, care for a hot-dog"?
I just laughed and assured him that we brought our own food, and that I wasn't pandering for a free meal, I just respected the zest that he had for his grilling duty and walked away.
This past Saturday we arrived a bit early to our spot, and the young man whose name is Rob, immediately made a bee-line for my car and declared..."I'm grilling bacon Burgers today, we have plenty, and I insist you guys join us". When I asked who paid for the food and started to reach in my pocket to contribute, he said something that only I say to the people that I feed..."Please don't insult me...EAT"!
Just then Rob's Dad came up to us and I told him what a fine young man he had here. Of course he agreed, and I asked him to pose for a Father and Son pic. The dad is a lawyer, and drove up from Ohio to be at the game with his son.
Looking at these pics today really warms my heart...This young man will go far in life!
Have a Thankfull Week everyone....

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Friday Flash 55.....

Struggling to breathe...
He was a prisoner to Misery and Lonliness.
While the outside world raced toward the pursuit of Their American Dream, He was idling at a standstill, and slowly running out of gas!
But happiness will soon become a reality, because he made up his mind to Escape!
...To the open arms of LOVE!

If you or anyone you know has written a Friday Flash 55...
Please come tell The G-Man.
I will visit, read, enjoy, comment...Then BOOK!
So from the most gracious host from coast to coast...
Have a Kick Ass Week-End!!!

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Thursday Dinner Time Portrait.......

First of all I would like to thank everyone that visits and comments on days other than Friday 55. I have been very busy and tired this week, and I've been quite remiss in my blog visitations...Sorry!
Tonight I had a hankerin for some Sloppy Joes. I got a GREAT deal on some burger at Kroger today, 1.67 a pound!! As I started to saute' the meat and onions, I was reminded of something....Hmmmmmmmmmmm.
Oh well, I'll think of it.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Retro Wednesday.....

About 5 years ago for Christmas, my kids asked me what I wanted. I remembered how much I loved my galoshes as a kid. They kept your feet dry, they kept the bottoms of your pants dry, and you could wear your regular comfortable shoes!
I hate big heavy cumbersome boots!
Anyway, these are made by the Lacrosse Co. They are not cheap, but they wear really well, and they are Top Notch! I decided to dig these out in preparation for Winters onset. Thanksgiving is a week from tomorrow after all.

Monday, November 16, 2009


A Mr. Chip Molar from Colgate Vermont asks...

"Dear Mr Knowitall, what are the ingredients of toothpaste"?

'Chip...You really want to know'?

WATER...About 35%-45% to be exact! That comes to about 2 Bucks a pound!

CHALK...Yep, the same stuff that teachers use! And that is...
The crushed remains of ancient ocean creatures. The exoskeletons retained their sharpness during the Eons when they were buried, and they are one of the very few things tough yet gentle enough to clean the hardest substance on your body, Tooth Enamel!

TITANIUM DIOXIDE...This stuff goes into white wall paint to make it bright. It helps cover up any yellowing for at least a few hrs, and then dissolves and is swallowed!

GLYCERINE GLYCOL...It keeps toothpaste from drying out. It's most common use is in Anti-Freeze!

SEAWEED...(Chrondus Crispus) It holds the paste together!

PARAFFIN...This petroleum derivitive keeps the stuff smoooooth!

DETERGENT... This gives you foam and suds. The public DEMANDS foam and suds!

PEPPERMINT OIL, MENTHOL, SACCHARIN...This counteracts the horrible taste of detergent!

FORMALDEHYDE...Yep, the one and the same!It kills the bacteria that creeps into the tube from the brush. And you know what that is? Airborn fecal matter that floats around ALL bathrooms...ALL BATHROOMS!

Oddly enough, studies have shown that plain old water can be almost as effective!

Ya know, all this knowledge is starting to make me sick....

No wonder they say...Ignorance is Bliss!


Sunday, November 15, 2009

Chile Today, Hot Tamale..........

Hi Everybody...
I hope you all had a Kick-Ass Week-End!
I've been trying for an hour to get blogger to let me post this.
I'm NOT very High Tech as you all know, and I was getting VERY Non-Plussed!
Today...I made Home-Made Tamales.
Yesterday, our local Meijers had pork steak and pork shoulder for .99 cents a pound! I took a 5# package, and cooked it till it fell apart. I then shredded it and mixed in some Cumin, Chile Powder, Garlic, Salt, and a can of Chipoltle Chiles, and let it set overnight. Two hours before I started the process of assembling the tamales, I soaked the corn husks in some water.
I then took 2#'s of the masa flour and added 2 cups of corn oil with some Mexican Spices, and added 2 quarts of chicken broth. When it reached the consistancy of peanut butter, I spread it on the soaked husk, added some seasoned meat, and folded it over, and set it aside.
This made about 4 dozen huge tamales. I then needed to steam them for about two hours. I had a kettle that I used to deep fry a turkey, so I put a collander ot the bottom, and filled it with water to about an inch from covering it. I stacked the tamales upright tightly in a basket that is supposed to hold chicken wings so they would not unfold, and set it on the collander, covered it, and two hours later they turned out perfect!
My son Reese, My nephew Kurtice, and myself, polished off about one dozen at dinner,
and we all have lunch for tomorrow!!
Not bad for a Gringo Eh?
I figured that the 4 dozen cost me about 10 bucks!!
Have a Great Week everyone...

