Wednesday, February 28, 2007

Tuesday, February 27, 2007

Bottoms up!!

So I'm talking to my daughter about boozin, and I tell her like all parents do..
"Be careful, I dont want you to go through life being drunk and stupid"! And she says that sounded like a line from Animal House. And I said , "it is, but that's still good advice, and I do know a little about drunks". And then she asked exactly what I do know. I then said.......

According to the Bible, Noah was the first person to get drunk!

King Scorpian I of Egypt was such a lush, that his body was entombed with over 700 bottles of resin infused hooch to ease his journey into the afterlife.

The great philospher Socrates would get so wasted, that long after his students left the symposium he would continue to lecture.....alone!

The Macedonian King Alexander The Great, was infamous for his marathon drinking sessions. His best "friend" Hephaestion, died after chugging a 1/2 gallon of wine for breakfast.Alexander himself, died after a drinking contest at age 32.

Pope Benedict XII was such a boozer that the phrase "drunk as a Pope" became popular in his lifetime.

SelimII, Sultan of the Ottomans, was also known as Selim the SOT! He could drink a bottle of Cypress Wine without drawing a breath. In fact, when he ran out of his favorite Cypress wine once, he invaded Cypress and massacred 30,000 people in the process!

The great composer Beethoven, died of hepatic cirrhosis of the liver at age 57. Just before he died he cheerily announced.."Wine is both necessary, and good for me.."

President Andrew Johnson was such a drunk, that he missed his own inaugural address. When the Chief Justice was sent to tell him that Lincoln was dead and he was President, He was so drunk that he passed out after taking the oath of office, and had to be carried to the WhiteHouse.

Prime Minister Winston Churchill of England, started each morning with a glass of Riesling.
Then kept topping it off with whiskey until bed time. And although it wrecked his health, he used to brag, "I have taken more out of alcohol, than alcohol has taken out of me"...

So I finished my tutorial ranting by saying....."Now, let that be a lesson to you!"
She chuckled aloud and said...."Ok Daddy, I'll be careful." She hasn't disappointed me yet..

Monday, February 26, 2007

Hands Across The Water.........

My daughter is in her junior year in college. She attends U/M in Ann Arbor, but is spending the entire school year as an exchange student in Prague Czech Republic. My Veryzon service allows me to call her for 20 cents a minute, so we speak often. And more often than not, when I do reach her, she is sitting in some sidewalk cafe' drinking beer for 50 cents a glass! She is only 20, but the legal drinking age is 18, so according to her it's OK. I'm not really cool with this but what the hell, I can't slap her. She claims that beer is cheeper than water anyway, and she is on a strict budget, so she is saving money by drinking beer! ......Now I've had many reasons in my life to be very proud of my daughter, but honest to God, to actually say that with a straight face to your overly-protective father? Thats my baby!!
Now with that in mind, I was watching a Travel Channel program on the Czech Republic last week, and they claimed that the country with the highest per/capita beer consumption in the world was...........The Czech Republic!! I thought HOLY SHIT how much beer are you drinking, to drink more than an Aussi, or a German, or a Canadian for Christ sake? Listen, I went to grad school at the University of Windsor in Ontario, and we had 3 pubs on campus alone. We had many Aussi students attending there, and let me tell you they can Pound Them Down! So if a Czech drinks more than those guys, they must certainly deserve that honor. I'm going somewhere with this story folks so please be patient, but you know it's kinda late and I am tired, so I think I'll save my destination until tomorrow...........Sorry.....Galen

Saturday, February 24, 2007

Don't Bug Me!

Hello everyone, I hope you are all feeling well this week-end. Myself, I was a bit under the weather on Friday. I even called in sick which is a rarity for me to do. I think it was a 24 hr virus, since I feel much better today. Thanks to all that wished me well, and offered advice toward a speedy recovery. Of course I didn't barf, but I did expel much body matter.
Much body matter! Projectile expulsion of much body matter! And often!

Since even I don't want to hear any more about that subject, that doe's give me the segue' into my educational post of the week. Wonderous facts about the Human Condition............

The average adult stool weighs about 4 ounces. About 1/2 of that bulk comprises of the dead bodies of bacteria that live in your intestines.

