Saturday, March 10, 2007

Help a Brother Out..........

Everyone having a good week-end? Good!! As you all know, the G-Man is an abundance of age and knowledge...Hence my alter ego, Mr. Knowitall! I certainly can't know everything, but what I don't know, really doesn't matter.......But, being the open minded person that I am, I'm willing to ask for help on some unanswered issues.
In this post I'm going to share some little known facts that I do know, but I'll also ask for a little help on a few troubling questions.

These are some little known facts on the Amish......Favorite Amish Summer Pastimes:

1.) Drinking molasses till you puke.

2.) Blowing past the Dairy Queen in a really bitchin' Clydesdale.

3.) Sleeping in till 6 am.

4.)Driving to Reading and kicking some Mennonite ass.

5.) Buttermilk Keggers!

Ok, I'm sure that these things are true! But I'm not quite so sure on these items....

1.) Does virgin wool come from ugly sheep?

2.) Is Pokemon really a Jamaican Proctologist?

3.) If a person checked out a book at the library on suicide...Would you get the book back?

4.) Is a Midget with 40 # testicles really 1/2 nuts?

5.) Is the reason a Rooster has no hands...Because Hens have no tits?

There...I said it. There ARE some things that even I can't be certain of........

And since no one hardly ever posts anything on a warm March week-end, that wasn't too bad was it? A little food for thought as it will...........Thanks for visiting. Peace.......Galen

Oh yeah.......and to all you Virgins out there, Thanks for Nothing!!


barman said...

You are to funny.

I say yes to number 5. I am kinda wondering about number 1 also.

Hope your weekend is going well.

G-Man said...

Bryan, what in the HELL are you doing up this late? I'm doing great, I hope you are as well.
Thanks for stopping by brother, and helping me out!...G

Strumpet said...

I have this strange desire to corrupt an Amish dude after reading that.

Where can I find an Amish guy open to corruption?

Is it a sin to corrupt the Amish?

Wasn't there a movie about that?

G-Man said...

No Chandra, if you did the corrupting, it would be an honor. Then I'm certain that he too, would love....

..just not as much as me!

Top cat said...

good 1 hour early morning g-man.
These are all very interesting facts and questions and ones I have no clue as to how to answer.
I will have to wait and see what your peeps have to say.

strumpet..can I be an amish for a day?

Manny said...

Good morning g. I dunno.

I've heard that a pigs orgasm last's 30 minutes and his is shaped like a corkscrew. Do you know if this is true...and if it is...why the pig?

david santos said...

Hello, G-Man!
This post is vry good, thank you
have nice wkend

G-Man said...

Mornin TC, Yeah it's kind of embarassing to expose myself like that but these are modern times.
AND, since Strumpets comment, everyone wants to sell eggs by the road and raise a barn!

Manny, those are facts that oddly enough I know to be true...
The Pig actually copulates in 4 different Phases and ejaculates differently each time.
The first spewing is sort of watery, and each accompanying discharge gets thicker and thicker.
Each 'mounting' can last from 10-30 minutes, and the pig penis is really shaped like a corkscrew!
Thank you for asking!
And I say to yor final question..Why Not?

David Santos,
Thank you very much.
Please come back again.

barman said...

Someone had to verify that the computers roll over happened!

Actually I was not felling well and stayed up a little longer just browsing and catching up. By the way, my computer did not roll over. I thought it was patched but no.

Happy beginning of Daylight Savings Time day... Oh and no I am not happy about it. I wish we did not do Daylight Savings Time period.

G-Man said...

Yeah, I just noticed that your clock has not advanced yet. You are the computer whiz, can't you change it?
C'Mon Barman, you have a reputation to live up to just like I do!!

SignGurl said...

I was going to tell Manny that being called a pig now, doesn't seem so bad. (I knew about the pig thing first hand from all the hours spend cleaning the barns. No, the boar didn't mount me, you freak! I would stick with horses, thank you very much.)

The Amish stuff made me laugh, but Strumpets response was the best. Maybe her and I could go on a road trip to find the ever elusive, willing Amish man, heh!

G-Man said...

Dids't thou asketh for a Man Sister Jenn??

javajazz said...

i'm sorry David, but
this post is not
really very good at all...

(and i happen to know
some very beautiful virgins...)

SeaRabbit said...

