Friday, February 16, 2007

Gentlemen, Start Your Engines...

First of all let me say that I am not a NASCAR racing fan. I know nothing of the point standings, or how they are even tabulated. But because it is such a huge part of the American culture of today, you can't help but to absorb it almost by accident...No pun intended. And since this week-end is the Daytona 500, for those of you that do follow it, you may find this story amusing.
It was on a Friday at work, in the summer of 05. It was almost closing time , and I could see my sales manager going from office to office, stopping briefly, then moving on to the next one. She finally got to me, and asked if me and my son would like to go to M I S ( Michigan International Speedway ) on Sunday as guests of Chevrolet. We would be provided with VIP passes, pit passes, and great seats for the race. I could give a rats ass about going, but I called my son and he said sure why not? So I got all of the admittence items from my boss and went home.
We got up at 4:30 Sunday morning for the 80 mile drive. Things went great until we got about 25 miles from the speedway, then it slowed to a crawl. Now people, this was about 6:00 am for a 1:00 pm start. I'm very accustomed to traffic jams for huge sporting events, since I've had season tickets for U/M football games for 30 years. But this was frickin crazy! It took 1 1/2 hrs to go 25 miles. We were finally parked in an old cow pasture about 1/2 mile from the track, and thank God a shuttle van was whisking folks to the grandstand. When we finally got admitted in the gate, we made our way to the hospitality tent provided by Chevy. By then we were starving, and the smell of pancakes and sausage and eggs was wafting about everywhere. As we found our table, and a few other friends, we sat to eat. One of the people eating at our table, was a squirrelly looking little guy that everyone was ooing and aahhing over. Ocassionally some little kids and some hot chicks, would approach him to get an autograph. Mostly he was gracious, but often he was quite abrupt...maybe he was nervous? One of my pals said his name was Jimmy Johnson...BFD! After breakfast we had lots of time to kill, so me and the boy followed the rest of our table to what they call the pit area. There you could see the race cars up close and personal. And they were magnificent! Colorful, loud, sleek, and powerful. Interesting for even a non fan such as myself. As we were perusing the cars, my boss asked a favor of me. It seems that every year they have different vehicles that serve as Pace Cars. This year they had 28 Dura-Max diesel 3/4 ton ton pick-ups, that was all honorary Pace Cars. Now heres the deal, it seems that one by one a driver from 28 different dealerships was to pick up a Nascar driver in the pit area, and he would hop in the bed of the diesel and be driven around the track for a lap. Waving to the crowd, like Roman Legions headed into battle. I said I would do this only if my son could sit in the truck while I drove it around the track, they said OK.
As all of the designated dealer drivers were given their final instructions, we were given the keys and we found our truck. Slowly, in single file, we approached the pit area. We were # 25 in line and had no idea who our passenger would be. When we finally got to our desinated pick up point, low and behold, a guy in a frickin Dodge uniform hops in the back. His name was Elliot Sadler. So here I am at M I S , slowly driving around the track with this waving Dodge guy in the back. We were told not to exceed 20 mph. Now the crowd at a U/M football games is always about 110,000. The crowd at M I S is about 135,000! It was bedlam! Not only were these people super fanatical, but there is a camping contingent on what they call the 'infield', that harbors nothing but drunks. And drunk chicks showing their tits to my 15 year old. My smiling 15 year old I might add. While we were making our final approach toward the pit area, I hollored out the window to Sadler, and asked him to sign our Chevy hats since we got him safely around the track in one piece. He said sure, but he didn't have a pen. My son is always prepared for such crap, and he happened to have a Sharpie, so I passed the hats and pen to him and had him sign them. Just as we came to a stop in the pit, right next to my sons open window stood Kid Rock! One foot away! He grabbed the digital camera and snapped a few pics, and we were done driving. But as Elliot was being led away to his car to drive in the race, I then realized that the fucker stole my sons Sharpie pen. Well by then it was too late and he was long gone, Sharpie and all. Ya know karma came into play that afternoon, because on the 9th lap he blew a tire, and was out of the race for the day. Served him right!
We really didn't care to stay for the whole race that day, and booked a little early. We caught the shuttle back to the cow pasture and while we were trying to find our car, a very strange situation hit us . We were surounded by a sea of empty returnable bottles EVERYWHERE!!
You wouldn't believe it...thousands of emptys! I finally found the car, and my son spent the next 45 minutes jamming my Cavalier to the absolute busting point. So not only did we have an exciting father /son bonding day, but made over 60 bucks in emptys, AND saw lots of drunk chicks titties!.........Thats my NASCAR story.........Peace....Galen