Your mouth produces about one quart of saliva a day.

You have approximately 4000 wax glands in each ear.

The average male foot exudes about a 1/2 pint of sweat a day.

The average person will pass about 11,000 gallons of urine in their lifetime.

If it weren't for the slimy mucous that clings to and lines the walls of your gut, your stomach would readily digest itself.

A complete human skeleton is worth about 5000-7500 dollars to a medical student. The skull alone is worth only 450 bucks.

"Demodex Folliculorum" has 8 stumpy legs and a tail, is about 1/3 of a millimeter long, and lives in the oily reserves of hair folliculs. Mostly on the head, but also on your eyelashes and nipples.
Most adult humans have this mite.

And all in all the human body comprises enough fat to make 7 bars of soap. Enough iron to make a medium nail. Enough potassium to explode a toy cannon. Enough lime to white wash a small chicken coup. Enough sugar to fill a small jam jar. And enough sulfur to rid a dog of fleas.

And you thought you were just a hank of hair and a piece of bone, and was a walkin talkin, honey-comb!....G-Mans Educational post of the week. Peace!

Friday, February 23, 2007

SignGurl Rocks!!!

Well wasn't that special? The unveiling of The G-Man! I'm not very experianced at this HNT crap, so a big shout out to the perky and too cute for words Jodi Girl, for reminding me once again that it's time to post new. And folks, all of this was made possible by the beautiful, talented, charming, and ever shrinking Jenn, aka SignGurl. Jenn has a huge Heart of Gold and helps all of us that are in dire need. Manny can attest to that also. Everyone that knows Jenn loves her dearly, and I can't imagine a day without her. She gave me the courage and inspiration to do the previous post and I'll always be at her service.
I wasn't really scared to post a picture of myself, I just didn't know how to go about it. Maybe you CAN teach an old dog new tricks! And speaking of old, there are some tell-tale signs of aging that maybe you should be aware of.....


When you were in school, there was NO History!
Your Social Security number is 000-oo-0006.
Getting a little 'action' means you don't need fiber today.
Getting 'lucky' means you find your car in the parking lot.
An All-Nighter means not getting up to piss.
Going Bra-Less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.
You change your underwear after every sneeze.
You DON'T care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along!

Some of your favorite games might be....

SAG, your it!
Hide and go...pee.
20 Questions.........Shouted into your good ear!
Musical recliners.
Pin the Toupee on the bald guy.
Red Rover, Red Rover..The nurse says bend over!
Kick the Bucket!!

Are you happy now Jodi?.....Peace.........Galen

Thursday, February 22, 2007

Wednesday, February 21, 2007


What if everyone gave up blogging for lent? It appears that some residents of Chicago already have. But could you do it? Could you give up this addiction? Lets see, shall we? I'll start.....

Sunday, February 18, 2007

How'd You Get Those Beads Again?..

My two favorite places in this great country of ours is Las Vegas, and New Orleans, or as the locals lovingly refer to as 'Nawlins'. And narrowing it down even further is The French Quarter.
It's the oldest, and the most famous neighborhood in New Orleans. Geographically it's about a 8 block by 12 block area along the Mississippi River. It was founded in 1718 by the French, but also has a touch of Spanish influence added to the mix.
People always hear about how dangerous a place it is. But within the actual confines of the Quarter, it is quite safe. It is a collage of sights and sounds and smells, that is second to none . Just walking around the Quarter, you are entertained on every sidewalk and street corner by a collection of art and music that would cost a fortune in any other place in the world. One of my fondest recollections of the place, is walking back to my room very late one night after a rousing night of partying on Bourbon St. I took a shortcut that I knew of, and on the way I had to pass through a less travelled area. Almost to my room, the most beautiful, melodic sound I've ever heard was echoing through the alleyway. Leaning up against a corner lamp post, was a tattered old guy, maybe 65 or so, but he could have been younger, he just looked worn out. And the most haunting music was pouring out of his old Sax. I stood there in awe of this man, full well knowing that if he were in the hick town where I live, he would be headlining the local Jazz club.
But in Nawlins, he was leaning up against a lamp post at 3:00 in the morning. I stood there for quite a while, and as I turned to leave I smiled and tossed a 5 dollar bill in his open Sax case laying on the sidewalk. His eyes met mine, he winked at me, and continued playing his soulful Sax, never missing a note.......

