Tuesday, June 12, 2007

TMI Tuesday.....

June was in years past, the traditional month for getting married. Hence the old phrase June Bride. Well whatever month you got married, not everybody's honeymoon was fun and games.
I've compiled a little list of History's least romantic honeymoons.....

Attila the Hun, or the 'Scourge of God' to his friends, was a real ladies man according to historians. He had hundreds of concubines, and a dozen wives. On his honeymoon with his 12th wife Ildico, one of his arteries burst and he died...

Eva Braun, married longtime boyfriend Adolf Hitler on April 29, 1945. She celebrated her big night by swallowing poison. After her hubby blew his brains out, they were both cremated in the Reich Chancellery Garden...

The wedding night of Cesare Borgia, nephew of 16th Century Pope Alexander, was wrecked when a practical joker switched his regular medication for a bottle of laxative pills...

At the age og 28, famous Victorian author and art critic John Ruskin married his cousin Effie Gray. But on his wedding night, he found the sight of his wifes pubic hair so distressing that they never shared a bed again...They spent a sexless honeymoon in Venice, where he painted and took notes on the architecture. He also mused on the decline of the Venetian Empire. He promised to really try and bang her in 3 years time, but he chickened out and never did "dip the wick".........The marriage was annulled!!

John Harvey Kellogg of the Cornflake fame, spent his honeymoon night with Ella Eaton writing a 644 page tretise called "Plain Facts For Young and Old"...This included a 97 page essay about the secret vice of masturbation. He listed 39 telltale signs of how you could tell if a person was wanking off ...#7. Sleeplessness #11. Love of solitude #13. Unnatural Boldness. #14. Confusion of Ideas. #28. Use of tobacco. #30. Acne.....The marriage was never consumated!

In August 1994, Minnesota newlywed Greg McCloud broke his back while carrying his 280 pound bride Helen over the threshold. The ER doctor thought he was run over by a car...

German bride Amy Weltz, went to her wedding in Brisbane in September 1993, ignorant of the Aussi custom of smearing cake in the face of the spouse. When the new hubby Charles rubbed cake in her face at the reception, she responded by grabbing a bottle of wine and smashed him on his head, killing him instantly...

Japanese couple Sachi and Tomio Hidaki, married in 1978. They did not get around to do the 'wild thing' for quite some time...But after 14 years of waiting, they decided to give it a go.....
They both suffered fatal heart attacks!!!

According to Princess Di's biographer Andrew Morton, as a special honeymoon treat, Prince Charles read passages from the works of Carl Jung and Laurens van der Post...........

......Yikes!!!! Theres my TMI Tuesday list, feel free to contribute any Honeymoon Horrors of your own if you know of any.....Peace.... Galen

30 comments:

lime said...

first to pop the cherry ;)

lime said...

good grief....there is some tragic material there!!!!

i guess i should be glad the worst that happeend to me was getitng a UTI, lol

although as we were in the elevator to go to our room another bride and presumably groom and groomsman all entered with us. the other three were staggering drunk and both guys were hanging all over the bride. we weren't sure exactly who was going to consummate what among them....

jillie said...

OMG...those are just too funny! Just goes to show you WHY I won't get married...not now and not ever. I don't want to have some freak accident happen to me. Yeah, I know...so I fell off a curb and messed up my ankle...that's different...LMAO!!!!

Great TMI g-man xo

G-Man said...

I know Limey, not all TMI material is happy stuff....But YOU are happy stuff!!! xoxoxox

Jillie, not all honeymoons are like this!
But you will never know will you?
You are up early Miss Jildo!!

MilkMaid said...

My goodness, Eva Braun was a little dramatic, doncha think? hee hee....we both passed out from sheer exhaustion, but made up for it the next week in Acapulco. :)

MilkMaid said...

ps G, my blog isn't the only one being whipped by IE, but I haven't found any answers yet and you know, Blogger is about like that shitty Yahoo about doing anything about their issues. Damn free crap LOL

Download the BEST browser, FireFox and come see me. xxoo

Serena Joy said...

LOL! Those are reasons enough for me to never in my right mind do the matrimonial march again.:-)

Littlewing said...

ROTFLMAO!!!!!!!!!!!

You made my day G!!!!!!

And also proved my point!!!!!!

Snow White said...

Maybe if I ever get married again I'll just skip the honeymoon! LOL Great post!

Charles said...

How would you feel if you'd just married one of the worst monsters in history? Eva Braun just messed up when she administered the poison. I hope.

Hope your day is going well.

DarkAngel said...

