Monday, April 2, 2007

Naughty Boy.....

Hey wanna have some fun? The next time you get bored, try a few of these tricks, courtesy of the G-Man...
Pay a visit to the local dog pound wearing a chefs hat and an apron. Then ask to see a kitten or a puppy thats available for adoption. Pick it up, act like you are mentally weighing it, then set it down and ask for one thats a little" more plump".
Tired of looking for that one sock that you have in your laundry? If you ever have the occasion to go to a Laundra-Mat, Maybe while camping or on vacation, or if you live in an apartment. Do this...Stick a leftover sock in someone elses wash load.....Then watch while they frantically look for the spare.
Do you live with a couch potato? Carefully remove the cover of the TV Guide, or weekly schedule, then glue or staple it to last weeks guide, so that the listing are wrong. Ha! It will drive them frickin nuts....
You know those magazines in the visitors lounge or the break room? Bring in an off the wall Mag like High-Times, Guns'n'Ammo, or Easy Rider..Take the mailing label from one of the many Rags that some 'Co-Worker' has brought in , then glue it to the cover of yours. Then replace it in the lunch room where it will surely be seen.....
The next time you go to the dentist, as soon as they seat you in the chair, scream as loud as you can....
Now this last trick is hard to pull off anymore...Because many cars have aluminum wheels..
But if you know someone that still has hubcaps, this is an awesome joke! Always carry around with you a couple of marbles in your pocket. When no one is looking, pop off a cover and put a couple of marbles in the cap and pop it back on. When they are just starting up, centrifigul force will keep the marbles in place and they'll stay put. But when you apply the brakes, they will make a terrible racket...

I think thats enough Hi-Jinx for tonight, or maybe you have one of your own, eh?
If you do , please share it with us, or maybe you are just not as devious as I am.. ..Peace!

47 comments:

barefoot_mistress said...

You are naughty, thanks for saving MY place!

I just wanna say I am so choading (im dying here!) serious most of the time that I have no little tricks like that up my sleeve.

Strumpet said...

I'm choading second.

I like to write the words 'kick me' with fanciful penmanship on a Post-it and give a friend a pat on the back for a job well done.

When they get kicked, they will not know why and wonder what they did to deserve such treatment.

When they are kicked a second time, they will debate in their head whether it is mere coincidence that such an odd thing would happen twice within such a short timeframe.

When they get kicked a third time they will realize that something is amiss.

When they eventually figure-out that there is an instruction-laden Post-it upon their backside they will be forced to retrace their steps.

They will try to recall what instance would have been an opportunity for the culprit to do this dirty deed.

When it occurs to them that it must have been you when you gave him/her that pat on the back, they will smile with love at your playful side.

And then they will plot revenge.

So watch out.

G-Man said...

Quid pro Quo Susie..
Quid Choading pro Quo!!

Mistress? You are one funny lady...
You are really serious?

You deserve this spot baby......G

You better hope some Crazy Hindu Chick doesn't put a Choad Me post-it on your back-side
Strumpet!

And I'm NOT talking about the beautiful and knowledgeable Mona either!

cathy said...

I myself favour following my sister round the supermarket picking up brand products and singing their advertising jingles as loud as I can. I can't tell you how happy she was when I moved to Greece.

Strumpet said...

Bring it.

For Strumpet needs a good choad.

Top cat said...

g-man..I have a feeling someone spent a lot of time in the principal's office and was also quite familiar to the local authorities.lol
tc

G-Man said...

Cathy!!
That would indeed be greatly annoying. I embarrass my family all the time..Especially when I wear shorts..

Strumpet, Don't we all??

G-Man said...

Uh You mean Mr. Hurley's office? Room 8 ?
Geez, all I did was put a lit M-80 in the toilet and flush it!!
How was I to know that the fuse really was an underwater fuse?
What a Mess!!!
My Ass is still sore!

Mornin Son, It's getting chilly and cool...

lime said...

well i think the favorite trick i ever played on anyone was this....

i was at my cousin's house for a party and one of our friends there passed out drunk on the floor. he was a big guy, easily 6'3."

i decided to sew him to the carpet. it was quite hilarious watching him try to get up when he woke.

lime said...

oh and grocery stores? i dance down the aisles and sing along to the music if it is at all danceable and singable. i feel this evens me up with the kids for all the public temper tantrums.

though i had a freind who handled them adeptly....

her boy laid down in the aisle kicking and screaming and she called, 'hey , everybody! come watch! caleb's having a tantrum. it's a really good one. you're going to miss it, come see!'

and btw, what is this 'choading?'