Thats one of the reasons that I love that place. Another of course is the food! The fabulous, spicy, awesome food!! Fresh oysters, crawfish, blackened Redfish, Shrimp, Gumbo, Etouffe', Jambolaya, gater tail, Po-Boys, and my favorite..The Muffaletta Sandwich.

Every Fat Tuesday ( Mardi Gras ) where I work , we have a kitchen area that has a sink, a large fridge, and 2 microwaves. I also keep a double burner hot plate there at all times. On Fat Tuesday, I get to work long before we open the doors for business. THATS MY DAY!!!
I start by bringing in my boom box and playing hours of Cajun, Creole, and Zydeco music that I've burned on CD's. On every table I put hundreds of beads, and trinkets that I've accumilated over the years from my many visits there. I usually prepare the same two dishes every year because they are easy to make...Chicken Jambolaya, and my version of The Mufaletta.
In a large pot that I set on my hot plate, I start sauteeing in olive oil, 3 large onions, 3 any color peppers, 3 whole Jalapenas( seeds and all ), 3 cloves of garlic, 3 pounds of deboned chicken thighs, and season with salt, pepper, thyme, basil, paprika, and oregano. 1 whole tablespoon of each spice...OMG!! Within a 1/2 hr everyones in the kitchen asking me the same questions that they ask me year after year, because the smell wafts out into the showroom driving everyone nuts!....After about another 1/2 hour, I add 3 sticks of Andouille Sausage to the mix,( you can use any smoked sausage if Andouille is unavailable ), 3 small cans of chicken broth, and 2 large cans of canned tomatoes . When this mix comes to a boil, turn down the heat to low, and add 2 boxes of Zatarans Jambolaya mix. Myself, I have a mix of spices from the Quarter that I add to it, and then I just add plain rice( 2 cups raw rice ) but the Zatarans works just fine ! Cover and let cook for 30 minutes......DONE!

The Mufaletta at first glance merely looks like an Italian sub. But it has one wonderfully extra topping that sets it apart from all others..The Olive Salad topping!
I make my own olive salad and it's quick and easy...Heres my version...
In a large bowl add 2 large jars of drained, chopped green olives with pimentos
Add 1 large jar of drained chopped roasted peppers.
Mix in 1/4 cup of EVOO ( ask Rachel Ray ) and set aside.
If you have a local bakery, you can request that he bake you 2 loaves of ROUND Italian bread!
But in a pinch, buy two loaves of Italian unsliced. Slice it in two lengthwise, but make the top half a little thicker. Lay the bread on the table, and by hand pull some of the extra bread out of the top half so when you put the 2 halves together, all of the stuff that you are about to pile on fits better..For 2 sandwiches, you should have...
1# of Sliced hard salami
1# of sliced genoa salami
2# of sliced ham
1# of sliced Mozzarella
1# of sliced Provalone
With both loaves layed out on the table, Take a brush and slather EVOO on each side of the bread loaf halves.lightly but evenly.
then on each of the 'bottom' halves start layering your meat and cheeses.
1st the ham..then the Moz...then the salami, then the Provalone, then the Genoa. repeat layering till you run out of stuff. Then top it off with the salad mixture until the top of the sandwich is thickly covered.
Put the top half of the bread on....Voila!!!.....the Mufaletta
Cut into small portions because it is quite filling.

All of this food usually feeds between 12-20 people...YUM OH!!
The music...The aroma...the food...the FUN! Mardi Gras!!!!!
Laissez Les Bontemps Roullez......Let The Good Times Roll.....Peace. Galen

Friday, February 16, 2007

Gentlemen, Start Your Engines...

