Friday, December 1, 2006

PLEASE THINK OF OTHERS #1

WARNING: GRAPHIC CONTENT
Today's, lesson is about Bathroom Etiquette. At home and especially at work. First of all I must explain that my bathroom at home is like my haven. When the world and family is more than I can deal with, I have my little escape. My locked Bathroom! In it I have my land phone, color cable w/remote, my closet, and 'library'. If I had a fridge in there I do believe that I would NEVER have to come out. So with that in mind......

1.) Men, be courteous. You know the routine, lift before, lower after.
2.)Always flush when finished pissing.Why some men feel compelled to flush mid-piss I've never figured it out. Who wants to pee in a toilet greeted by yellow bubbles?
3.)When shitting, kindly return all reading materials to their original place. If at work, don't be lazy and leave readables NEXT to the shitter.You know why? Because some 'aimless' male pisser will splash anything within 3ft of the stool. I don't want to read a wet'Cosmo' do you?
4.)After shitting please make sure that there are NO floaties left in said stool. It doesn't hurt to stay a bit longer and flush twice.
5.) If you use the last of the paper, kindly remove the cardboard roll and add a fresh full roll. And why this is an OCD issue I'll never know, but the paper goes OVER the top, not under! It adds to an easier tear, and thats the way it should be..
6.)If there is air freshener in the room, PLEASE use it..
7.)Lastly, I know that there are emergencies BUT, get up a little earlier and...SHIT AT HOME!!!!

Thank you for your cooperation!!



11 comments:

Strumpet said...

First of all...

The toilet paper MUST be placed upon the roll with the tissue being released from the UNDERside. NOT over the top of the roll.

Where do you get that this provides for an easier tear? Simple physics show that an easier tear comes about when the paper comes from the BOTTOM, as the roll of paper above it provides for more resistance. What follows is the perforated bits freely tear apart with less force.

I do realize that when the paper is over the top, some folk will take the time to place a hand upon the roll to make the resistance needed and tear appropriately.

But, I never really depend on people to do what's right. They usually just pull away and then let the paper roll all over the place and you end up with ten sheets of paper coming down with the last one touching the floor and that's just disgusting.

Second of all...

you read Cosmo?

Come here, baby...

=P

Kidding. I used to love Cosmo. Especially the sex stuff. I'm more of a Lucky, Marie Claire, Glamour, Elle, Rolling Stone, Blender, Spin, Bust, Everyday with Rachael Ray and Jane kind of a girl these days. And, oh...how I miss Sassy. I also really enjoy Playboy, Penthouse and Hustler. But, I think that's a given. (You forgot the rule about leaving Playboy, Penthouse and Hustler stick-free. Or is that a given too?)

All other bathroom etiquette rules you have listed are way kinds of spot-on.

Kudos!

G-Man said...

Rachel Ray? Don't even get me started on that bubbly bitch! Why would you admit in public that you read anything by or about her..."how cool is that" duh! But thanks sweetie for the input. You rock!!!

erika said...

Oh boy I have to disagree with Strumpet. I am an over gal. It is easier to tear from over the top for me.

G-Man said...

Erika baby, thanks for your support, I knew I could count on you..

lime said...

i applaud your admonitions, particualrly how a toilet papet roll should go. paper from under is just WRONG!!! regardless of what strumpet has to say on the issue.

G-Man said...

Thanks Lime, I hope you feel better soon....Boy Strumpets NOT going to like this..

SignGurl said...

Another vote for over the top! That way you don't have to touch the wall when you are pulling because for some, who knows what might be on those hands.

If I didn't know better, I would think I wrote this.

P.S. Yes, I wore white, what of it? Are you insinuating something?

Strumpet said...

I have a VERY strong attraction towards Ms. Ray's ass.

I am not afraid to admit that in any way shape or form.

Not that I'd ever have the opportunity, but if Rachael were down, I could totally get into tying her to a chair with a little duct tape over her mouth as I lick whipped cream from her nipples and scream, 'Yum-Oh!'

I could teach her so many different things to do with a thirty minute time-frame.

Buying her magazine from time to time helps to support such fantasies to continue to form inside my head.

If that makes me uncool in your world, Galen... So, be it.

I would also, of course, teach her how to tip.

I do not touch the wall when I pull from under. I only find I have to touch anything if it comes from over-the-top.

I suppsoe this is one of those things that stems from our mothers. If we grew-up in a house where it came from the bottom...we are bottom people. If you were raised in a home where it was an over-the-top toilet roll...you will forever be an over-the-top person. You just don't move out of a house you lived-in for 18 years and suddenly decide that you are going to change the way the toilet paper goes after becoming accustomed to the habit for so long. I suppose it comes down to psychology rather than physics with such an issue.

G-Man said...

Signgurl, whatever do you mean? You were pure, I just know it!

Chandra, I really like the duct tape scenario, especially on her !You on the other hand are BEYOND cool, you are Cougat!!

gab said...

Ok here in this house it seems no one but me can change the empty roll in our 1 and only bathroom with 3 adults and 3 kids(4 males and 2 females). And because our bathroom is so tiny and the roll is up against the wall across from the tolit I always go over the top! My parents do it the other way and I never undderstood why. If it went under it would rub against the wall ewwww. And god I wish the males in this house knew how to flush after peeing. But what I hear from them is why its just yellow water! YUCK. I did finally get them all to lower the seat.

Strumpet said...

Well, Gab just blew my whole Mother Theory.

I'm just not like everybody else.

I'm Cougat.

Whatever that means.

I tried googling it Galen. Apparently, Cugat was a jazzy mambo king. I tried translating it from French at Dictionary.com. That didn't work, so you may have to enlighten me as you do so often.