Fed up with eating tips(get it)? How about a few Holiday shopping tips...........
If you are a stay-at-home spouse, it's not cool to charge your Christmas gift for the 'other'. That means they are paying for their own gift...c'mon!
Men, If you are crazy enough to buy an article of clothing for your wife or girlfriend, and don't know her size, always buy it smaller...."but honey, you looked that size to me'!
Men like tools for gifts. Under no circumstances buy an appliance as a gift for a women! But some women do enjoy fancy kitchen stuff. But think it through, and use extreme caution...
Really if you are in doubt...jewelry!
If you absolutely are last minute lazy, or are drawing a complete blank, you can never go wrong with cash or a gift card.
Combo-Gifts are quite cheesy...You know, anyone with a birthday within 3 weeks of Christmas.. 'Oh, it's for your birthday AND Christmas'.
Re-Gifts...Please Please, make sure that you are not giving the gift to the person that gave it to you originally! And make sure any old name tags adressed to you are removed.. And make sure any stickers on the gift are removed...To get a gift that says 'Compliments of State Bank', is not cool at all.
....And lastly, if the recipient of said gift, upon opening it repeats aloud what it is, you've made the wrong choice.........." Oh, a golf tie!'.........OR.....'Oh, a spatula!'
Happy Holidays...Galen
Monday, December 18, 2006
Friday, December 15, 2006
Eating Tips For The Holidays
These are not my tips, but they are a swell guideline.......enjoy!
1.) Avoid carrot sticks at all cost....cheap filler.
2.)Drink as much eggnog as you possibly can, you can't find it any other time of the year.
3.)If something comes with gravy, eat it. Smother it on and over everything. Make a mini-volcano out of your mashed potatoes, and pretend it's hot lava.
4.)As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they are made with whole or skim milk. If they are made with skim milk, pass.
5.)Do not eat all day before going to a party. C'mon it's free!!
6.)If you come across something really good at the buffet table, position yourself nearby and do not budge. Eat as much of it as you can without drawing too much attention to yourself.You may not see that again for another year.
7.)Pies? Have at least one piece of each. When else can you have more than one desert?
8.)Fruitcake? Don't eat fruitcake at a party!
9.)One final tip..If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party...Reread tips and start over.
10.) And remember this motto..."Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a well preserved body. But rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in hand, screaming...WHAT A RIDE!!! " (this post is not for signgurl)
1.) Avoid carrot sticks at all cost....cheap filler.
2.)Drink as much eggnog as you possibly can, you can't find it any other time of the year.
3.)If something comes with gravy, eat it. Smother it on and over everything. Make a mini-volcano out of your mashed potatoes, and pretend it's hot lava.
4.)As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they are made with whole or skim milk. If they are made with skim milk, pass.
5.)Do not eat all day before going to a party. C'mon it's free!!
6.)If you come across something really good at the buffet table, position yourself nearby and do not budge. Eat as much of it as you can without drawing too much attention to yourself.You may not see that again for another year.
7.)Pies? Have at least one piece of each. When else can you have more than one desert?
8.)Fruitcake? Don't eat fruitcake at a party!
9.)One final tip..If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party...Reread tips and start over.
10.) And remember this motto..."Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a well preserved body. But rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in hand, screaming...WHAT A RIDE!!! " (this post is not for signgurl)
Fun With Blogging
Guess what? I can post today, with nothing to say. This is really weird. Blogging is soooo fun. Hopefully it will stay up and running, and I can really be profound....LATER.
Saturday, December 9, 2006
BOOM!
It was a bitter cold February Sunday Morning, circa 1993. The alarm went off at 8:00 am, I quietly rousted my two children, Mandy age 6, Reese age 3, from their sound sleep.
"Where are we going Daddy?"
You remember honey, we talked about it last night.
"Oh, the building"..
Yes honey, The Building!
The building they were refering to was the old IMA Auditorium...they were going to 'implode' it this morning.
"Is Mommy going?'
No honey, she needs her beauty sleep.( not as 'nostalgic' as I am)
The IMA. IMA stood for Industrial Mutual Association, It was built some 40 odd years earlier during the hey-day of GM's influence in Flint. It was THE major venue in town for ALL events. Basket ball tournaments, The Shrine Circus, Commencements,.....and concerts. And they were going to destroy it to make room for the ever expanding Flint campus of Flint U/M.
I've always been fascinated by file footage of the Las Vegas casinos being brought down, and that same ending was coming to our little hick town.....
