Monday, April 12, 2010

TMI Tuesday.....






A Mr. Irving Lipshitz from Elmyra New York asks...

"Dear Mr. Knowitall, I Just won a Comedy Joke-Off at our local pub's Talent Night, and 'First Prize' was that I get to open for Hymen Marx, Catskill Legend and Great-Grandson of Zeppo Marx. I was born a Reformed Jew, which is almost Catholic, and I don't know very many 'Jewish Jokes' that are 'politically correct'. Could you PLEASE help a Brotha out"?

Dear Irving....Of course I can!

* Why don't Jewish mother's drink alcohol?
It interferes with their suffering!

* Why do Jewish Mothers make great parole officers?
They never let anyone finish a sentence!

* How many Jewish Mothers does it take to change a light bulb?
(sigh) "Don't bother...I'll sit in the dark. I don't wanna be a nuisance".

* Whats the difference between a rotweiler and a Jewish mother?
Eventually the rotweiler lets go!

* There's always been a Judaic controversy of when life begins.
They believe that the fetus is not viable until it graduates from medical school!

* Speaking of doctor's...The Doctor called Mrs. Cohen and said. "Mrs. Cohen, the check you wrote for the treatment came back". Mrs. Cohen answered, "So did my arthritus!"

* Patient: I have a ringing in my ears.
Doctor: Don't answer!

* The Doctor gave a man 6 months to live. The man couldn't pay his bill so the Doctor gave him another 6 Months!!!

* I just got back from a pleasure trip...I took my Mother-In-Law to the airport!

* I've been in love with the same woman for 49 years...If my wife ever finds out she'll kill me!

* Someone stole all my credit cards! But I didn't report it because the thief spends less than my wife...

* My wife and I got a waterbed at the last hotel we stayed at...She called it The Dead Sea!

* My wife and I always hold hands when we go out...If I let go She Shops!

* Short summary of every Jewish Holiday...They tried to kill us..We Won..Lets eat!!!

* A bum walks up to a Jewish Mother on the street and says.."Lady, I haven't eaten in 3 whole days"! The Mother replied...'Force yourself.'

* And Finally...Why are Jewish men circumsized?
Because Jewish Women don't like anything thats NOT 20% off!

Irving...? Good Question.....Break A Leg!!!

Oy Gevalt!!! Mr. Knowitall grows weary.

Shalom...!!!

13 comments:

Brian Miller said...

lol. you are the penultimate joke book g-man...

Thom said...

OMG 20% off will never be the same again. LOL

Serena said...

I don't think I'll be vacationing in the Catskills this year. LOL.

Mona said...

:)

Jana said...

I’m very glad that there are Tuesdays and that I’m around floating somewhere to go visit your blog on Tuesdays.

Quixote said...

*snickers* good ones G-Daddy!

Angel

Gillian said...

LMAO....I had a good giggle with this one.

the walking man said...

I need that 20% back...it wasn't a discount.

Shadow said...

heee heeee heeeee, you're the best!

buffalodick said...

Priest and a Rabbi walking down the street..Priest says to Rabbi; "Let's go over to my parish and screw a couple of altar boys"! Rabbi says; "Outta what?"

Greg S. said...

Great, just great! I'm glad that you'll be here all week!!

chitowngreg
http://chitowngreg.wordpress.com

Mama Zen said...

You are so funny!

Missy said...

I couldn't resist this!!! I luver the one about the Medical school. Isn't that the truth, but considering boys aren't considered men until thirty does that change things?????