Oh... Maybe something that you don't know yet... Rabbits are having a very impressive copulation way... The male took 3 seconds to cum... and then fall on his side from exhaustion...
When I say impressive, I don't lie... ;-)

Top cat said...

g-man..Tc stops and waves as he shuts down for the day.
Have fun folks.

G-Man said...

Why thank you JavaJazz for those wonderful words of encouragement!
Your kind thoughtful ways are so inspireing on such a beautiful Sunday..Please remind me to always stay on your good side.
And of course I was talking about virgins past the age of 30!
Do you know any 30 yr old virgins?

SeaRabbit, I sure hope your not speaking from experiance. I've been smiling an awful lot about you lately Jo..
I'm so glad that you've been feeling great..
Have a fantastic Sunday Sweetie..Au Revoir....G x

G-Man said...

So long Mr Cat...
Show Mrs. Cat, where it's at!

javajazz said...

that WAS my good side!
and G-spot, you KNOW i know
what a good guy you are.
i dont get fooled by
peoples candy coating...
but with you,
theres even more colours
on the inside too!

ARE there such a thing
as 30 year old virgins?

(hey, its either that or
talking about pigs
having weenies like corkscrews
and i'm just not knowledgeable
enough to speak on that subject.)

MONA said...

Beats me..& I am thinking...why shud a cock not have hands because hens do not have tits? I mean, hands are not only meant for fondling but also pinching the ass!
old foggeys love that I heard...& slapping ass too

G-Man said...

Speaking of colors on the inside...
Do you know why a man's piss is yellow, and his Jizz is white?

So he can tell if he's comming or going!

Personally, I know of no virgins past that age, but I think your looking way beyond the intrinsic value of the meaning of that parting joke....
Lisa I understand that you probably never had any reason to learn any porcine reproductive tidbits, but isn't it just a little interesting? And besides you were not even referring to my post. You were referring to comments on my post. Theres a big difference you know. LOVEBUTTON!!

lime said...

um, your amish facts are quite questionable.

if you want to coorupt an amish by, rumspringa is the time to do it. amish are not complete teatotalers. and during rumspringa the young folks can be real hellions. in fact, a few years ago, there was a drug ring among the amish that got broken up. yes, yes i know this was al lintended as humor...but just for the record.

ok, so if virgin wool comes from ugly sheep what about EXTRA virgin olive oil???

G-Man said...

Mona, Hi sweetie! Big hugs go out to you my dear..
You are much more risque' than one would imagine comming from such an exotic beauty such as yourself. That merely adds to your mystique. Thanks again..G

G-Man said...

Limey? Jeez, this is light hearted humor, not the G.E. College Bowl.
Thanks for sharing actual Amish Lore...G
Trini? xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

G-Man said...

Limey? The EVOO comes from Rachel Ray.....Haha!

javajazz said...

LEARN any reproductive tidbits?
i may have actually invented a few of my own, bub!

extra virgin olive oil must have
come from extra ugly olives...

this is all grossing me out.

and i refuse to poke fun
at the Amish...they actually are attempting to not turn the rest of the world into the pigsty it has become, and they bake darn good pies...they work together as a community and look after one another with care and consideration and support and they try not to use up the worlds resources...thankfully they dont all drive silver or black Beamers and yes, it doesnt surprise me that there might be a bit of internal resistance to being raised this way, when they are tempted by all the stuff they see out there in the so called real world...
but one wonders what the real "real" truly is...and at the end of the day, when we're lying on our deathbeds, maybe we'll look back and reflect a bit more seriously about what we have or have not contributed to this world, myself included...everyone is entitled to live the life they are drawn to...and we all have much to learn.

Manny said...

I have a friend who live's real close to an Amish community. They are fine without electricity, but never hesitate asking my friend if they can use her phone. Tis true.

G-Man said...

JJ, Lighten Up Francis!
How many Amish laptops are reading this as we speak? Plus I'm sure they are turning the other cheek to boot. You may do a post on Amish contributions to 21st century society if you like, I'm certain it will be lengthly!!!

Manny, Thats a riot!
It's not wrong...
It's not a sin..
If their kid got injured on a horse, would they not want modern technology to save the child..or would it be God's Will to let the child suffer?
It's not wrong to advance with the times.
If that were the case, I would wear a cod piece and shit in my back yard!

It's only blogging!!

SignGurl said...

Heavy stuff here in the comments on such a beautiful day. Time to lighten things up.