It was only a 4 mile drive there from our house, and we were soon being directed to a 'safe viewing area'. As I said, it was a bitter cold day, and upon parking my daughter opted for the warmth of the mini-van. My son though was game, and after bundling him up in his snow suit, mittens, and scarf, we walked about 30 yards to a roped off corner of the parking lot. Since it was sooo cold, only about 50 or so die hards showed up.
We ranged in age from between 25 and 45. The smell of hand-warmers, coffee, and hot cocoa, was soon wafting about, but not much was being said....We were all trying to keep warm...entrenched in our own thoughts.
Finally, as though the silence was deafening, I blurted out......
"I remember seeing Jimi Hendrix here, he humped his amp, then set fire to his guitar on stage!"
As if a bell went off, one by one everyone started blurting out names....
Yeah, my first concert Joe Cocker
Mine was Nazareth
Mine was Steve Miller
Mine was J. Geils....
......J. Geils!! I had to add" Yeah, the first time I saw J. Geils his lead- in group was the Average White Band, the lead singer was banging Bette Midler at the time , and when they came out for their encore she came out on stage and joined in a rendition of I Heard It Through The Grapevine."
Another added....The James Gang....
....The James Gang "Yeah, and Joe Walsh quit 2 weeks before they came here, what a gyp!!"
B.T.O.....
Yeah, I thought to myself, that fucker Randy Bachman had on tight red leather pants that he wore 60 pounds ago!
The Four Seasons
The Four Seasons?? One by one we all turned and looked his way, and broke out laughing.
Finally I added, "Well the best show That I've ever seen live was Alice Coopers Welcome To My Nightmare!...It was a multi-media event . At one point in the concert a screen lowered on stage, and a film of skeletons dancing in a graveyard was playing. Suddenly the skeletons turned and started to come toward the audiance....Just then, through slits in the screen, LIVE dancing skeletons burst through on stage and danced right before a stunned crowd...It was great!!"
Hey I was there
So was I
Me too
Yeah it was awesome
..Several moments of silence was then broken by a city worker walking up and down the street with a mega-phone..."When you hear the siren folks, the countdown will begin".
Just then the mournful wail began...Ten nine eight seven six.............
A mild rumble, several small pops, and the collapse started....sort of disappointing really! I had expected much more.......no one said a word. One by one, we all turned to each other , we were all sniffling..but NOT from the cold. All that was left of our stately old building was rubble, twisted steel, billowing smoke and dust and ......memories!
We all shuffled slowly and silently, back to our vehicles. As I was pulling away, I looked in the rear view mirror for one final peek at the pile of debris, I reached for the radio volume knob to turn it up a hair...Who was on? Fuckin Joni Mitchell........
......"Don't it always seem to go, that you don't know what you've got till it's gone? You take Paradise and put up a parking lot"
"Where are we going Daddy?"
You remember honey, we talked about it last night.
"Oh, the building"..
Yes honey, The Building!
The building they were refering to was the old IMA Auditorium...they were going to 'implode' it this morning.
"Is Mommy going?'
No honey, she needs her beauty sleep.( not as 'nostalgic' as I am)
The IMA. IMA stood for Industrial Mutual Association, It was built some 40 odd years earlier during the hey-day of GM's influence in Flint. It was THE major venue in town for ALL events. Basket ball tournaments, The Shrine Circus, Commencements,.....and concerts. And they were going to destroy it to make room for the ever expanding Flint campus of Flint U/M.
I've always been fascinated by file footage of the Las Vegas casinos being brought down, and that same ending was coming to our little hick town.....
It was only a 4 mile drive there from our house, and we were soon being directed to a 'safe viewing area'. As I said, it was a bitter cold day, and upon parking my daughter opted for the warmth of the mini-van. My son though was game, and after bundling him up in his snow suit, mittens, and scarf, we walked about 30 yards to a roped off corner of the parking lot. Since it was sooo cold, only about 50 or so die hards showed up.
We ranged in age from between 25 and 45. The smell of hand-warmers, coffee, and hot cocoa, was soon wafting about, but not much was being said....We were all trying to keep warm...entrenched in our own thoughts.
Finally, as though the silence was deafening, I blurted out......
"I remember seeing Jimi Hendrix here, he humped his amp, then set fire to his guitar on stage!"
As if a bell went off, one by one everyone started blurting out names....
Yeah, my first concert Joe Cocker
Mine was Nazareth
Mine was Steve Miller
Mine was J. Geils....
......J. Geils!! I had to add" Yeah, the first time I saw J. Geils his lead- in group was the Average White Band, the lead singer was banging Bette Midler at the time , and when they came out for their encore she came out on stage and joined in a rendition of I Heard It Through The Grapevine."