First of all let me say that I am not a NASCAR racing fan. I know nothing of the point standings, or how they are even tabulated. But because it is such a huge part of the American culture of today, you can't help but to absorb it almost by accident...No pun intended. And since this week-end is the Daytona 500, for those of you that do follow it, you may find this story amusing.
It was on a Friday at work, in the summer of 05. It was almost closing time , and I could see my sales manager going from office to office, stopping briefly, then moving on to the next one. She finally got to me, and asked if me and my son would like to go to M I S ( Michigan International Speedway ) on Sunday as guests of Chevrolet. We would be provided with VIP passes, pit passes, and great seats for the race. I could give a rats ass about going, but I called my son and he said sure why not? So I got all of the admittence items from my boss and went home.
We got up at 4:30 Sunday morning for the 80 mile drive. Things went great until we got about 25 miles from the speedway, then it slowed to a crawl. Now people, this was about 6:00 am for a 1:00 pm start. I'm very accustomed to traffic jams for huge sporting events, since I've had season tickets for U/M football games for 30 years. But this was frickin crazy! It took 1 1/2 hrs to go 25 miles. We were finally parked in an old cow pasture about 1/2 mile from the track, and thank God a shuttle van was whisking folks to the grandstand. When we finally got admitted in the gate, we made our way to the hospitality tent provided by Chevy. By then we were starving, and the smell of pancakes and sausage and eggs was wafting about everywhere. As we found our table, and a few other friends, we sat to eat. One of the people eating at our table, was a squirrelly looking little guy that everyone was ooing and aahhing over. Ocassionally some little kids and some hot chicks, would approach him to get an autograph. Mostly he was gracious, but often he was quite abrupt...maybe he was nervous? One of my pals said his name was Jimmy Johnson...BFD! After breakfast we had lots of time to kill, so me and the boy followed the rest of our table to what they call the pit area. There you could see the race cars up close and personal. And they were magnificent! Colorful, loud, sleek, and powerful. Interesting for even a non fan such as myself. As we were perusing the cars, my boss asked a favor of me. It seems that every year they have different vehicles that serve as Pace Cars. This year they had 28 Dura-Max diesel 3/4 ton ton pick-ups, that was all honorary Pace Cars. Now heres the deal, it seems that one by one a driver from 28 different dealerships was to pick up a Nascar driver in the pit area, and he would hop in the bed of the diesel and be driven around the track for a lap. Waving to the crowd, like Roman Legions headed into battle. I said I would do this only if my son could sit in the truck while I drove it around the track, they said OK.
As all of the designated dealer drivers were given their final instructions, we were given the keys and we found our truck. Slowly, in single file, we approached the pit area. We were # 25 in line and had no idea who our passenger would be. When we finally got to our desinated pick up point, low and behold, a guy in a frickin Dodge uniform hops in the back. His name was Elliot Sadler. So here I am at M I S , slowly driving around the track with this waving Dodge guy in the back. We were told not to exceed 20 mph. Now the crowd at a U/M football games is always about 110,000. The crowd at M I S is about 135,000! It was bedlam! Not only were these people super fanatical, but there is a camping contingent on what they call the 'infield', that harbors nothing but drunks. And drunk chicks showing their tits to my 15 year old. My smiling 15 year old I might add. While we were making our final approach toward the pit area, I hollored out the window to Sadler, and asked him to sign our Chevy hats since we got him safely around the track in one piece. He said sure, but he didn't have a pen. My son is always prepared for such crap, and he happened to have a Sharpie, so I passed the hats and pen to him and had him sign them. Just as we came to a stop in the pit, right next to my sons open window stood Kid Rock! One foot away! He grabbed the digital camera and snapped a few pics, and we were done driving. But as Elliot was being led away to his car to drive in the race, I then realized that the fucker stole my sons Sharpie pen. Well by then it was too late and he was long gone, Sharpie and all. Ya know karma came into play that afternoon, because on the 9th lap he blew a tire, and was out of the race for the day. Served him right!
We really didn't care to stay for the whole race that day, and booked a little early. We caught the shuttle back to the cow pasture and while we were trying to find our car, a very strange situation hit us . We were surounded by a sea of empty returnable bottles EVERYWHERE!!
You wouldn't believe it...thousands of emptys! I finally found the car, and my son spent the next 45 minutes jamming my Cavalier to the absolute busting point. So not only did we have an exciting father /son bonding day, but made over 60 bucks in emptys, AND saw lots of drunk chicks titties!.........Thats my NASCAR story.........Peace....Galen

