Thursday, December 28, 2006

Oh, Sweet Mysteries Of Life

Enough of the Christmas stuff already. Let's explore some mysteries of life..........

Why is it that you can be standing in line at Starbucks or Borders from 2 to 10 minutes, waiting and waiting and waiting for your cup of inspiration, and EVERY person waits till they get to the counter to read the frickin' menu? What have you been doing for the last 10 minutes?
It's coffee! Sure you got your decaf, you got your latte', you got your expresso, you got your cappucinno, you got your mocha, you got your double mocha latte' with no foam....but it's coffee.
Is it your first time in a coffee house? Order and go!

Why is it that when someone finds out you like pro wrestling, the first thing out of their mouth is, 'you know it's fake don't you'! REALLY? You mean you can't still walk upright after getting clocked in the head with a sledge hammer? You can't see if you get your eyes gouged out?
I've been going to wrestling matches since the days of Bobo Brazil, and Leaping Larry Chene, and Haystack Calhoun. It's sports entertainment!. Paul Newman's been killed many times, but he's still alive.

Why is it that people look so perplexed when you hand them a 2.00 bill? First of all they examine it like it was a 100. They call the MGR over to see if it's real.Then they can't figure out which cash drawer to put it in. I carry 2's around on purpose, just to jack with the clerks. I've been using them for years, I ask for them at the bank.
The greatist asset of a 2.00 bill is 'titty-bars'. In the dark they look like a 20, then you get a REAL great dance...Hell, then they don't know who the cheap bastard was until they've counted their tips at 3:00 AM....SCORE!

Why is it that when a man farts, the first thing outta his wifes mouth is..PIG!
But if a woman passes gas, she holds her stomach and say's 'tummy ache'.
Yeah, I got a loud tummy ache....but it just got better!

Why is it that people feel the need to walk around in a store jabbering out loud on a 'blue-tooth'?
In a car, on the road, it's safe and a God-Send. But in public it's irritating to listen in on other peoples drivel. What's wrong with..'I'M sorry, can I call you right back'? Do they need to feel that important? Besides it just looks STUPID!!!

Whew, I feel MUCH better. Have a Happy New Year ...from the G-Man

24 comments:

jillie said...

So was that YOU that stuck all of those cheap ass $2 bills in my g-string?? HAHAHA...good one. I hear you about the coffee...ummmmm...you've been here before...order it and get on with it! I am however guilty of the phone in the store but I don't have a blue tooth but I do have a hands free and don't like to talk on them too much because I don't think my business is everyone else's...am I right? LMAO

lime said...

i don't drink coffee. i don't own a blue tooth. i can only remmeber as far back as jimmy 'superfly' snuka and the amazing samoans but i thought his move jumping off the ropes was great fun. how do you feel about the golden sacagewea dollar coins? and according to my hubby women don't ever have flatulence. i think we are just expected to explode violently in a blaze of glory at age 40.

jillie said...

Hey Galen...what do you mean where am I? lol...you crack me up!

G-Man said...

Jillie,
Believe me when I say this, YOU would have got a real 20!

Lime,
Love the Sacageweas, hate the Susan B's, look too much like quarters. I know you have NEVER broke wind!

Thank you both.

Manny said...

Someone needs a hug!

Years back when I would go to all male reviews, my friends and I would tear our dollars in half, roll them up, and stick them in. Driving off we would have the best laugh just picturing them in the back wearing their undies and trying to match their dollars up.
Ahhhhhhhh ah ah ah ah

I love the $2.00 bill. I also collect silver certificates. I guess our age is showing here.

Manny said...

I hope you are a Buckeye!

Kristen said...

Very good end of the year rant.

Happy NEW YEAR!!!!

G-Man said...

You are a Man-Mistreater.
A Buckeye? Why would you POSSIBLY think that heresy?
But I am a Manny fan...thanks.


Kristen, I've just visited your HNT for the 6th time, I guess I am officially a perv..Thanks

Happy New Year to you both!

JQ said...

You sell cars?

jillie said...

Galen you're a nut! Where's my coffee???

Manny...that is too damn funny!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

G-Man said...