G-Man said...

OMG, Michelle...Only you could incorporate something craftsy, into a practical joke!
hahahahahaha
Thats a great one!
Thaks for the cotribution!...G xoxox

G-Man said...

Mona went on the lovely Strumpet's site, and shared some Hindi words with all of us...One of the words, was the Hindi word for FUCK..In her language, that word was Choad, or chode, or however the choad she spelled it...
Thats why Susie is laughing her ass off...

barman said...

I worked with someone once who would take rubber cement and glue things on a persons desk to the desk when they went away for a day or more. Not really destructive but yet you knew something had happened.

The things I pull are behind the scenes. The interesting thing is people think I am innocent so they would never think it was me. Go right on thinking that. hahahaha

Ah, now things make a little more sense. There was this short lived show called Tripping the Rift on Scifi. The Captains name was Chode. I knew people made a comment about it but they never really said what it was about. Now I know.

MONA said...

G man..:D
you naughty boy!!!!
It was CHOD...& yes it means what you think it means...
You know, in Agra where I live, they use the behen chod & maather chod as suffix & prefix with each sentence...ie most of them.

Sometimes it really soundsfunny when they call a switchboard that! :D

Well here is the worse thing I did.
when I was doing my post graduation, some boys took to picking at our batchmate girls. They would write a graffiti near the Department notice board.

It went like:
'N I love you
S is a whore'

The nexr day the 'love' would become the whore somke other girl became the 'love'
& thus it went on for quite a while.

We discussed it with the authorities but they said that till they caught the culprit who was doing this, they were helpless.

Finally my turn came to become 'love'

I told my sister Z...Whatever happens, I will not be labled as a whore.So finally we came with this idea

I took a can of red oil paint & went into the faculty in the non working hours & when there was no one to see & with the paint I wrote a couplet which went like this:

Choot choot sab karein, chod sake na koye/ jab chodan ki baari aaye land khadaa na hoye.

Meaning: You whore writers, you do not even know how to fuck, for when it is the time to do so, you will forever lose your erection.

After that, all we saw was that the cement had been scraped off the wall.
The fool who did that dis not even realise that in his attempt to rub it off he was actually EWNGRAVING the writing on the wall!!

Poetic Justice!...& I did escape becoming the whore.

No one ever wrote on the wall after that.

G-Man said...

Barman,I bet you have a very prankish side.
How was Tim Horton's?

Mona, thats a catchy little tune. I sure hope Strumpet sees it. she'd love it..As do I!!

Love the avatar BTW...
And you are sooo smart, I love being taught by you..Thanks ...I gotta go to work now. See everybody after 8....Galen

Ameratis said...

ohh my goodness how naughty....how Gman! ha ha! Morning! End of quarter and end of month so Excel is trying to swallow me whole!

Strumpet said...

Oh My God, Barman!

Tripping the Rift was a COOLASS show.

Unfortunately, I no longer had cable shortly after it came out, but I did watch a few of the first episodes and laughed my ass off.

I don't remember all the characters names, but the ship slut was choding great.


And, Mona...I SO knew it was 'chod' but Galen kept spelling it 'choad' and I began to doubt myself.

=P

I've even started saying it in 'real life.' Seriously, I said 'choding' instead of 'fucking' just this morning! Granted, I was talking to myself...but it still counts.

And by the way, Chandra really digs on this whole, 'Choot choot sab karein, chod sake na koye/ jab chodan ki baari aaye land khadaa na hoye,' Thing.

Galen's right, it's catchy!!

And the 'jab chodan' part is interesting...

But, it sort of loses something in the translation, doesn't it?

I think I like the bit about...

N I love you
S is a whore

better.

Don't worry, Mona...I'LL be the whore. It sort of rolls of the tongue nicely...here, try it...

'Mona, I Love you
and Strumpet is a Whore.'

It's the new song from Foxy Cargo.

CD just dropped on April 1st.

Pick it up while it's hot.


Have a fun day, Galen.

See ya...

javajazz said...

