Thursday, March 8, 2007

Friday Funnies.....

Why do women fake orgasms?......Because they think we care!

What do tight pants and a cheap hotel have in comman?.....No ball room!

Two guys sitting in a bar, the first one says,"Marriage is like a barrel thats 1/2 filled with honey, and 1/2 filled with shit"! The second guy says, "I must have opened mine upside down"!

Why did God give women a belly-button?...So theres a place to stash your gum on the way down!

How can you tell if your a dyslexic schizophrenic?...You always think you are following somebody!

A blond went to see a Doctor and complained, " I keep seeing spots before my eyes", the Doctor asked her, ' have you seen an Ophtalmologist?' She said, "No.....Just spots"!

A recent study reports that 70% of gay men were born that way....The other 30% were sucked into it!!

Whats better than HONOR?..........IN'er!!

A guy walks into a bar, his face was all bruised and bleeding! The bartender says" What happened to you, buddy?" The guy says,' I got into a fight with my girlfriend because I called her a cheap whore'! The bartender says, "yeah, what did she do?' The guy says, " she hit me with her bag of nickels!"

Why didn't Dick Cheney get into more trouble for shooting someone in the face? Clinton got impeached for doing the same thing!!

Why is a thong like a barbed wire fence?....It protects the property, without obstructing the view!!

A G-Man Joke...A guy walks into our dealership and spots a Z-O6 Corvette, as he bends over to touch the leather seat, he rips a huge fart! Embarassed, he looks around to see if anybody heard the slip....Just then I walk up and say " Welcome to Vic Canever Chevrolet, can I help you?"
He then asks, ' whats the price of this Vette?' I then said, " Ya know, I'd rather not say". He then asked me ' why not'? So I said...." Look, if you farted just by touching the car, you'll shit when you hear the price"!!!

Three mice sitting in a tough neighborhood bar...Trying to out impress each other the first mouse downs a shot of whiskey and says," I set off mouse-traps with my foot, catch the bar on the way down, then I eat the cheese!"... The second mouse downs two shots of whiskey, and says," I gather all the rat poisen I can, grind it all up, and snort it like coke!"....The third mouse downs three shots of whiskey and says, " I ain't got time for this shit, I gotta go home and fuck the cat!!"

You may either smile and keep surfing, or stop and share one with the G-Man.......Peace!!!

44 comments:

jillie said...

You know something?

I'M FIRST!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA...

TC...you betta run and hide with that tail between your legs...someones out to get you!

HAHAHA...

I can't tell jokes. I'm not very good at them.

xo

G-Man said...

Jillie, congratulations!

javajazz said...

i'm not much of a joke girl mr Galen, but i must say i was quite relieved
to see all those jokes on the page, only because initially i thought the entire post was about women faking orgasms...

wmy said...

Well, fuck!! not first, but there will be another day...oh yes there will! (insert evil laugh)
ok...
A man call his work to tell them he is not coming to work that day...
man- "Hi boss, I cannot come to work today, I am sick"
boss- "Well, you don't sound sick"
man- "Then why am I fucking my sister?"

Autumn Storm said...

Bless you for the giggles. :-D

Happy Friday!

G-Man said...

JJ, women don't really do that.... do they?

Wendy..thats a sick joke!

Autumn sweetie, If I can bring you any pleasure, I'm happy!!!

Top cat said...

I like number 4.:)
I'm not a joke teller either. I always forget the punchline and then people just stand there looking at me.
jillie..I like sex even with mice.

SignGurl said...

My entire life is a joke this week. I just hope it gets funny!

Have a great day guys. I'll miss you!

lime said...

ok, the week has passed by ina haze of germs and snot....but i recently saw this one somewhere and you'll have to forgive me if it was here the last time you asked for jokes....


a man walked into a psychiatrist's office wearing only saran wrap underwear. the doctor said, 'well i can clearly see your nuts'

(my 11 yr old son LOVED that joke)

Jodes said...

i think I like the G-man joke the best.

MONA said...

Ha ha! Nice evening [ morning for you guys]with all that stuff to stuff..oops!
Hey I know one too.
Why do wives close their eyes while having sex...because they cannot bear to see their husbands having fun!

Height of sophistication: a baby drinking its mother's milk with a straw!
Height of honesty: a pregnant woman climbing on a bus & paying for two.
Height of pain: a man sliding down the razor's edge using his balls for brakes!
Height of Shakespear: five feet two inches.
Height of Mona: five feet nine inches...
Ps. If you want to see that Lunar Eclipse, go to the end of my September archives

Ameratis said...

Those were funny, perfect way to start a Friday. :)

I like the GMan joke

barman said...

I like the g-man joke too. Never heard a car salesman joke before.

Crabby said...