Thursday, November 12, 2009

Friday Flash 55.....

(August 1955)
One More Out!!
Thats all the Braves needed to beat Chicago.
Rookie sensation Melvin Famey was sent to the mound.
And he walked SIX batters....The Braves lost!
(Unknown to him, someone filled their water cooler with Schlitz!)
Next morning's Chicago Tribune's headline read...
SCHLITZ...The Beer That Made Mel Famey Walk Us!!!

No Groaning Please....
I first heard this joke about 1965, and I've just been waiting to use it!
I know the Dragons and Doc have heard it before, but it may be new to some.
Anyway...If you or anyone you know has written a Friday Flash 55...
Please come tell The G-Man!
I will visit, read, enjoy, comment...Then BOOK!
So from the most gracious host from coast to coast...
Have a Kick Ass Week-End!!

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Thursday Portrait.....

Since I have to work Saturday this week, I had Wednesday off. But being the team player that I am, I went into work anyway. It's a good thing too! I ended up selling a new truck, plus I had to give a customer a ride home. As I was backing out of his driveway, I realized that I didn't have a Thursday pic to post yet, I thought I'd show you what a beautiful day it was for....
The Eleventh Month, On the Eleventh Day, At the Eleventh Hour!
("It's a Long Way To Tiperary", is faintly playing in my head)

Tuesday, November 10, 2009


Actual conversation between my brother and me...

While watching TV last week, an Enzyte commercial comes on...

BROTHER: I sent away for some of that stuff. It was free!
ME: Really? Did it work?
BRO: Yeah, kind of! Bobo did get a little bigger. But I think it was because of the stuff in it that helps blood flow.
ME: Well, in my day if you wanted a larger penis, you just read Playboy.
BRO: Bobo's not as young as he used to be. He needs a little help.
(I hate it when men have a pet name for their penis. It's so pretentious)
ME: Bobo? You call your dick Bobo?
BRO: Yeah, always have, what do you call yours...Johnson?
(Now at this point I should have just shut the fuck up. But an old stand up comedy routine popped into my head, and I was on a roll.....)
ME: Well....You can call him Johnny, or you can call him John Thomas, or you can call him Long John Silver, or you can call him Johnson's Iron, or how about...
Rod, Prod, Ititarod!
Prong, Schlong, Wong, Dong!
Joystick, Funstick, Dipstick!
One-Eyed Monster, Warrior of the Pants, Trouser Snake!
Stonehenge, Obelisk, Knob, Woody, Boner, Fire-hose, Napoleon Bonaparte!
Drumstick, Zucchini, Tube Steak, Salami, Balony Pony, Kielbasa, Yogurt Launcher!
Skin Flute, Strumpet Trumpet, Kazoo, Gabriels Horn, Bone-A-Phone!
Tally-Wacker, Womb-Tickler, Albatross, Manhandle, Rampart!
Viscount, Baby's Arm, Louisville Slugger, Homewrecker!
Urge-Purger, Stamen, Putz, Schvance, Schmeckle!
You can call him Plymouth Rock, You can can him Quetzacoatl!
But I doesn't have to call him...JOHNSON!
(Any of those names is better than Bobo....Jeez!)
ME: And one more thing...Don't EVER utter the word Bobo in my presence again! OK?

Sorry folks for this little diatribe, sometimes TV commercials gets me going!


Monday, November 9, 2009

TMI Tuesday.....

And speaking of bodily functions...(Nice segue' eh).

*The average municipal water treatment plant processes enough human waste every day to fill 72 Olympic-sized swimming pools!

*Almost all of the dust in your house is made up of dead human skin cells. Every day millions of them float off of your body and settle on the furniture and floor.

*The average human foot has about 20,000 sweat glands, and can produce as much as a 1/2 cup of sweat each day!

*Tears are made up of almost the EXACT same ingredients as urine.

*The crusty goop that you find in your eyes when you wake up, is the EXACT same mucus that you find in your nose...Boogers!

* And speaking of boogers, according to a recent survey, over 10% of Americans have picked someone elses nose.

*Your mouth slows production of bacteria fighting saliva while you sleep. This allows the 10 billion bacteria in your mouth to reproduce all night. "Morning Breath" is actually bacterial B.O.!!

*The average person will produce 25,000 quarts of saliva in a life time. Enough to fill up TWO swimming pools.