Strumpie's not a whore...
we love Strumpie!
xoxo

jillie said...

OMG...g-man you crack me up. Love the idea on the magazines though.

I had to cover for another nurse once and took all of her pictures that were on her cork board (about 100 of them) and rotated them all in different directions and put little stickers with saying on them. It took her about a week to figure out what was wrong with them. I've also rearranged other peoples desks while they were gone. Rolled take so sticky side is out on their ear piece of their phone. Glued pens and pencils together so when they would grab for one a bunch would come out. I think that's all for now...lol.

Good thing you don't work with me huh? Or maybe it's the other way around...or just think of all the fun we could have at OTHER peoples expense...teeeheeeheehee!

jillie said...

Oh Michelle that is too funny! I'll have to pass that one along to my brother. His boys love to throw tantrums...lol!

I too love to dance in the isles. Robert HATES it and tells me to knock it off. I keep it up until he gets REALLY mad and then I make fun of him.

MONA said...

actually strumpet & galen, I spelled that Lund wrong.It is lUnd not lAnd, which is the name of male sexual organ.
Lund Khara together means 'erection'

Interestingly, the male Organ is also called Lulu.

There is one Dan who has a cat name Lulu.So we joke about it with double entrendes all the time & the poor bloggers are unaware of what the hell we are talking about.
The other day Dan was telling me that he couldnt type properly because Lulu was sitting on his lap.

I told him " but Lulu is ALWAYS on your lap while you type".

Strumpet said...

What's wrong with whores, Jazzy?

I love whores!


Mona, the name Lulu rocks and now I know why.

Thank you.

MONA said...

o hell! let me translate that properly for you strumpet & also mistress & the rest who are interested:
'Choot' is translated as 'vagina', [essentially of a whore] [the word Chod comes from it]
'Sab Karein' means ' all of you are ranting about it'
'Chod sake na koye' chod as you know is fuck, 'sake na'= unable to; Koye = anyone of you.
Jab= when, chodan= fucking [ verb, action] ki baari aaye= [when your turn comes [ for choding], lund = penis, khada = stand, na hoye=fails to.

So there, you can sing it with full throated ease now, with FEELINGS if you want, now that you know the real meaning in essence & all.

Hey G man...BOOOO HOOOO...what's happening to me here...I sound like as if I am teaching Kamasutra to foreingn students from scratch..& that too with the wrong lesson about erectile dysfunction!!!

I am BAD!

Strumpet said...

lmao@when your turn comes for choding

Mona, please feel free to bandy about Kama Sutra lessons at any time you deem necessary. And yes, do it with FEELING if you will. It's the best way.

Mona choding rocks!

javajazz said...

i didnt say there was anything "wrong" with whores, Strumply,
i just said you're not a whore.
now i'll bet people have different
definitions of what "whore" means...
if someone adores having sex and has a tremendous, creative and hearty appetite for it, to me, this does not make them a whore...

Cazzie!!! said...

Left over socks, don't tell me about that...sheesh, there's a black hole for socks and pens, I am SURE of that!!!

G-Man said...

( Sitting in a crowded classroom, in the very front row, Raising my hand excitedly.)

Ooooooh Dr. Mona? Pick me! Pick me!.....
( Man is she ever Hot!
I think I'm getting a Lund Khara.)
OK..Chod sake na koye'?
Did I say that right Miss Mona?

Hey Strumpet! I never claimed to be a good speller..
From now on follow your 1st notion..
I can't read either!!

gab said...

I can't think of any tricks right now usually someone else gives me the idea then I act on it!

G-Man said...

No No No...Mona you are not bad! You are teaching us uninformed Westerners a very beautiful language. And we are learning it from scratch. Thank You for being so patient..

JJ, I happen to agree with the both of you!
1.) There is nothing wrong with whores at all!
As long as they practice safe sex!
2.) Strumpet is NOT a whore! She is Strumpet!
She chodes when and where she wants. With whoever she wants... She just happens to be very picky..

Cazzie, I just counted all my single socks..
I have 28 of them..WTF?
Nice to see you, I'll visit a little later...G

Gabby, your too sweet for practical jokes!
I don't want to be a bad influence on you!...xoxox

G-Man said...

Miss Melodie, I'm glad you dropped in for the language lesson.
Never a dull moment here at the "G-Spot"...