Thursday, February 15, 2007


Nearing midnight, sitting at the computer in my boxer shorts, wearing only one sock. Thats because my other sock is laying on the pee spot, that I just stepped in! Now for all you pet owners, thats nothing new, but I hate it. Maybe thats why I bought a 5 brush Hoover Steam Jet.
A whole lotta love has been floating around Bloggerville today folks, and a few people out there need a few hugs. The beautiful Kristen, paid a wonderful birthday tribute to her friend and blog superstar Madame X...BTW, Happy Birthday Madame! The sensational Angel of Mercy...
Nurse Jillie, has a terribly gnarly foot that was recently operated on. This foot has caused our Florence Nightengale to be in much pain, and we don't like it one bit! Get well soon sweetie..
The very funny and talented Crabcake, had a power sander explode on her today, filling her lungs with all kinds of crap. On top of the fact that she was recently killed by a pineapple!
Our favorite Hot Bitch Roxi, started a new job this week at Helio. Congratulations baby cakes.
After a big scare, our friend Gabby Gale, got to bring her grandson Logan home from the hospital. We all helped prayed for that to happen.
Anyway, thats another facet of blogging, not only does it serve as a catharsis for a troubled soul, but it a source of great comfort for people in need of a little love and a hug. It's a wonderful support group for any type of day your having..... I'm not a NASCAR fan at all, but I do have a great story to tell about it tomorrow. AND last but not least...MARDI GRAS!! I'll be sharing some traditional New Orleans recipes for one of my favorite days. And a very special thanks to the beautiful Chandra. For once I am at a loss for words for what she means to me. I think she knows....She's the prettiest flower in the garden, and the brightest star in the sky....
The Girls Got Rhythm..........................Peace...................................Galen


By now I'm sure you've all heard that my daytime PC, is Jacked Up! Sometimes I can comment, sometimes I can't. I'm planning a drawn out post for Friday, so I'll excuse everyone from joke tellin for Thursday. I just want to say that there are an awful lot of kind, careing, and thoughtful people in Bloggerville. I had a lousy day....But it is over now, and thanks much for cheering me up. I consider everyone that leaves a comment on my unadorned , silly blog, to be my friend.
I'm a very lucky guy!..........And I know it.......Peace........Galen

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

Your Joking?

Oh well, fame is so fleeting. One day in this case, hahahahahahaha. But I think the G-Man struck upon a little theme here. I enjoyed being entertained so much, that I desire more. The Fame Game was OK, but when the weather is so lousy, it sure helps to laugh. So I think I'm gonna have a Joke Off. Everybody knows a joke. No matter if it sucks, I'm not Simon, I'll appreciate it!
I don't care if it's a Limmerick, I don't care if it's naughty, I don't care if it stinks, I want to hear it! Please follow the rules...Participate.
I'll start.......

Two guys walk into a bar.......The third guy ducks!

A Catholic Priest, a Rabbi, and a Black Man, walk into a bar, and the bartender says...
What is this, some kind of joke?

There once was a fella named Glass
That had two balls made outta Brass
When he clanked them together
They played " Stormy Weather"
And Lightening .....shot out of Ass!

Have I warmed the crowd up yet? As Bluto Blutarski once said..."Lets do iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiitt".

Monday, February 12, 2007

Name Dropper.........

That was a wunnerful walk down memory lane, lets all thank the ever-shrinking and very lovely..Signgurl. And a special thanks to another blog icon, the vivacious Manny! It was those two ladies that urged me to recall that pleasant encounter.
I have one more "brush with fame " post planned before this week-end.... But enough allready!
Before I go there again, the G-Man would like to know about my fellow bloggers " brushs with fame". Who was the 1st really famous person, that you can remember seeing and/or meeting?
I'll start.... In the early days of TV in southern-lower Michigan, there was a local morning childrens show host by the name of Sage Brush Shorty. He was a ventrilaquist, and his dummy was a smart-ass named Bronco-Billy Buttons. Our Cub Scout pack all went to see The Outdoor Camping and Fishing show, and he was the star attraction. He stayed after the show and shook hands and signed autographs........OK. I want to hear about you......

