Monday, June 14, 2010
A Mr. August Busch from St. Louis Missouri asks...
"Dear Mr. Knowitall, I came home from work last night hot, tired, thirsty, all I wanted was an ice cold beer. You know what? My wife was dumping my last brewski over her head!! I nearly passed out from screaming. I asked her WTF she was doing, and she said that she was adding 'Bounce' to her hair... Fucking Bounce? I almost bounced her down the steps! Mr. Knowitall, can this be true? And if it is, are there even other uses for beer other than swilling? Can you help me please?"
Dear Auggie, Of course I can!!
*Beer is slightly acidic, making it useful for cleaning copper pots. Dump a warm beer into the pot, let it sit for a few minutes, then wipe clean.
*Beer kills pesky garden slugs! Fill some wide-mouthed jars a third of the way full with beer. Bury them about 15-20 feet from your garden with the rims level with the soil. Slugs LOVE
beer! They will smell it, try to drink it, then fall into the jars and drown.
*This one is of particular interest to me...Fill a foot bath with Ice-Cold Bubbly beer! It will sooth your tired feet.
*Spray beer on the brown patches in your lawn. The grass will absorb the fermented sugars which stimulates growth!
*Flat beer cleans wooden furniture. Dump some on a soft cloth, clean the furniture, then wipe dry. You will be very impressed.
*You can also pour some beer on a clean cloth, and wipe your gold jewelry. It will make it even shinier.
*If you have any coffee stains on your carpet, pour it directly on the stain, then rub it into the fibers until it comes clean.
*If drinking too much beer has got you lost, it can also show you the way to go home. Put some beer in a bowl until it goes flat, then magnetize a needle by rubbing it vigorously against some silk, lay it gently on it's side in the bowl of flat beer, and it will point North/South.
Good question Auggie...Thanks.
But all this talk of beer has made Mr. Knowitall grow weary.
I bid you adieu....