Monday, April 12, 2010

TMI Tuesday.....

A Mr. Irving Lipshitz from Elmyra New York asks...

"Dear Mr. Knowitall, I Just won a Comedy Joke-Off at our local pub's Talent Night, and 'First Prize' was that I get to open for Hymen Marx, Catskill Legend and Great-Grandson of Zeppo Marx. I was born a Reformed Jew, which is almost Catholic, and I don't know very many 'Jewish Jokes' that are 'politically correct'. Could you PLEASE help a Brotha out"?

Dear Irving....Of course I can!

* Why don't Jewish mother's drink alcohol?
It interferes with their suffering!

* Why do Jewish Mothers make great parole officers?
They never let anyone finish a sentence!

* How many Jewish Mothers does it take to change a light bulb?
(sigh) "Don't bother...I'll sit in the dark. I don't wanna be a nuisance".

* Whats the difference between a rotweiler and a Jewish mother?
Eventually the rotweiler lets go!

* There's always been a Judaic controversy of when life begins.
They believe that the fetus is not viable until it graduates from medical school!

* Speaking of doctor's...The Doctor called Mrs. Cohen and said. "Mrs. Cohen, the check you wrote for the treatment came back". Mrs. Cohen answered, "So did my arthritus!"

* Patient: I have a ringing in my ears.
Doctor: Don't answer!

* The Doctor gave a man 6 months to live. The man couldn't pay his bill so the Doctor gave him another 6 Months!!!

* I just got back from a pleasure trip...I took my Mother-In-Law to the airport!

* I've been in love with the same woman for 49 years...If my wife ever finds out she'll kill me!

* Someone stole all my credit cards! But I didn't report it because the thief spends less than my wife...

* My wife and I got a waterbed at the last hotel we stayed at...She called it The Dead Sea!

* My wife and I always hold hands when we go out...If I let go She Shops!

* Short summary of every Jewish Holiday...They tried to kill us..We Won..Lets eat!!!

* A bum walks up to a Jewish Mother on the street and says.."Lady, I haven't eaten in 3 whole days"! The Mother replied...'Force yourself.'

* And Finally...Why are Jewish men circumsized?
Because Jewish Women don't like anything thats NOT 20% off!

Irving...? Good Question.....Break A Leg!!!

Oy Gevalt!!! Mr. Knowitall grows weary.



Brian Miller said...

lol. you are the penultimate joke book g-man...

Anonymous said...

OMG 20% off will never be the same again. LOL

Serena said...

I don't think I'll be vacationing in the Catskills this year. LOL.

Mona said...


Jana said...

I’m very glad that there are Tuesdays and that I’m around floating somewhere to go visit your blog on Tuesdays.

The Rogue Kitchen Witch said...

*snickers* good ones G-Daddy!


A Daft Scots Lass said...

LMAO....I had a good giggle with this one.

the walking man said...

I need that 20% wasn't a discount.

Shadow said...

heee heeee heeeee, you're the best!

buffalodick said...

Priest and a Rabbi walking down the street..Priest says to Rabbi; "Let's go over to my parish and screw a couple of altar boys"! Rabbi says; "Outta what?"

Greg S. said...

Great, just great! I'm glad that you'll be here all week!!


Maude Lynn said...

You are so funny!

Melissa Russell said...

I couldn't resist this!!! I luver the one about the Medical school. Isn't that the truth, but considering boys aren't considered men until thirty does that change things?????