Sunday, February 11, 2007

Wunnerful Wunnerful.......

I've had several fellow bloggers ask me today..." G-Man please tell us a Lawrence Welk Story". You know me, how can I turn down such a sincere request? Well it just so happens that I do have a Champagne Music story to tell.
The year was circa 1970. I've told you about my fraternity back in college, and the fact that we used to usher at the beautiful Whiting Auditorium. Unfortunately, all of the shows were not Jerry Lee Lewis, or Smokey Robinson. One of the shows that we had to usher for was, " The Stars of the Lawrence Welk Show". Actually that was accurate in every regard, except for the fact that Larry himself never toured with the show. He left control of his namesake band, in the very formidable hands of Myron Floren. The Master of the Accordian!
You young folks out there may not realize this, but Lawrence Welk was huge! Not him personally, but his show was a monster on TV and syndication for years. In fact it's still on PBS now at times. His ensemble of stars could hold their own with any quality of Broadway or Las Vegas productions.He had the deep-voiced Larry Hooper, he had the tap dancing Arthur Duncan, he had the Irish Tenor Joe Feeny, he had the great Jo Ann Castle on Honkey Tonk piano, he had the great dance partners of Bobby Burgess and Barbara Boylen. But the absolute darlings of the show was the lovely Lennon Sisters.
Now usually a show like this, was very hard to work. The main reason was because the average age of the audiance bordered extinction. What do you think? Lawrence Fricken Welk!!
Holy shit, the concession stand was selling Geritol shots, and Nitro. If you didn't get high by then, trust me, you started that night....Anyway, all I wanted to do was to finish my door man job that night and book outta there ASAP. Like I really needed to go backstage THAT night to keep the groupies away. Don't forget, this cast of squeaky clean characters , made Ozzie and Harriet Nelson, look like Ozzie and Sharon Osborne....
But......I got the call, me and Mange got task of guarding the back door. Manges real name was Dick M, but everyone had a nickname back then, Ajax, Shakey, Mondo ( he got the name because he tagged a 37 year old MILF and the 18 year old the same time) .
Getting back to the story, while back stage, the dancin mannequin Bobby Burgess rushes up to us and asked if there was a TV in the house. ...WHY?....Because it seems that an episode of Lawrence Welk was on Channel 12 at 7:00 pm and he wanted to see himself on the tube. Now I thought to myself..( This is only the 45,0000th time you've danced with this bitch and you want to see it again?), but even back then the G-Man showed much compassion. " Bobby, this is what I'll do for you". I then left Mange in charge of the door, and ran across the street to the frat house and grabbed my 12 in B/W TV with aluminum foil on the rabbit ears, and brought it back to the waiting room. So that Bobby Freakin Burgess can watch himself two-step on my tiny tube. He was very grateful though, so I wasn't too pissed about it. The Lennon Sisters were HOT!
..And yet another brush with fame...From the G-Man....Peace, and a One and a Two.....

Saturday, February 10, 2007

Say What?

You know you've been blogging way to much, when you talk to the people in the "real" world, like they just posted new.....

Good morning Tim Horton's, would you like to try our new breakfast sandwich?
"No, just a large regular coffee with double cream please...But thank you for asking, that was most considerate of you"........( gimme the coffee and shut the fuck up)

Or walking through the service department in the morning...
Good morning Galen, hows it going?
" Hey it's a glorious day....Thank you for asking!"( UGH)

Hey Galen, feelin allright?
" You know, as long as I'm reading the obituarys, instead of starring in them, it's OK"..( UGH)

Or walking thru the office in the morning....
Morning Galen.
"Good morning Kathy, God I love a fine, friendly, and exceedingly hot woman". (bitch)

Mornin Galen Honey
" Oh hi Tina, has Playboy called for that pictorial yet"?(Hustler....maybe )

Or sitting in my office, when a customer comes in ........
Hey Galen, I just wanted to thank you for the free oil change, you didn't have to pay for it.
"Billy my boy, it's the least I can do for all the trust and confidence, that you've placed in me over the years. I can't tell you how much I appreciate you asking for me again and again".
( cheap fucker)

Galen, thanks for getting me that owners manual.
"Ed, it's one of the many many services of Vic Canever Chevrolet".( no problem)

I'm tired, Thank You all, for visiting the G-Man...........Peace ( of ass....hahahahahaha )

Friday, February 9, 2007


This one will be short and sweet, I'll post later tonight....Growing Old.