Lisa!!! Hows That?
Actually, I really like it!!..Thanks xoxoxox

jillie said...

DUDE!!!!

xo

G-Man said...

Ratchett!!

javajazz said...

hey, you called it the G-spot before i did, the other day! i just think it totally suits the name for your bloggie...you wouldnt attract anymore weirdos than you already have...
do YOU look up weird names for blogs to connect to people? no, you link someone elses link to check out who they check out, or i sometimes press next blog just to take a look at who's doing who out there...its interesting, the world.

jillie said...

D'OH!!!!

javajazz said...

yes whore has a gnarly connotation dont it? (i dont even know what gnarly means...) but ya, i'll have to agree with G-spot, Strumpet is NOT a whore. even i'm not! sure, i have the odd gentleman caller here, ahem, but you know, i am very ladylike at times (cough sputter) annnnnnnd, whatever...

javajazz said...

Jillie! are you okay??
did you put too much lavender
in your bath?

G-Man said...

She hit her G-Spot!!

G-Man said...

JJ, you certainly are not a whore..
Now I've been called a blog whore...
And a Mensch
And a Goy
And a Putz
And a Yutz
And a Schmuck

But Never a Schmeckle!
Or a Schmendrick
Or a Schlemiel
Or a Schlemozal

Hows that Bubkes?

javajazz said...

you have a few spelling issues here, Mr. I'm A Yiddish Boy...but thats okay...
and no, i am most decidedly not a whore...not even a coffee whore...

theres a couple of words that sound really crass to me, just kind of irreverent to women, and believe me, i have a toidy mouth thats pretty bad, but a few words just put my spine out a bit...whore is one of them, and believe it or not, i dont like when men call women bitch...unless of course, they are! its hardly a term of affection or endearment...! (i guess that was pretty obvious!)
and like Lime, ididnt know what chode was, but after today, and Mona's extensive IndiaSex101 course, i think we have our terms defined clearly now...
when i used to work for a portrait photographer years ago, the other guy who worked in the office with me did the photo retouching, and he was from India...well, Sergit gave me the lowdown on the sexual terms...when Mona said Lulu, i remembered Serge said something like Loolee? maybe that was the female version....and poodee? (i'm spelling it phonetically-ish). anyway its always nice to be educated...i think my sister taught me some funny word for penis in Japanese, but i forget it, and when i worked as a waitress when i was 22, this neat Italian girl taught me how to say some disgusting phrase in Italian that to this day, i will never forget...not sure its nice to share it...i even remember the english translation, tho translated sayings always sound so hysterically funny to me...

G-Man said...

JJ, maybe that waitress was a Putana?

javajazz said...

what the hell's a Putana?
wait, let me look that up
in my dic.

tsduff said...

I'm astounded that you know about birdstuff: not many do you know! FYI, their butt is called a "cloaca"

Strumpet said...

You are right, Jazzy.
I am not whore.
I just like to pretend.


Galen,

I'm a picky whore.

It's the best kind of whore there is.


Whores like to chod schmeckles. Especially, whores named 'Lulu.' And English birds like to chod up their cloacas just like American Strumpets.

MONA said...

gosh! I am Dying!!!! why in the name of choding did I start this chodofication conversation, beats me!

Ok test time students. I used two Hinglish words in my last sentence. Identify them.

Galen, you raised your hand first, will you tell me?

MONA said...

& now for some serious stuff.
Whoring is in essense a word that has something to do with money.
So If a wife does it for exchange of money & good clothes & good living etc., & there is no love in marriage, she is actually whoring herself.
On the other hand, if a prostitute does whoring for love, she is no whore at that time.

cathy said...

Putana is the Greek word for a prostitute, well one of them anyway

G-Man said...

Whats with you people and past posts? Damn! Always trying to trick
Mr. Knowitall..

Mona? I believe the words are ..
choding...and chodofication..
Am I right?..Do I get to stay after school with you?

Terry...Hi sweetie!! You are quite erudite in the bird bum field?
A very smart girl indeed!

Strumpet! You are the one that does this past post shit the best you know..
Tales of Strumpet Choding could be a regular feature on the G-Spot!!
Ghost written by you of course..xo

Cathy, I think Putana means the same in about 10 languages..
I'm now adding Greek to the list!!