Another added....The James Gang....
....The James Gang "Yeah, and Joe Walsh quit 2 weeks before they came here, what a gyp!!"
B.T.O.....
Yeah, I thought to myself, that fucker Randy Bachman had on tight red leather pants that he wore 60 pounds ago!
The Four Seasons
The Four Seasons?? One by one we all turned and looked his way, and broke out laughing.
Finally I added, "Well the best show That I've ever seen live was Alice Coopers Welcome To My Nightmare!...It was a multi-media event . At one point in the concert a screen lowered on stage, and a film of skeletons dancing in a graveyard was playing. Suddenly the skeletons turned and started to come toward the audiance....Just then, through slits in the screen, LIVE dancing skeletons burst through on stage and danced right before a stunned crowd...It was great!!"
Hey I was there
So was I
Me too
Yeah it was awesome
..Several moments of silence was then broken by a city worker walking up and down the street with a mega-phone..."When you hear the siren folks, the countdown will begin".
Just then the mournful wail began...Ten nine eight seven six.............
A mild rumble, several small pops, and the collapse started....sort of disappointing really! I had expected much more.......no one said a word. One by one, we all turned to each other , we were all sniffling..but NOT from the cold. All that was left of our stately old building was rubble, twisted steel, billowing smoke and dust and ......memories!
We all shuffled slowly and silently, back to our vehicles. As I was pulling away, I looked in the rear view mirror for one final peek at the pile of debris, I reached for the radio volume knob to turn it up a hair...Who was on? Fuckin Joni Mitchell........
......"Don't it always seem to go, that you don't know what you've got till it's gone? You take Paradise and put up a parking lot"
Thursday, December 7, 2006
Understanding The Aged
Well I milked that last post for three days, and I'm over it! Thanks to all participants.
I'm feeling kind of lazy today, and since I'm not very high-tech and can't just post a clip from You-Tube, when I'm uninspired, I'll share some random definitions from the new AARP DICTIONARY...This will aid in any communication with anyone nearing senility. ENJOY!
Plus feel free to add any that you may want to share......
Kay-Marks......any K-Mart store
Tight......Drunk
Chimley.....Chimney
Babushka....Litterally a Russian grandmother....but to us a headscarf
Bumbershoot...An umbrella
Keester...Your ass
Doopa...Your ass
Ethyl.....Premium gasoline
Fillem....camera film
Whipersnapper....Anyone ten or more years younger than you
Geezer....anyone two or more years older than you
Frigid-air....Refridgerator
Lung-er.......Person with emphysemia
Strait-Stick....A manual transmission
Flatfoot....Police Officer
Wallmark...Any Walmart store (K-Marks is always plural)
Dirty-Works......Take a crap
Pot-Licker.......A dumb motherfucker
Physic......A laxative
Clap....Originally gonorreah...but now ANY sexually transmitted disease
Highball....any mixed alcoholic drink
Bath.....Filling up the sink and washing your arm pits and crotch
Fag...Certainly not what it means today...a cigarrette
Cork...A fishing bobber
Strumpet......A witty resiliant woman, knowledegable in the ways of the flesh, but picky!
Thats enough for now, the next time I can't think of anything ,I'll add some more, Thanks...
I'm feeling kind of lazy today, and since I'm not very high-tech and can't just post a clip from You-Tube, when I'm uninspired, I'll share some random definitions from the new AARP DICTIONARY...This will aid in any communication with anyone nearing senility. ENJOY!
Plus feel free to add any that you may want to share......
Kay-Marks......any K-Mart store
Tight......Drunk
Chimley.....Chimney
Babushka....Litterally a Russian grandmother....but to us a headscarf
Bumbershoot...An umbrella
Keester...Your ass
Doopa...Your ass
Ethyl.....Premium gasoline
Fillem....camera film
Whipersnapper....Anyone ten or more years younger than you
Geezer....anyone two or more years older than you
Frigid-air....Refridgerator
Lung-er.......Person with emphysemia
Strait-Stick....A manual transmission
Flatfoot....Police Officer
Wallmark...Any Walmart store (K-Marks is always plural)
Dirty-Works......Take a crap
Pot-Licker.......A dumb motherfucker
Physic......A laxative
Clap....Originally gonorreah...but now ANY sexually transmitted disease
Highball....any mixed alcoholic drink
Bath.....Filling up the sink and washing your arm pits and crotch
Fag...Certainly not what it means today...a cigarrette
Cork...A fishing bobber
Strumpet......A witty resiliant woman, knowledegable in the ways of the flesh, but picky!