This week there was good news and bad news on the growing old front. The good news is, I can thank that wacked out Shuttle Bitch, for one thing. The next time I go get my Depends at Rite-Aid, I can proudly say out loud, " yes, I would like those Astronaut Liners please."

The bad news is, WOW! It sure is getting easier to brush my hair in the Morning!


Wednesday, February 7, 2007

Alan Fricken Greenspan...I Am

I'm sorry to report that there are no gastric, culinary, or urinary references in this post!

I'm thinking about starting a series regarding my local watering hole. Even though Border's is my favorite place to unwind, G-Man does not live by coffee alone. I frequent a "Cheers" like place called..Down The Hatch. As soon as I hit the door, I get a big smile and a hug from the very pretty bar keep named Ranay. Without saying a thing she goes back behind the bar and pours my usual beveridge..Diet Coke. As I belly up to the bar, the usual list of patrons all come by and shake my hand, and chit chat briefly, then move on. I seem to hold an unusual position in this place. Most everyone in there works for minimum wage, or not at all. There are several folks that do work for GM, or are retired from there, but for the most part it's VERRRRY blue collar. Everyone in there knows that I sell cars for a living. For some reason, people think that the car business is glamorous...Yeah right..But they also know that I'm a big U/M fan with season tickets, and an alumni and all.....So, because I went to college, have a steady job, and never get wasted into oblivian, they come and they talk, and talk, and talk. You know of course what I do.....I listen, and listen, and listen. I don't mind. Everybody's got a story to tell, and they need somebody to listen. I guess that honor is bestowed upon me.
One night when there was no sports on the TV, CNN and Fox news was playing on all the screens. Suddenly an unusually loud and heated argument erupts from behind me, I tried not to listen, since I was focused upon the lovely Ranays perfect bosom, as she was bending over washing glasses. But eventually the argument slowly gravitated in my direction, and I was called into action...

Hey Galen, you went to college right?
Yes, why?
OK, if the country is in so much trouble, why don't they just print more money?
Now I was in a bit of a dilemma, I usually don't speak over anyone's head in this place, I think thats why I'm considered a regular, so without trying to sound too scholerly, did my best to break it down...
All right, say 5 of you are playing poker with chips, and I am the bank. All chips are worth 1.00 a piece. Then say after an hour, 2 of you run out of chips. You have no more money, but you want to keep playing, you then come to me and want 100 more chips. So I give you each, 100 chips.
NOW, say after a while everyone wants to cash out. Do I have enough money to pay everyone?
After about 5 seconds of stunned silence, one of the arguers turned to the arguee and said one!
They all turned and went back to drinking and laughing again. Since then, I have been called upon many times to give my "college" opinion on things. I would like to say that since that time I would have a distinctive moniker, one of respect and honor. A name like..Mr. Knowitall, or The Proffessor, and alas, I do have a term of endearment that I am referred to...The Car Guy!!

.....I chuckle to myself, " I guess it's better than the Asshole".......Peace The Car Guy.

Tuesday, February 6, 2007

Last Call For Dips.......

Due to the incessant badgering of me by certain hostile forces, I'm caveing like a sinkhole and sharing my hard earned recipe coup with the world. Now the crab dip chick says that it was her mom's claim to fame in the party circles, and this is it.......Originally
2 cans (13 oz ) of Artichoke Hearts
2 cans of shredded crab
2 cups of grated/shredded Parmesian Cheese
1 cup of Mayo...chop up the hearts, mix all ingrediants in a baking dish..30 minutes at 350
Serve on little round Italian toasts or

...But NOT so fast. After I actually bought the chick her 6.00 shot of PATRON, she tells me that this is not exactly her mom's recipe. I said look, I'm not doing a fuckin term paper for the Culinary School, I like THAT (points to ) dip . Can I hear how you made it? She finally talked!
2 cans of Artichoke Hearts
2 cans of shredded crab...I package of Krab ( the fake crab shit)
1 cup of grated Parmesian
1 cup of grated Swiss Cheese
Instead of mayo she used 1 pkg of cream cheese
1 cup of sour cream
Chop...Mix...Bake...Serve.....Eat....Enjoy!..........your welcome KJ.