My ex hubby's best friend couldn't have sex on his honeymoon because of an injury at his bachelor party, the night before his wedding. It appears he and his best friend's younger brother were drunk and doing karate moves, acting like they were fighting each other. Jimmy kicked James and James ended up in the ER at 4am explaining to a doctor how he got kicked in the balls. The doc said no sex for 2-4 weeks ... Stephanie was PISSED!!!

evalinn said...

This kind of stuff makes me glad I´m not married :-)

Are u ever gonna pick up your prize from last week...?

EBEZP said...

Well the number of weddings we do were I work where because of mainly drink I must say the honeymoons start with the bride and groom leaving seperately doesn't paint a good picture of modern honeymoons.

MONA said...

LMAO!! I am laughing at tragedies of such magnitude!!!

Shame on me!

Well I remember one of my doctor friends [ gynecologist] telling me that a couple once came to them & complained of infertility of the woman. She was administerd hormones etc. for days to get her pregnant but to no avail. Finally , on interrogation it was revealed that for months they had thought that the 'seed was to be sown' through her navel!

SeaRabbit said...

Hummm... On my wedding night, I watched "Oliver Twist" on TV... after the thing that wasn't anything new, btw...
One of my cousin had a new husband dying of heart attack just after the party... ;-(( Yes... some people have it quite hard!

Breazy said...

Goodness, I wonder how bad Effie's pubic hair was for it to turn him completely off? LOL!

Thanks for all the info, hope all is going well!

xoxo

snowelf said...

Good evening, Galen.

Guess who's grandfather was a cousin to Eva Braun?
Oh yea...

What a post!!! We could add my honeymoon to the list, but it was a long time ago and I'm so over it.
At any rate, I hope YOURS was perfect! I plan on getting it right the second time. :)

--snow

Lime, you totally cracked me up with your first comment!

Mona!! Oh my goodness!! That poor couple! Imagine the surprise they had when they got it correct! :)

SignGurl said...

G! You have inspired me to post my honeymoon story. Mine wasn't quite as climatic as Hitler's though.

G-Man said...

MilkMaid...I have been trying to comment on your post for a week...
I'M NON-PLUSSED!!!

Serena Joy,
Shackin up is OK!!!

JD, Glad you liked it!!

Snowwhite, I don't think that you will skip any honeymoon...Hehehehe xox

Charles, I think that Eva was living in a dream world...
Thanks for stopping by again...

Jesus Angel, who kicked him in his balls..Bruce Lee?
Thanks for stopping by sweetie xoxox

Evalinn, I stopped by and collected my prize, you Rock Girl!!!

G-Man said...

Simon,
I'm sure that happens everywhere...Thanks for stopping by...

Mona, I hope that her navel was not an "outie"!
Glad you got a chuckle out of this...xoxox

Jo..? Oliver Twist??
Thats not much of a porn movie is it?
xoxoxox

Breazy, I think he liked the "other side" a little bit better!!!
Nice to see you sweetie..

Snowelf....You are related to Eva Braun?
Thats crazy!!!
On my honeymoon, we went to Niagara Falls...Both were great!!!

G-Man said...

Signgurl, Thanks for making me #1 again, on your blog!!!
I do love you...xoxox

Queenie said...

I found that so interesting, mind you I always said that my son was a bit of a prat. Fancy reading poems, when he should have been!!!!!!!!!!!

G-Man said...

Queenie, glad you liked it...Whats a prat?
I get an English Lesson whenever you visit....
I love it too...xoxox

Queenie said...

Prat-means -stupid, idiot, waste of space or alians zapped him with a stupidity gun twice. An example of how the dinosaurs survived for millions of years with walnut sized brains. Get it????

Top cat said...

Velly interesting!
Well at least Atilla had 11 good honeymoons.

Didn't Effie Gray ever hear of scissors or bikini wax?..geeeeesh!

Kellogg was a certified loonie, nuff said!

Good stuff g-man.:)
tc

Cazzie!!! said...

I love these posts Galen, LOL.
Our honeymoon, we had it 6 years after we got married. we had our won business and had contracts to tend to, so we went on business as usual the next Monday after the wedding.

MONA said...

Galen! Good morning! How are you today?

G-Man said...

Yes, I get it now!!
Thanks Queenie..xoxox

Thanks TC,
I'm now wondering how bad her cooter may have really looked..

Cazzie,
With 4 children, I'm so glad you have been making up for it ever since...Thanks sweetie xo

Charles said...

2-4 weeks, isn't that about the time it takes to cure some STDs?

S said...

Too funny!