Wednesday, February 7, 2007

Alan Fricken Greenspan...I Am

I'm sorry to report that there are no gastric, culinary, or urinary references in this post!

I'm thinking about starting a series regarding my local watering hole. Even though Border's is my favorite place to unwind, G-Man does not live by coffee alone. I frequent a "Cheers" like place called..Down The Hatch. As soon as I hit the door, I get a big smile and a hug from the very pretty bar keep named Ranay. Without saying a thing she goes back behind the bar and pours my usual beveridge..Diet Coke. As I belly up to the bar, the usual list of patrons all come by and shake my hand, and chit chat briefly, then move on. I seem to hold an unusual position in this place. Most everyone in there works for minimum wage, or not at all. There are several folks that do work for GM, or are retired from there, but for the most part it's VERRRRY blue collar. Everyone in there knows that I sell cars for a living. For some reason, people think that the car business is glamorous...Yeah right..But they also know that I'm a big U/M fan with season tickets, and an alumni and all.....So, because I went to college, have a steady job, and never get wasted into oblivian, they come and they talk, and talk, and talk. You know of course what I do.....I listen, and listen, and listen. I don't mind. Everybody's got a story to tell, and they need somebody to listen. I guess that honor is bestowed upon me.
One night when there was no sports on the TV, CNN and Fox news was playing on all the screens. Suddenly an unusually loud and heated argument erupts from behind me, I tried not to listen, since I was focused upon the lovely Ranays perfect bosom, as she was bending over washing glasses. But eventually the argument slowly gravitated in my direction, and I was called into action...

Hey Galen, you went to college right?
Yes, why?
OK, if the country is in so much trouble, why don't they just print more money?
Now I was in a bit of a dilemma, I usually don't speak over anyone's head in this place, I think thats why I'm considered a regular, so without trying to sound too scholerly, did my best to break it down...
All right, say 5 of you are playing poker with chips, and I am the bank. All chips are worth 1.00 a piece. Then say after an hour, 2 of you run out of chips. You have no more money, but you want to keep playing, you then come to me and want 100 more chips. So I give you each, 100 chips.
NOW, say after a while everyone wants to cash out. Do I have enough money to pay everyone?
After about 5 seconds of stunned silence, one of the arguers turned to the arguee and said one word...college!
They all turned and went back to drinking and laughing again. Since then, I have been called upon many times to give my "college" opinion on things. I would like to say that since that time I would have a distinctive moniker, one of respect and honor. A name like..Mr. Knowitall, or The Proffessor, and alas, I do have a term of endearment that I am referred to...The Car Guy!!


.....I chuckle to myself, " I guess it's better than the Asshole".......Peace Ga....er The Car Guy.

41 comments:

barefoot_mistress said...

I am so glad you were there to straighten things out. I have never been a regular at a bar, but if they had pot bars, I would have been.
Oh yeah, now they do! Too late for me though...

I love diet coke
I love a shot of Bushmills with a diet coke back! YUM!

G-Man said...

Thank God I didn't scare you off Mistress. I really enjoy you playing along. You are a whole lot of fun, and I enjoy your informative and colorful blog as well.
If they had pot bars, I would unfortunately be gainfully unemployed. And I also enjoy Old Bushmills. It's a very smooth Irish treat...

lime said...

as i was reading this i just wantted to shout.......'NORM!' even though it seems you are a more accurate version of cliff and lacking the pomposity of frasier.

a listening ear is a valuable commodity and the ability to communicate at the level of your audience is a tremendous skill.

i think you should make car guy stories a regular feature here.

G-Man said...

Limey, you don't know how many times I've walked in and about 10 guys all in unison say...
GALEN! That is also exactly what goes thru my mind.
Yeah, the stories. I probably will do that, only for the simple reason that it would make our daily dramas seem laughable....
Mornin to you Michelle Aussi Trini Limey.....G

SignGurl said...

Where's the Diet Pepsi?

Top cat said...

What a great story galen. I can see the look on the guy's face when he said college.
Thanks for sharing an inside look into the world of the g-man.
Actually we do print up more money than we have since going off the gold standard, gov't gotta love their thinking.

Strumpet said...

Yeah...but do you have a Woody?

Meg said...

Nice story. We've got places like that around here and its the same..."where everyone knows your name...."

And, there are times where I have settled disputes too...ok, I wasn't really asked to and I may not have even known as much about the topic as the participants, BUT I did have enough to drink to think I did!!! LOL

A car salesman? Geesh, and I thought we could get along :)

J/K !!!

Meg

G-Man said...