JQ, yes I do, thanks for asking.
And thank you for visiting.

Jillie, I would be your coffee bitch anyday!

JQ said...

Do you sell Hummers? I want a Hummer.

JQ said...

Vermont sucks!

gab said...

Well you sure made my day today. I laughed so hard I thought I'd P*** These are my feeling excatally!

JQ said...

What feelings?

Jodes said...

I think I better go get some 2 dollar bills.....I agree on the coffee thing. have a good day my man.

G-Man said...

Gale,
My goal in life is to make you pee your pants.

JQ, I love hummers also! But I sell Chevy's..How can you hate Vermont? Maple syrup, cheese, maple syrup, cheese, maple....I see your point....JQ???

Jodes, Welcome home safely honey..

jillie said...

Galen...are you going to come out and play or stay in and work all day ;o)

Oh or are you getting me my coffee beoch...LMAO

Oceansearabbit said...

Hi G-man... Thank you for you so kind comment... the reason why you didn't see your comment from yesterday is that you didn't make it on my Blogger blog... but on the WordPress blog... Please, considere my Blogger as a dead blog... the new one will be much better... ;-)
SeaRabbit

G-Man said...

Searabbit, welcome to the wonderful world of blogdom!
Thanks for visiting, you are always welcome...Galen

Strumpet said...

Galen,

You need to visit a Starbucks in the city. It's a whole different experience. Every one of us has our drink ordering in sync with the Starbucks lingo just to move things along. There are ALWAYS two cashiers, two order-takers, two baristas and one person manning the baked goods section. The order takers have the orders already started with the baristas up to about five people deep in-line before you even get close to the register. If they get to someone who doesn't know what they want....they skip over you! You can walk into a line at a Starbucks here with twenty people in it and STILL be out in about four minutes. I kid you not. They're one well-oiled fucking machine.

I'll have a tall non-fat Tazo green tea latte, please!

Yum.

Actually, they know me. I don't even have to order. Only when I visit one that I am not in everyday.

As far as the fucking two-dollar bill thing. They're a pain in my fucking ass, smartass. You can keep your two-dollar bills for yourself if you like them so much. And, please tip people who are providing a service for you and doing it well, appropriately, or else...don't go out seeking the service. Especially if it's some hotass chick shakin' her titties for you to get your jollies off of! You tip them two dollars? With a two dollar bill?? Do you think this is cute? Watch porn! No tip required!!

You know what you CAN use your two-dollar bill for? To tip the wonderful Starbucks employees with. They'll just toss it right back into the register for two singles and that two dollar bill will go right back to the fucking bank with the night's drop.... until YOU come around asking for them again.

Two dollar bills are for treasured keepsakes from your grandparents or some shit.

I much prefer the more widely accepted types of currency.

I feel the same way about fucking hundred dollar bills and fifties.

People think they are high rollin' pimps if they pay with a hundred.

It's the worst tippers and the worst types of people that pay with that crap. And it's a pain in the ass to make change for one. When the bank asks you how you want your cash...ask for twenties. No counterfeit pen required.

If you want to make your date think your a rockstar, pay with an Amex black.

Sorry, I had to put my two cents in.

Another no-no...don't leave coin. I guess it could've been worse, Galen...you could've said that you throw lucky pennies at the lovely dancing naked chicks.

As for wrestling....

I've always wanted to make it with a Mexican wrestler as long as he keeps the mask and cape ON.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

G-Man said...

Strumpet, I have a 2 in my pocket with your name on it.
..and I hear green tea makes a fine enema...xoxoxo

Strumpet said...

Green tea makes a fine enema?

Really?....


Green tea rocks for many reasons.

That one I did not know.

Thank you, Galen.

I'll have to try that sometime.

Top cat said...

Wow! I've been so busy I missed this.
Good post Galen. Funny stuff!
Leaping Larry Chene, I thought I was the only one who remembered him.They used to show those matches on Saturday from WXYZ.
Of course there was the legendary Dick the Bruiser too.

I don't think I've ever seen a $2 bill, I would get freaked out I think.
I love the new colored bills tho.

Love the passing gas comment.
tc