Strumpet said...

Kid Rock is fucking hot.

And what the fuck is an 'empty'? A returnable empty bottle?? You mean all that chicken scratch on the side of bottles actually means something?? That somewhere in the world you can turn them in for change? I didn't think people still did that!

Wow!! Now that means it gets recycled, right? Good stuff.

I have never been into Nascar myself. But, now that I know that there are drunken hot chicks that flash their titties at such events...I'll have to start paying more attention to the sport.

Thanks for the heads up, Galen.

And thanks for the VERY entertaining story.


G-Man said...

A buddy of mine owns a very heavy metal bar called The Machine Shop. But occasionally he books off beat groups. One night he had a guy named David Allen Coe. Now Kid Rock is a fan of this guy, and came to see him play. He ended up on stage jammin all night and developed a friendship with Kevin, the owner. Kevin lives in Fenton on a lake and has a pontoon boat. Kid comes and visits him all the time, and they go fishing on his boat, drink beer, and party.
I've never met him though, but I guess he's cool.

I love it when your First!!

Manny said...

I love going to the track. Never been to a Nascar event.

Let's see, you had breakfast, drove a pace car, seen drunken titties, and snagged up all the empties you could. Sounds like possibly the best day for g and son.

Kidd Rock. I wanna be a cowboy baby.

btw, I ate my leftover cheap Mexican food last night before going to bed. I drempt there were 2 corvettes parked outside my bedroom window. In my dream I was mad because they tore up my back lawn. I dunno why I'm telling you this. I remember at first there was only one sitting there, but I didn't like the blue color. I looked again and the second one was there. It was a more pretty blue.

Jeez! it's just to ealy today. I'm starting to ramble.

SignGurl said...

Kid Rock?!?! I hear he's a great guy and he's hot too.

Your son is forever endebted to you for that day.

lime said...

LMAO that's hilarious. and believe it or not i've effectively amanged NOt to absorb much. i don't see the attarction in watching cars go in circles for hours on end.

my NASCAR story...weel, ok, not mine but my kid's is this.

the pocono raceway allows civic groups to work certainstands as a fundraiser for them. they get super cheap labor and the group makes a shitload of money....more than they'd ever get selling cookies or wraping paper or whatever else. so the group my daughter is a part of is contracted to rent the seatbacks to people and then after the race go into the stands and collect the seatbacks and put them all away.

my very shapely redheaded daughter has discovered she can hold her own with slobbering drunk racefans. she had stories of them passing out at her feet. one guy came to rent a chairback and asked if the chairback seller came with the cahir back. she told him she cost way more than he coudl afford not to mention she was jailbait and was time with her worth being someone's girlfriend in prison..hahaha... that's my girl *sniff* i'm so proud

G-Man said...

Sign. He kept all the bottle money too!

No cheap tricks in the house of Lime I see.
Funny how the word drunk and race car fans go so well together!

SignGurl said...

Lime, sounds like your daughter takes after you. Feisty!

G, your paragraphs are all running together in this post. Has Manny been messing around in here?

Manny said...

Good for her Lime. Men always think them cheap ass pick up lines work.

No starbucks yet g. I went back to bed and just woke back up. I hit Signs blog and she reminded me of the IRS. Im' scairt!

