Monday, July 2, 2007

Scuse Me............

WARNING!!!! The post you are about to read is about a French guy. It is interesting, but gross. It also kind of fulfills both Musical Monday AND TMI Tuesday obligations...Hahahaha..Enjoy.....
Frenchman Joseph Pujol, the virtuoso of the anal accordian, earned fame and fortune at the turn of the nineteenth century as La Petomane.While lying in the bath..Pujol made a remarkable discovery that he could modulate sound with complete odorless farting!!
Pujol took his act to Paris where he became an immediate overnight sensation, even outselling France's favorite actress Sarah Bernhardt. His performance included a series of imitations, such as calico being torn, a cannon, an 8 day old pup, A creaking door, an owl, a duck, a swarm of bees, a bullfrog and a pig...he could 'intone' by placing a small horn in his rectum, and playing " By The Light of The Silvery Moon. And he could easily extinguish a candle from 1 foot away..
For the encore, he would insert a yard of rubber hose with a cigarette in one end of his rectun, then drew the cigarrete in and exhaled smoke.
The highlight of Pujols career, was a contiental tour that drew many of the crowned heads of Europe, although King Leopold II of belgium, felt obliged to see the entire act in disguise! When Pujols died in 1945, at the ripe old age of 88, he was succeeded by several imitators, including a female "Petomane" called La Mere Alexandre, who could imitate the farts of the famous, and perform a series of entertaining "Occupational Farts" including those of nuns and freemasons.
Her Magnum Opus however, was the impression of the bombardment of Port Arthur.
In the 1980's, an American "Petomane" known as Honeysuckle Divine, could blow out a candle at two paces and fart "Jingle Bells"...Now if this post wasn't bad enough, I have the uncanny knack of " saving up" my flatulance, as to not be too noxious to my co-workers. When I would go outside to get some air, I would find an opportunistic time to release the Methane! One day a crowd of my co-workers were gathered around the picnic table smoking. One of them knew of my ability to "Fart on Cue",( since I had a Cache' of them stored up) he called out "Oshko"...
"Show this new guy what you can do." I strolled over to the table....Made a V peace sign, and farted out the opening to Beethovin's 5th...Duh Duh Duh Duuuuuuuuuh!!!!!!
As I strolled away in stunned silence, I knew it was my "Finest Hour"........."
I think the guy quit soon after!!... "V" .....FRAAAaaaap!

33 comments:

J Morgetron said...

Musical Butt Trivia is a passion of mine. Thank you G-Man.

Serena Joy said...

Good God, I learn something new every day! I will never look at ordinary musical instruments or common household items the same again. LMAO! Where on earth do you find this stuff?:-)

J Morgetron said...

I'm not much of a farter, but I'm one helluva burper. I learned from the best ... my grandma.

Strumpet said...

I fucking love Beethoven.

I love the disco version of the fifth on the Saturday Night Fever soundtrack.

Your fart intro might top that though.

I'd have to hear it.

From a distance...

xoxo

lime said...

holy moses on a pogo stick, that had to be the weirdest post i have ever read! and people payed to be entertained this way...astonishing....

S said...

Ewww

javajazz said...

ya, big eww!
though i do come from a rather
long line of flatulence experts....
(ewww.)

Snow White said...

This is one time I'm glad to not be close to the top! LOL

barman said...

OK, now that was ... different! I never knew you were so talented. Any chance you can play happy birthday? Crabcake aka Pam is having a Birthday today and I thought a rousing round of Happy Birthday was in order if you are up to the challenge.

Top cat said...

Drew and Mike on WRIF introduced a guy from England many years ago called MrMethane who is a fartiste.(spelling)
They've even had him over here for special events. I guess he is a big fan of baby powder to help things flow easily.lol
tc

barman said...

Is it just me or does something stink?

G-Man said...

MORGETRON!!!!!!!!
CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!
I'd like to hear you belch out your name..xox

Serena....
One of these days Baby,
One of these days......
xoxoxox

The G-Man is wears many hats Strumpet, this is one of them!!! xoxox

No Limey, you get this for free!!! xoxox
(I know)

Susie,
You love it!
xoxox

Lisa...
It must be the Matzoh!
Thanks sweetie.xoxox

Diana...???
3:45 AM..?

Barman..
I could do it you know!!
Thanks

Good Morning TC!!
I've seen that guy on Howard Stern, he is quite awesome!!

SignGurl said...

Please remind me not to be downwind from you when we are outside!

Cazzie!!! said...

LOL too funny, and, you would be a laugh a minute at our BBQ's.

Strumpet said...

Hats are cool.

Except baseball hats.

I like my pageboy.

G-Man said...

Oh Jenn,
They don't smell...
xoxoxox

Cazzie,
I'd love to go to an Aussi BBQ...
With You!!!
Thanks sweetie.xoxox

G-Man said...

Yeah Strumpet?
I hear that you look awesome in it too!!

MONA said...

Galen! ((((HUGS))))

Strumpet said...

Ha!

I usually wear it when I roll-out of bed.

It's gonna see some action in just a bit.

Along with my aviators, scummy jeans, tennies and some sort of a t-shirt...perhaps Guns 'n' Roses.

Or maybe my wrap-around sandals...I DID just have my toes done yesterday...they look stupendous...the red on my toes will go with the red detailing on my Guns 'n' Roses shirt.

There we go.

Starbucks here I come.

xo

G-Man said...

MONA!!!!
Thanks, I needed a big hug from a pretty woman!
xoxox

Thanks Strumpet for the toe tease!!
I'm going to get a reputation ya know!!!
Now I'm off to work now till 8...Hold down the fort!!
I'll hold down the Fart!
hahahahahaha.I crack me up!

Strumpet said...

Have fun!

jillie said...

LOL...that was funnnnnnnyyyy!!! I think I Robert's brother was reincarnated from this dude...pfffft!

LOL...hey g-man...pull my finger!

You crack me up...

I can belch a pretty good tune ;o))

Charles said...

I have to hold that at least part of this post is a fabrication. I sincerely hope so, at any rate. I won't say which part I disbelieve. An amusing post anyway. Kind of like the National Enquirer(is that where you get this stuff?).

G-Man said...

I did Strumpet..Thanks xox

Jillie,
I know some stories about you girl, But I'll keep em to myself!!

Charles...?
Saddly....It's all true!

MONA said...

Galen!
Happy independence day!

SeaRabbit said...

Are you planning to make those shows comaing back? Good Lord!!! Awful what those crazy french can invent to get some attention, lololololol!

MONA said...

NOW I know what everyone in America does on their independence day!!

They sleep till kingdom come!!!

& We have the loudspeakers blaring patriotic numbers from five in the morning on our Independence Day[ 15th Augaust] No one can sleep even if they want to!!!

MONA said...

Holy Moses!!!

GALEN WAKE UP!!! ITS 10 'O CLOCK IN THE MORNING!!!!!!

Palm Springs Savant said...

this is funny stuff...great blog. first time visitor here. I'll def be back!

tkkerouac said...

Happy July 4Th!

G-Man said...

MONA!!!
Thanks sweetie..

Searabbit,
The French they are
A funny race...
They fight with their feet,
And fuck with their face!

MONA......?

Just 5 more minutes OK?

PSS,
Welcome to the Jungle,
it can't be THAT boring in Palm Springs!!
You may visit as often as you like my friend..

Thanks Tracy..xoxoxox

Charles said...

Galen,
Congratulations, you've been nominated for an award. See my blog for more.

Charles said...

Happy 4th, Galen. Hope you're at a cookout. :)