Monday, April 12, 2010
A Mr. Irving Lipshitz from Elmyra New York asks...
"Dear Mr. Knowitall, I Just won a Comedy Joke-Off at our local pub's Talent Night, and 'First Prize' was that I get to open for Hymen Marx, Catskill Legend and Great-Grandson of Zeppo Marx. I was born a Reformed Jew, which is almost Catholic, and I don't know very many 'Jewish Jokes' that are 'politically correct'. Could you PLEASE help a Brotha out"?
Dear Irving....Of course I can!
* Why don't Jewish mother's drink alcohol?
It interferes with their suffering!
* Why do Jewish Mothers make great parole officers?
They never let anyone finish a sentence!
* How many Jewish Mothers does it take to change a light bulb?
(sigh) "Don't bother...I'll sit in the dark. I don't wanna be a nuisance".
* Whats the difference between a rotweiler and a Jewish mother?
Eventually the rotweiler lets go!
* There's always been a Judaic controversy of when life begins.
They believe that the fetus is not viable until it graduates from medical school!
* Speaking of doctor's...The Doctor called Mrs. Cohen and said. "Mrs. Cohen, the check you wrote for the treatment came back". Mrs. Cohen answered, "So did my arthritus!"
* Patient: I have a ringing in my ears.
Doctor: Don't answer!
* The Doctor gave a man 6 months to live. The man couldn't pay his bill so the Doctor gave him another 6 Months!!!
* I just got back from a pleasure trip...I took my Mother-In-Law to the airport!
* I've been in love with the same woman for 49 years...If my wife ever finds out she'll kill me!
* Someone stole all my credit cards! But I didn't report it because the thief spends less than my wife...
* My wife and I got a waterbed at the last hotel we stayed at...She called it The Dead Sea!
* My wife and I always hold hands when we go out...If I let go She Shops!
* Short summary of every Jewish Holiday...They tried to kill us..We Won..Lets eat!!!
* A bum walks up to a Jewish Mother on the street and says.."Lady, I haven't eaten in 3 whole days"! The Mother replied...'Force yourself.'
* And Finally...Why are Jewish men circumsized?
Because Jewish Women don't like anything thats NOT 20% off!
Irving...? Good Question.....Break A Leg!!!
Oy Gevalt!!! Mr. Knowitall grows weary.