Strumpet said...

I LOVE David Allen Coe.

He's a dirty motherfucker with a wicked sense of humour. With songs like 'Fuckin' in the Butt,' 'Cum Stains on the Pillow,' 'Masturbation Blues,' 'Pussy Whipped Again,' and 'Devil Went To Jamaica,' You just can't go wrong. I got into him when I first started downloading music. I would search for hours looking for cool shit and just happened to come across him. He sings like a country boy should and he's awesome. These are just some of his funnier songs, but he sings a lot of country standards and writes a lot of real GREAT honky-tonk. Coe wrote 'Take This Job and Shove It.' Of COURSE, Mr. Rock is a fan.

I've always wanted to go see him play. He does gigs when he comes through town at this bar called Joe's. It seems as though I see him in the listings there at least a few times a year. I used to have a LOT of his shit on my old computer. But, I haven't listened to him in quite awhile.

I have no idea what the fuck a 'pontoon boat' is, though.

Lime, what's this about your very shapely red-headed daughter?

lime said...

sg, manny....she does a mother proud...even if she drives me straight up the wall when all that zing is directed at me....arg....strumpet,. she has the body i used to possess and dammit! i want it back!

G-Man said...

Carry on ladies.

I'll shut the fuck up...

Ameratis said...

First let me say: You people get up WAY to early on a saturday morning!!!

Second: great post GMan. You should come down here to Alabama and go Talladega which is about 40 miles from where I live. Then you could see some southern rednecks with drunk titties. Of course you could walk there faster than drive. We have to plan trips around carraces down here. I am NOT a NASCAR fan.

Third: thank you for the comment on my site. you are awesome! you also have a great way with words and I enjoy all your stories!Have a great Saturday!

G-Man said...

Imp, you ROCK the SOUTH!!

Manny said...

I like the periwinkle blue color your blog had taken on. Do you suppose they make Hummers this color?

G-Man said...

I dunno sweetie. I kinda doubt it. But if you wanted that color, I'm very sure that I could make you happy.
I thought you wuz dreamin Corvettes?"
But I'm here to make you completely satisfied!

Manny said...

Believe it or not, corvettes aren't my favorite.

I wonder what I'll dream of tonight.

I'm more an old muscle car girl. I wish I had my 67 camaro back. I also love the old GTO Judge. You know the type? The one's you go out to your garage at night just to love on.

G-Man said...

Yes Manny, I do indeed remember those cars. Although I can't imagine that you do. You are way too young for either of those..
You know they are bringing back the Camaro for 2008! It looks almost like the 68 Camaro, except for the fact that it will have a Corvette engine.

It's supposed to start at about 28,000...but we'll see.

barman said...

I hate it when blogger does that.

I am not a NASCAR fan although I have watched a bit is Indy (now know as CART I think). I have seen quit a few Indy 500 races. It is tough to get into that too but much worse getting out.

You are so lucky you left early. I have been to several M I S 500s and leaving the place is just insane. Getting in I did so so but out, no way. Luckily I parked right by the track and was able to walk in and back out later.

I have also seen CART when I used to work Downtown Detroit. I have to tell you I am not a huge fan, you know a fanatic but somehow when you hear those engines rev you just could not think of anything else. The last three days at work before the race I got almost no work done. I just wanted to rush to the window and watch the track or go out and be at the track. Great times I tell you.

I have seen a few drunken titties at the Indy 500 and would have seen more but I had my little brother with me and I thought it would be inappropriate. I am sure he would have loved it however. We were in bleachers in the infield which meant walking through all the mayhem.

What an experience you had and how great you could share it with your son.

Gentlemen start your engines (wait that is the Indy 500...)

MONA said...

that is a nice story Gman.I wud have collected those bottles and sold them to a recycle unit.
ps. If THAT is a bubble gun, how come you didnt blow any heart shaped bubbles on valentine's my way???

G-Man said...

Barman you crazy bastard, your little brother is 42!!!

