Monday, November 15, 2010

TMI Tuesday....

A Mr. Eeyore asks..."Oh Bother..., I'm so sad,
Could you please make me laugh"?
Dear Eeyore, Of course I can!.
Q. What does a drunk Walrus and a woman at a Tupperware party have in common?
A. They are both looking for a tight Seal!
Q. Whats the cheapest meat you can buy?
A. Deer balls...They are under a Buck!
Q. What did the elephant say to the naked man?
A. How do you breathe through that tiny trunk?
Rufus calls his wife from the hospital..."Honey? I'm afraid I've got some bad news, I just cut off one of my fingers"!
The wife asks...The whole finger?
"Naw...The one right next to it"!
Bill's wife has been bugging him for years for a set of fake boobs.
"Bill...Please. The surgery only costs 4000 Dollars"!
I know a way that you can enlarge them WITHOUT surgery.
"Without surgery?"
Yeah...Just rub some toilet paper between them twice a day.
"Toilet paper? How will that enlarge my breasts"?
I'm not really sure, but it sure has worked on your ass!!
A Grasshopper walks into a bar and orders a beer.
As he was pouring the beer, the bartender says...
"Ya know, we have a drink named after you".
The Grasshopper says...You have a drink named Bob?
A Gorilla walks into a bar and orders a beer.
As he was pouring the beer, the bartender says..
"That'll be Five Bucks. And ya know, we sure don't get too many Gorilla's coming in here."
The Gorilla reaches for his wallet and says..
'At Five Bucks a beer...It's no fucking wonder'!
Q. Why don't Baptist's ever have sex standing up?
A. People might think that they are dancing!
Q. Whats the difference between an Oral and a Rectal Thermometer?
A. The taste!
Q. How many male chauvinist pigs does it take to change a light bulb in a kitchen?
A. None! Let the bitch cook in the dark...
Q. What was found in the toilet on the Starship Enterprise?
A. The Captains Log!!
Eeyore, I hope that you are a little happier now, but all this jocularity has made Mr. Knowitall grow very weary, I bid you Adieu....


Caty said...

I don't know about Eeyore...but I'm happier. Can't stop laughing :)

Brian Miller said...

oh my...this just might get me through the mid minth paperwork tonight g! have a wonderful evening...

Me said...

Hahaha! Yep, that did the trick. :)

Serena said...

If you've made Eeyore laugh, you've done your job. LOL.:)

moondustwriter said...

yes I believe even Eeyore would give you a chuckle or two Mr. Know it All.

But then you knew that

Happy Monday - hope your week is great

Moon smiles

Shadow said...

what a perfect way to start the day. hope it worked for eeyore too...

Deborah said...

LOL ... what a great way to start the day ... so funny!! :o)

the walking man said...

I am afraid to say which made me laugh the loudest. Butt I think you can figure it out.

Anonymous said...

Excellent stuff!!!

Have a happy day, Boonie

Bubba said...

Question: Where does the gorilla carry his wallet? (There's no punch-line; I was just wondering)

Jerry said...

The TP one had me laughing out

Myrna R. said...

So funny. Thanks for this medicine.

lime said...

bwahahaha! there were one or two there that i hadn't heard....rufus sticks out especially :P

Nessa said...

I just love me some naughty bits.

Susan at Stony River said...

It's not logical, but 'a drink named Bob' was my biggest laugh in the whole list -- ROFLMAO!!

Loved it!

secret agent woman said...

Whole lot of misogyny in those jokes - good thing Eeyore isn't female.

LEAT said...

Great Saturday lols, will be sharing your page with friends :)
Thanks, have a great weekend.