Monday, April 19, 2010
A Mr. Adam Lambert from Dairy Aire Kentucky asks...
"Dear Mr. Knowitall...I am very very interested in Rumps. Do you know anything about the Science of Rumpology"?
Dear Adam, of course I do!
'Rumpology or "Bottom Reading", is a pseudoscience performed by reading the lines, crevices, dimples, warts, moles, and folds of a person's buttocks in much the same way a Chirologist would read the palm of a hand.
Rumpology is known to have been practiced in ancient times by Babylonians, Indians, Greeks and Romans..According to American astrologer and rumpologist Jackie Stallone! According to Stallone, the left and right buttocks reveal a person's past and future. And also the crack of your behind corresponds to the division of the two hemisperes of the brain.
According to blind rumpologist Ulf Beck (pictured above Jackie Stallone), An apple shaped muscular bottom indicates someone who is charismatic, dynamic, confident, and creative. A person that enjoys life! A pear shaped Butt suggests someone that is steadfast, patient, and down to Earth.
Rumpology can be performed either by sight, touch, or the use of buttock prints. Jackie Stallone will perform buttock readings using E-Mailed digital photo's. She has claimed to have predicted the outcome of Presidential Elections and Oscar winners by reading the bottoms of her two Doberman Pinschers!
Ulf Beck can read peoples future's by reading their naked buttocks.
He also states that in a male, if your bottom is sore, red, enlarged and 'squishy', you have either been to prison, or you have a penchant for ballet! In a woman, the same symptoms usually indicate that you are married to a Greek, or are too cheap to buy condoms.
Good Question Adam, thanks.....
Of course I think all of this is Horse-Pucky, you may just have a gigantic boil on your ass!!
Mr. Knowitall grows weary....