Mona? How very remiss of the G-Man, I did not know that they celebrated Valentines day in India.. I was waiting for St. Vishnu day!!

gab said...

I dont know the names of most of the race car drivers but you can bet your a** Im there watching em! My racing career began when I was a teenager babysiting for a couple who like to drive stock cars in races. From then on I was hooked! But who the heck is Kid Rock?

Strumpet said...

He is the Bullgod, you understand.

The illegitimate son of man.

barman said...

g-man, 42 is the meaning of life but my brother is 31. Can we say oops.

G-Man said...

Gabby read the post directly under you for that explanation.

Thank You Strumpet, as always you are succinct, and to the point!


G-Man said...

Oh shoot! Strumpet was talking about Vishnu. Not Kid Rock!

Hey gabby, forget that shit. Kid Rock is a Detroit Rock in Roll Legend. Thats all you need to know for now, OK honey?

Strumpet said...

Or better yet...He's the latest man to be recently divorced from Pamela Anderson.

Manny said...

I am old enough to remember. I was only 4 or 5 when they came out, but I remember my first 67 chevy.

I also remember watching watergate on tv. I wasn't old enough to realize what exactly was going on, but I remember.

Oh, and I was also playing outside in 72 when there were 5 tornados spotted where I live. That's the year they tore up Xenia. This is where I get my love for storms.

You weren't around blogger when I posted my need to go storm chasing.

Manny said...

Where's breakfast?

Top cat said...

damn son, you have the greatest stories, meeting all these famous folks and shit!
You are DA Man!
I think NASCAR has become one of those things like the Superbowl, people who don't really care about it but go there for the event.
True racing fans tho are the best, they love it and are loyal fans.

The only race I ever got to see was after breakfast in the mess hall to see who could get to one of the stalls first.

Have a great Sunday bro.

barman said...

Now TC, if that were me I would have to win that race or else there would be a mess in the mess hall for sure. :) He's back!!!

SignGurl said...

What's happenin' hot stuff?

G-Man said...

Yeah Strumpet, I don't think that was one of his finer moments..
and to tell the truth, I think he could't bang her good enough.

Manny, I was in college during that tornado, and one of my classmates came to class the next day and said that his High School was completely destroyed..
That was freaky..
Storm chaser?...Since your past archives are history..Maybe we should take a walk down Manny Memory Lane with that one...HUH?

I thought you'd get a kick out of that one TC..
Sorry about your post..
Strumpet just HAD to mention the 'secret' word of the day, then all Hell broke loose...

Barman...Winner of the Charmin 500...

Mornin Signgurl..
Are you the Euchre Queen also?

Manny said...

I might could do that, just for you g.

Manny said...

You would probably flip out if you had been around for my:

"Manny After Dark" Stuff. I would post them at dark and wake up and delete them before the sun came out.

G-Man said...

Manny After Dark?

..Sounds like an HBO Midnight Special..

But it sounds AWESOME!

OK. What if I'm really really good for say, A whole week straight! Would you consider a reprisal?

Manny?..I got bacon!

Manny said...

But do you know how to cook the bacon.

I dunno,,,,,mebbe

I just commented back, about my old HNT's.

Manny said...

What's your e mail again?

G-Man said...

Manny ask Jenn..

Manny said...

You don't know?

G-Man said...

She's my social diector..

Manny said...

hey g, I just posted some back ground.

it's a good thing she like's me. LOL

SignGurl said...

*perk* Did someone need a social director?

gab said...

Ok hunny!

barman said...

I don't think you want to see the Manny After Dark. They were strange and I could not decide if it was Manny posting them or Crabby doing something to her sister. Then, they would dissapear. The bad thing is I think the blog dissapeared all together one of those times too. When that happens you just have no idea what happened.

Cute using bacon to get what you want. I need to remember that g. Course I do not know if I could cook it the right way, crispy but not burt, not rubbery and cook it by the pound.