1.) Subway............................Quizno's

2.) Corset..............................Garter Belt

3.) Spitz..............................Swallows


Have you ever had to pee so bad that you either snuck into, or boldly entered, a male public
rest room? And if so, please describe in explicit detail, the exact circumstances that led to that desperate decision. And what were the results? Were you OK with yourself after that, or did you laugh your ass off like a couple of high school freshmen?

Web People Want To Know..........Peace.......G-Man

Monday, February 5, 2007

Game Over...

I've never posted from home before so this is all virgin territory to me....A grand time was had by all at the Super Bowl party. My Gargonzola dip was a huge hit, as there was none left. And I was soundly chastised for Not bringing my Vidalia Onion dip. C'est la vie!
Actually some one else brought a dip that I am totally going to steal. That being a Crab, cheese, and artichoke dip..Yum Oh! I bribed the chick that brought it with a shot of Patron, so she would reveal the recipe', but you'll have to wait until next year for that. They had lots of great food, I won a square on the game, bought several rounds, and won a free T-Shirt..Pabst Blue Ribbon!

What'l you have?
Pabst Blue Ribbon...Pabst Blue Ribbon Beer!!

I know that Gabby, Crabby, Terry, and TC, remember that catchy ditty.
( The shit always gave me a headache )

All in all, the whole night only set me back 20 bucks. A small price to pay, to be with good friends. Anyway, now that I know how to do this, I'll be doing this more often!!
G-Man in the 21st century!! Peace.....

Saturday, February 3, 2007

....That Wonderful Fruit.

OK, enough of this girly crap. I just had a reversal. I couldn't take the mood swings!
But as my last forray into feminism, I will share with you all a side dish that has become known to my co-workers as Galen's Beans...Now I'm here to tell you that I do know how to make REAL baked beans. Soaking, molasses, bacon, blah blah blah, but this is a bit different than doctored up Bush Beans, although thats what it is. If you can't handle hot shit, or you are a vegetarian, you won't like this, but it is different, and there will be NONE left over..

Beans...Those gasseous little granules of gastronomic delight! Just make a small batch as a side compliment, and see how it goes over. If no one likes them...Never make them again.
Start with a 1 # pkg of Bob Evans HOT pork sausage, scramble it in a frying pan over medium heat. While it is rendering down add 1 chopped up red bell pepper, 1 whole Jalapeno pepper chopped up, seeds and all! On the side have ready 1 medium chopped up onion, 1/4 cup of any BB-Q sauce...or ketchup, and 1/4 cup of maple syrup( fake is OK).
In an oven ready dish, add ALL of the above ingrediants along with a 28 oz can of either B&M or Bush Beans ..Now folks this is not brain science, you can tweak it a tad, like 2 small cans of beans instead, or if Bob Evans is not available in your area Jimmy Dean Hot, or any Hot breakfast sausage will do. But it must be HOT... Mix well, bake in the oven at 350 for one hour, and be prepared to accept the glory and admiration of your guests.

I hope your week-end goes well. I really don't give a rip who wins the game, just be safe!
..and the beans? Blame the dog!........Peace........G-Man

Friday, February 2, 2007

Snip and Zip...

The G-Man will be gone for a few hours today, I'm going to Metro to catch a flight to Sweden.
After days of soul searching, I've decided to go ahead with my sex change. I figured what the heck, my man boobs still look pretty good, and I don't use the wedding tackle much anymore. I don't really know if anybody would know the difference anyway. I like the smell of lip gloss!!
In lieu of a topic of discussion, because lets face it, you all saw it comming. I'm going to pick a word at random, how about........Hummer......discuss.