Thats enough for now, the next time I can't think of anything ,I'll add some more, Thanks...
Monday, December 4, 2006
PLAY ALONG WITH G-MAN
As long as you are here,spending the next five minutes with me ain't gonna kill you!! Please, read on, it MIGHT be fun. A few people already know of my fascination with memory games and/or nostalgia. I'm going to present ten questions, five FIRST questions and five LAST questions...Please answer as many as you care to, but at least try and answer one from each category. Thank you for your cooperation!!
DO YOU REMEMBER...
1.) Your first pet?
2.) Your first car?
3.) The first time you got drunk.
4.)Your first live concert, rock or country.
5.)The first blogging post that you read that really hooked you.
AND THE LASTS...
6.) The last time you got drunk, and on what.
7.)The last person that you had sex with other than yourself or your current partner.
8.)The last movie that was viewed at the theater.
9.) The present that you gave your partner/spouse last year for Christmas.
10.) The last time you puked.
Which ever question/questions anwered by any participants, will be answered by me as well....Fess up and thanks for playing....
DO YOU REMEMBER...
1.) Your first pet?
2.) Your first car?
3.) The first time you got drunk.
4.)Your first live concert, rock or country.
5.)The first blogging post that you read that really hooked you.
AND THE LASTS...
6.) The last time you got drunk, and on what.
7.)The last person that you had sex with other than yourself or your current partner.
8.)The last movie that was viewed at the theater.
9.) The present that you gave your partner/spouse last year for Christmas.
10.) The last time you puked.
Which ever question/questions anwered by any participants, will be answered by me as well....Fess up and thanks for playing....
Friday, December 1, 2006
PLEASE THINK OF OTHERS #1
WARNING: GRAPHIC CONTENT
Today's, lesson is about Bathroom Etiquette. At home and especially at work. First of all I must explain that my bathroom at home is like my haven. When the world and family is more than I can deal with, I have my little escape. My locked Bathroom! In it I have my land phone, color cable w/remote, my closet, and 'library'. If I had a fridge in there I do believe that I would NEVER have to come out. So with that in mind......
1.) Men, be courteous. You know the routine, lift before, lower after.
2.)Always flush when finished pissing.Why some men feel compelled to flush mid-piss I've never figured it out. Who wants to pee in a toilet greeted by yellow bubbles?
3.)When shitting, kindly return all reading materials to their original place. If at work, don't be lazy and leave readables NEXT to the shitter.You know why? Because some 'aimless' male pisser will splash anything within 3ft of the stool. I don't want to read a wet'Cosmo' do you?
4.)After shitting please make sure that there are NO floaties left in said stool. It doesn't hurt to stay a bit longer and flush twice.
5.) If you use the last of the paper, kindly remove the cardboard roll and add a fresh full roll. And why this is an OCD issue I'll never know, but the paper goes OVER the top, not under! It adds to an easier tear, and thats the way it should be..
6.)If there is air freshener in the room, PLEASE use it..
7.)Lastly, I know that there are emergencies BUT, get up a little earlier and...SHIT AT HOME!!!!
Thank you for your cooperation!!
Today's, lesson is about Bathroom Etiquette. At home and especially at work. First of all I must explain that my bathroom at home is like my haven. When the world and family is more than I can deal with, I have my little escape. My locked Bathroom! In it I have my land phone, color cable w/remote, my closet, and 'library'. If I had a fridge in there I do believe that I would NEVER have to come out. So with that in mind......
1.) Men, be courteous. You know the routine, lift before, lower after.
2.)Always flush when finished pissing.Why some men feel compelled to flush mid-piss I've never figured it out. Who wants to pee in a toilet greeted by yellow bubbles?
3.)When shitting, kindly return all reading materials to their original place. If at work, don't be lazy and leave readables NEXT to the shitter.You know why? Because some 'aimless' male pisser will splash anything within 3ft of the stool. I don't want to read a wet'Cosmo' do you?
4.)After shitting please make sure that there are NO floaties left in said stool. It doesn't hurt to stay a bit longer and flush twice.
5.) If you use the last of the paper, kindly remove the cardboard roll and add a fresh full roll. And why this is an OCD issue I'll never know, but the paper goes OVER the top, not under! It adds to an easier tear, and thats the way it should be..
6.)If there is air freshener in the room, PLEASE use it..
7.)Lastly, I know that there are emergencies BUT, get up a little earlier and...SHIT AT HOME!!!!
Thank you for your cooperation!!
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