*Most people fart generally fart between 10 and 20 times a day, expelling enough gas to inflate a small balloon. (My son could inflate The Good-Year blimp)

*A tapeworm can inflate to a length of 30 feet inside human intestines.

*If you feed a Rhesus Monkey a typical American diet..It will die within 2 years!

WOW...Definately TMI!!! Enough of this Happy Horse-Shit, if and when you comment today...Give The G-Man a fact that I can store away for the benefit of future generations!
Sorry for any inconveniance, and Thank You for your cooperation!

Sunday, November 8, 2009

Ask Mr. Knowitall...

Mr. Boolie "Chigger" Jackson from Hind Lick West Virginia asks...

Dear Mr. Knowitall, 'Why are there crescent moons on outhouse doors?'

Dear Chigger...The main reasons of course are light and ventilation!
But in olden times, outhouse builders for Inns and business' used cut-outs of the moon and the sun to indicate which gender the privy was intended. The moon was for women, and the sun was for men. These symbols helped foreign travelers. It didn't matter if they spoke a different language, these symbols were universal!
After a while, and for economy reasons, many Inns only constructed outhouses for women, since most men prefered to piss outside anyway. (and still do...hehehehe)
This custom became so widespread that eventually the moon became the symbol for all outhouses..
And while we are on the subject...Before paper was not so readily available, corn cobs were indeed used to swab and wipe ones ass after evacuation. There was usually a bucket of water soaked corn cobs on standby. If you didn't soak them first....?

Thanks again Chigger...Good question!

If you have a question for Mr. Knowitall, and just don't trust those lying bastards over at Wikepedia, shoot me an E-Mail, I'll set ya straight....

See you next Sunday....Peace!!

Thursday, November 5, 2009

Friday Flash 55.....

As he drove away from the Fortune Teller's reading...
Her prophecy haunted him!
'Think before you speak...Spoken words CAN become REALITY!'
He thought...That old broads loony!
(He turns on his car radio, smiles, then starts singing....)
..."Don't go out tonight, for it's bound to take your life,
there's a Baboon on the rise!"

Hehehehehe...."Scuse me...While I kiss this guy"!
If you or anyone you know has written a Friday Flash 55...
Please come tell The G-Man!!
I will visit, read, enjoy, comment...Then BOOK!!
So from the most androgynous host from coast to coast...
Have a Kick-Ass Week-End...

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Thursday Portrait.....

We are one of 6 Dealerships in Michigan that issues plates and registrations ourselves. Saturday I delivered a 2010 Traverse, and when I went to put on his new plate, something about the number sequence kinda struck me funny. Hmmmmmm
Anyway...I hear that this is Bloggers for Peace day?
I'm a Blogger, and I'm peaceful.

Tuesday, November 3, 2009


A Chevrolet Ad brochure from 1961.
Unfolded it's a map with points of interest for each of the contiguous 48 States.
Inside, they have a section that has a few 'On the Road' games to play. One of the games is called..."Beaver". Every time you see a Chevy on the road, you yell Beaver!
The first kid to reach 10 Beavers wins...I can't stop laughing!

Monday, November 2, 2009

TMI Tuesday.......

Hi Everybody....
Remember the last TMI Tuesday I suggested that I might give you an embalming post? Well hehehe...Are you ready?
In 1924 when Vladimir Lenin died, he didn't want any fancy burials or monuments erected in his honor. But Stalin decided that since religion was being supressed, they needed some sort of 'Shrine' to the Soviet Union. So Dead Lenin was just that attraction!
Preserving the dead body was the first task at hand, and since refrigeration was not that advanced in The Soviet Union, and the body was already starting to deteriorate, Plan B was put into effect...Chemically embalming him!
First thing...Remove all the internal organs. His 'twigs and berries' were left in place though.
Second thing...Address the issue of drying. His body was already starting to turn ashy and shriveling, so they immersed him in a solution of glycerine and other preservative chemicals that infused his body and gave him a plump moist look.
The only problem with this was keeping the body from turning yellow and drying out.
It required regular upkeep! In spite of having a glass covered coffin built for him, every two weeks or so his hands and face are soaked in a glycerine solution to keep from shriveling. Every so often Lenin sprouts little patches of fungus, and he has to be dabbed with Hydrogen Peroxide.
Once a year the tomb is closed and his body is removed to the back room for a once over to spot overall fungus. He gets a dip in the Glycerine solution to keep him looking his best, and he is given a fresh new suit for his adoring public...
Under his new suit, plastic bandages are wrapped around his body to keep any juicy fluids from leaking out.
The tomb remains open daily from 9am to 1pm, and visitors still shuffle by his body.
The lighting is very soft and warm which makes his discolored hair and yellow skin less noticable. Lenin is said to look like he is peacefully sleeping...Others say he looks like he escaped from Madame Tussauds!