G, you are front and center at the cowpie field. I pimped you out so you can take a rest. LOL!

SignGurl said...

Wake up!!!!!!!

jillie said...

HAHAHAHAHAHA to Lime! She gets the gold star for the day...

Hmmmmm....quiet day here today. Maybe because it's SO nice outside and we're all out playing!

G-Man said...

Limey, That was great!
I'll definately remember that one...

Hi Jenn..
Hi Imp...
Hi Jodi...
I was very busy today, and it looks like stuff is picking up a bit, so I'll probably disappear during work for a while.
But as always...
MY HOUSE is...
EVERYBODYS HOUSE!!!

OMG....

Ladies and gentleman, right here on stage for the first time for her special G-Man engagement,
The Mulligatawny Room proudly presents....

MONA!!!!! Lets give it up for her!!!!!

G-Man said...

Jillie Bean, It's all starting to melt sweetie!
Spring is in the air!!

MilkMaid said...

A recent study reports that 70% of gay men were born that way....The other 30% were sucked into it!!3

AH HA HA HA...ha. ha. heh.

LOL, you are a GOOBER. :)

Manny said...

Just what the doctor ordered. Thanks babe.

jillie said...

Hey I'll send some nice weather your way ok???

BIKING WEATHER!!!

gab said...

I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids
in tow and asked loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?" I turned around and walked back out and never went back. My husband didn't say a word... He knew better.
(ok I didnt do this but it sounds like what I would say)

Strumpet said...

Hi, Galen.
Bless you.
=P

G-Man said...

Milky!! Now I really feel like it's my birthday. The Crimson Rose of Texas!! Thanks for stopping by....G

Gabby, that was such a sweet post at your place.
I loved it...Thanks xx G

Jildo...Margaux?

STRUMPET!!!..I'm too low tech for those cutesy text signals...can you teach me some?
You know a lot of shit.
Shit Knower......G

Strumpet said...

LMMFAO@Shit Knower!!!

Can that pleeeaaasssse...

pretty pleeaassse.....

be my new nickname???

I STILL can't stop laughing.

Ha!

'Shit Knower!'

I am also high, so that could be a big part of the reason that this is so funny to me.

I think it's really funny.

xoxo

I don't know that much shit. I suck at computers. (I suck at grammar too.)

I just like Him cos his tongue is sticking out.

I think you should post an HNT of your tongue, Galen.

javajazz said...

no, it really is funny.
Shit Knower...
probably the capital letters
help.

(are you talking about
Calzone's TONGUE?)

Top cat said...

wake up g-man! there's nothing like the smell of new cars being driven off the lot.
tc

G-Man said...

Jeezus....
Do you guys ever fucking sleep?

You can see my tongue..
When I can see your toes!

No Toe Show-er!!

Lisa?......careful.

Top cat said...

uhhh I was in bed sleeping while you were playing on the internet this morning.
tc

SignGurl said...

Are you riding your bike?

G-Man said...

Morning TC,
Mornin Signgurl,

No not riding yet, I always wait until there has been at least 3 rains! I like all the winter salt to be washed off the highway first.
But I did pull it out and I fired it up!
Yoweeeee.......
First time...Every time!!

SignGurl said...

You pulled it out and fired it up? First time, every time? Lucky you!

javajazz said...

not going near that one...

G-Man said...

Hey!! Thats the same thing my wife says....

tkkerouac said...

Don't you care if you can't give your woman an orgasam?

javajazz said...

(not going near THAT one either!)

G-man!

Cazzie!!! said...

I am so pissin'meself laughin'here, hehehe. They are way better than the lame assed jokes I blogged a few entries ago, they were no punn intended jokes..very lame :)
Hey, who said we fake orgasms. Not me :)

G-Man said...

Tracy? Of course I care!
It's a joke........
Why go to the show, if you don't eat any popcorn?

JJ......you know better.

Welcome to the Jungle Cazzie...Stick around!

Cazzie!!! said...

Will do mate :)

G-Man said...

Hey are you a Sheila?

Manny said...

I refuse to fake. If you can't take me there, I just won't go. Awww, but if you do...watch out!

G-Man said...

Manny? No sex talk on my blog please....
It's against my nature!

Strumpet said...

Ms. Java,

I was talking about the tongue in this smiley face.

=P

But, hey...I'll talk about Zone's tongue anytime. I'll have to put a towel down, though.

javajazz said...

ha! G thought you were talking about his tongue, i thought you were talking about big bad dragon's furry tongue, and you were talking about your smiley! very amusing!
well, no need to put a towel down
(down where?) you could just...sit.
Strumpie? hope things are going smoothly for your trip! we're all thinking about you and hope you're having nothing but FUN!! xoxo lisa