According to Lime, Strumpet and I need to catch an Amish boy/man on Rumspringa. Does this happen at a specific time of year? We need to know so we can make plans.

Cazzie!!! said...

LMAO on this here Monday morning.
It is beginning to get cool here, after a long hot dry Summer, my kids have had to don their jumpers today for the first time in a long time.
Glad you had a great weekend. Here we just had a long weekend, today is a public holliday. Hubby is setting up at the airfield for an Internbational Airshow. I will blog about this next week.

gab said...

When my father in law was alive, there were Amish right next door(well 1/2 mile) who always walked up to his home to use the phone. When they were done with the call they would hang up and call the operator back and ask for the total cost of the call that they just made. They would then leave the money on the window ledge by the phone. That way they always paid for what ever calls they made. Some times they would bring food as well as the money, alot of times they would leave with some kind of food that my father in law canned or grew.
As far as the pigs and their mating rituals Im a total city girl even though I went to the farm in the summers. either way thanks for the laugh today I can always count on you!

jillie said...

I'm a virgin! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA...

You know I wasted a perfect sunny cali spring day on the cough...

HUNG OVER TO THE GILLS but you know...Lisa and I had some kick as fun last night!

G-Man said...

It's OK Jenn, some people are very careing and special, but we don't all think alike. I'm cool with that. Some people don't like what I have to say about booze either. And when I was confronted on that issue, some careing and special people came to my defense on that issue as well. Hmmmmmmm

I didn't think that I was controversial, but you never know.
I love you Jenn...

My new friend from down under, that never fakes her orgasms...
What Holiday is it down there sweetie?
And your hubby is a pilot? Thats sounds too cool..
OK, what are jumpers?
And every Aussi chick that I've ever met, is smokin hot!!
I should introduce you to my friend Lime, she is a land owner in your awesome country..
Thanks for comming back!

G-Man said...

Gabby, are you ready to ride yet? Thats a great Amish story, good memories eh?

Jillie Bean!!!
Poor baby, a little headache? Let Uncle G-Man rub those throbbing temples for you.
Guess what? I took the Bike out for a little spin today. It may have been 58 but I don't know.It sure felt good though...later sweetie, I'm going up to Starbucks for a bit!!

wmy said...

dammittttttttt-- I really made it late to this one huh?? lol
My dad says that the only virgins these days are ugly 8 year olds!
Oh, strumpet...I think it is one of the seven deadly sins to corrupt an amish man...right after rage...or maybe its gluttony...I do not know what the hell I am talking about right now..fuck it!

lime said...

rumspringa is not a season of the year but it is a time in a young person's life when they are free to live as they wish, sow their wild oats with impunity. at the end of that period is when they must decide to either recieve baptism and live an amish life or leave the community for good.

and actually the attitudes on technology ar e made by the governing body or elders called the ordnung. they determine what technologies will be permitted and to what extent depending upon theeffect they are likely to have on family and community life, ie strengthen or weaken bonds.

regarding the attitude toward medical advances they do not eschew modern medicine in fact the community in PA participates in various studies conducted by geneticists because it is a closed community and therefore certain genes are more easily traced and studied. they do this because they recognize it may lead to greater good for humanity in general. so believe it or not, the amish are in some ways, on the cutting edge of medical technology....put that in thy butter churn and churn it. hehehehe.

and yes, g-man, i know this is a lighthearted post. just adding a bit to your vast repository of knowledge so you can further secure your position as mr knowitall.

Jodes said...

yeah tooooooo funny.

jillie said...

Good for you on your ride! I heard a lot of bikes out today. Would have LOVED to have been on one but THAT was not happening. I have to wait until I can even get my bike boots on before I can ride again....dammit!

G-Man said...

Trini, I obviously have to gain my vast wealth of knowledge from somewhere, and what better source than someone as bright, talented, and smart as you my beautiful Michelle? I respect all my fellow bloggers as a repository of knowledge.
Thanks Limey you Rock!!

Jillie...I have an extra helmut???

Strumpet said...

Well, that answers those questions...

So, Galen...

Do you know any hot Amish dudes?

Mr. Cat,

Are you saying your down with roleplay?

Cos as long as you promise to dress the part and take me for a ride in your horse-drawn buggy and bring homemade apple butter that you plan on spreading atop some very interesting places and then consuming it heartily....

I can get into that.