Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Retro-One Shot.....


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Ahhhh, the 60's!
Us kids had a pretty sweet deal for a while.
Absolutely ANYTHING was available from the back
pages of your Superman or Batman comic book.
I remember......
The year was 1964!
Because of that asshole Lee Harvey Oswald ordering
a $17.00 assassination rifle from Italy, we knew that the
supply of neat shit that you could order was about to dry up!
We had to act fast!
The "Foreign" couple that lived next door was always jibbering
in some strange language.
In their backyard garden, they only grew potatos and cabbage.
They had thick moustaches (even the 'wife')!!!
Their curtains were ALWAYS closed.
They had a pet Goat named Putana!!!
They never did laundry!
The Cold War made everyone suspicious of one another, and I was
no different. There was MUCH excitement when my "Man From
Uncle" spy pen arrived, I was going to learn more about this
sinister couple!! After gathering enough incriminating data to
hang Mr. and Mrs. Pinkoscovich, I decided to take matters into my own hands!
Even though I didn't live on any body of water, and the torpedos
would be useless, I knew that I could lob a couple of missles next door
and take care of my 'Vermin' problem!
Can I say something here? NEVER lob a Polaris Missle at a house
within 10 miles of yours...To this day I glow in the dark!!!
Shortly after this "incident", the Postal Service banned the shipment
of ALL Nuclear Subs. But let me tell you, they were Kick Ass!!!
Did any of you ever own any of these Mail-Order treasures?
Next Week...Sea Monkey's out of control!!!

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Is it Wednesday?
Have any Art, Prose, or Poetry laying around? In ANY format?
Post it on your blog, then go visit .......HERE!!

I'm entering this under Nostalgic Satirical Silliness.

26 comments:

Monkey Man said...

I ordered the sub and stuffed it with the baking soda required to propel it. Finest mail order toy ever.

Brian Miller said...

hehe i used to love those ads at the back of the comic books....i always wanted the x ray glasses...

secret agent woman said...

My father was on subs at that time, and later built nuclear subs. I don't think he ever got one of the toys.

moondustwriter said...

So I guess the free trial ended ... suddenly

G-Man you always have your readers on the floor... (laughing)

hope said...

I remember the x-ray glasses but figured if boys already had cooties, did I really want to SEE what cooties looked like naked? :)

dustus said...

LOL A far cry from what kids can order online today with their parent's Visa. Love the rendering of xenophobia and paranoia.... I'm still looking for a pair of X-ray glasses that actually work!

Just Me said...

What an awesome poem. I have never got to order anything nearly as cool as you and now I am jealous... This was a great read!

Eric 'Bubba' Alder said...

I was born in 1964 - Beatlemania! A great year!

Serena said...

You were a problem child, weren't you?:-)

lime said...

how about x-ray specs!

hedgewitch said...

We were so poor not only could I not afford to buy things from the back of comics, I couldn't even buy comics. (But I used to save for them by returning old Coke and Nehi bottles and empty quarts of Dad's Old Fashioned Root Beer--got a whole dime for those, and I'd blow it on Superman or Wonder Woman..)

Now I see it was a good thing...I would have ended up in the crowbar hotel *and* be glowin in the dark..

Jerry said...

saweet ...I want one!

Margaret said...

I was truly deprived... my mom wouldn't even buy the "sugary" cereals so I could get the prize inside. I was "stuck" with oatmeal, scrambled eggs and pancakes.

libraryscene said...

love this snippet of nostalgia.. I've been reading a lot of heavy stuff tonight, so this was a nice take on a serious time, but with a G-Man kick... fabulous ~

Pheromone Girl said...

I missed out on so much, being a child of the 60s. The best thing we found in cereal boxes wasn't decoder rings... it was always something plastic.

On the flip side, my brothers liked to blow things up with the M80s they bought from the neighbors. Usually it was one of my barbie dolls, who would then need plastic surgery. I was pretty good with a scalpel.

TALON said...

lol! My brothers were always sending for things from the back of comic books - though "sisters" (especially younger ones) were not privy to what exactly these things were. I do remember a rocket, but it never actually worked. But they had fun trying!

KB said...

You had a Man From Uncle pen? How cute!

Larry said...

Ummmmm I'm with Brian with all the different adds on the back page I was interested in the exray glasses.

Akelamalu said...

Cool!

the walking man said...

They had better stuff advertised on the back of matchbook covers--definitively not kid or neighbor friendly.

Garish Fantasy said...

All I wanted was the prize in the Crackerjack box..
Okay..I ordered the underwater monkeys, they never arrived or my sister nicked them and never told me.

Linda said...

Cool toys. I never ordered anything more exciting than record albums.

gautami tripathy said...

You made my day!!

Here is my One Shot:
gost of a rose

Jannie Funster said...

I never even got a Secret Decoder Ring, booohoohoo.

1964, I was born, whooohoo.

Never did laundry, yikes. Maybe had a hidden laundry emporium in tunnels under the house? I've heard of that.

xo

PattiKen said...

There would have been nothing to fear from the neighbors had you only ordered the Captain Midnight Secret Decoder Ring. Of course, you would have had to drink the Ovaltine too, and that was not anywhere near as much fun as devouring a comic book.

MomsJournal said...

Pinkoscovich hahahahaha ;-)