Jenn, NO PEPSI.......COKE!!
NO FRIES............CHIPS!!

TC, you need to get your sorry ass over to Flint and let me buy you a Bud Light for 1.25...anytime!

Strumpet, I certainly have one NOW!

Meg, Have I got a deal for YOU!

Jodes said...

great story and I bet it feels good to get that welcome every time. I got one thing to say....HNT.

Strumpet said...

The green...it does something to me...

Jodes said...

whoa the green background was a bit startling since it was not there earlier.....however, I like it.

SignGurl said...

Is the green too much? We can make it pink or purple.

G-Man said...

Mornin Jodi, now I can start my day off with a smile...

Strumpie, My sites not green, you must be sicker than you thought..
get well soon baby.......Galen

Strumpet said...

I take it Galen doesn't like the green.

I thought it meant that you were horny.

G-Man said...

OH NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
That reminds me...Green on Thursday?
In my day, that indicated "something else".. Not that theres anything wrong with that!
But I don't roll that way ...yet!

Ameratis said...

OMG! Someone puked on your blog!

LOL just kidding :)

I like the green :)

G-Man said...

IMP!! Don't you dare ever scare me like that again. I don't like pukers( except Jenn )!
But you Bama girls can hold your booze........G

Top cat said...

WTF is with the green?
all these women are saying they like it just to be nicey nice.
Do you think this color makes me look fat?
tc

Jodes said...

tc - you funny kitty....I do like the green. but the shade could be a little lighter - softer.....it is a bit on the pukey side, but i like green so you know. plus puke is not usually green.

G-Man said...

QUIT TALKIN BOUT PUKE!!!

G-Man said...

NO TC, Your fat ass makes you look fat!

Meg said...

Did this seriously do from "Norm" to puke in that short amount of time?

Wow - yep, you do have the most awesome place around G-Man!!

:)

Meg said...

Ok...that was suppose to be "go"


duh,

can anyone say HAPPY HOUR anytime soon.......

:)

Ameratis said...

Ohh wait I was wrong...they didn't *G-man censor* they sneezed on your blog! Ooooh looks like a bad sinus infection...LOL

buddha_girl said...

I adore the fact that you are an everyday guy. I hate people who have college degrees and flaunt their 'status' (as if!) in the face of others.

A degree doesn't make you a better person...it just helps out.

I also love that people gravitate toward you...they obviously know you're well-informed and knowledgable...they also realize that you're 'real people.'

That's what we called 'em when I was growing up in NY. If you're not real people, you're nothing!

I'd drink a diet coke with you any day, mister!

G-Man said...

Meg I really like having you around, you've not been mean to me yet....except that you did say puke on purpose!
And yesterdays pee tale is worth rereading again and again and again.....Thanks ...Galen

Imp, phlemg is better than puke anyday....Shiksa.


Buddha Girl, you are a splendid person, and a very loving mother. Thanks for putting up with my shit!
I'd drink anything anyday with you.

SignGurl said...

You are welcome, car guy!

Top cat said...

does that mean you won't call me in the morning?

yeah signgurl go a little lighter, I feel like I'm sitting in a bowl of split pea soup.

SignGurl said...

I'm done now. You have an email waiting for you at work.

xoxoxo

Manny said...

Ok, I don't have a college degree. Thing's I know...or at least think I know...

This countrie's only debt is to the Federal Reserve. Our Federal Reserve.

The President will turn to abernathy and say, "Hey pal, we need a loan, how about printing us some cash?"

Abernathy (Used to be Greenspan) answer's of course Mr. President. We will float you the loan, print the cash, but we will not print the interest on the loan. Which mean's, no matter how hard you try, you will never have enough cash to repay us, The Federal Reserve. Ahhhhhh ah ah ah ah

So this is why, everytime Abernathy (used to be Greenspan) speaks, everyone listen's.

So there you have it...Manny's take on this countries debt.

btw, I posted new, but my sentences are all running together again. BIG HEAVY SIGH!

Manny said...

Diet soda sucks! I'm a real Pepsi girl.

SignGurl said...

Manny, you are brilliant!

Manny said...

LMAO, Brilliant? I was going for sexy.

SignGurl said...

Ok, sexy works too. But brilliant and sexy? Too much to handle.

Top cat said...

Yo morning bro..

G-Man said...

Oh My!!
Da Da Da Da Da!
"When your a jet...........

Top cat said...

WHAT UP DOG? where are all the boo's?

Top cat said...

btw, try 8mile mutha, no jet bull.

G-Man said...

OK Sybil, Wheres El Gato??

SignGurl said...

Boo, here!