Wednesday, February 28, 2007
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
Bottoms up!!
So I'm talking to my daughter about boozin, and I tell her like all parents do..
"Be careful, I dont want you to go through life being drunk and stupid"! And she says that sounded like a line from Animal House. And I said , "it is, but that's still good advice, and I do know a little about drunks". And then she asked exactly what I do know. I then said.......
According to the Bible, Noah was the first person to get drunk!
King Scorpian I of Egypt was such a lush, that his body was entombed with over 700 bottles of resin infused hooch to ease his journey into the afterlife.
The great philospher Socrates would get so wasted, that long after his students left the symposium he would continue to lecture.....alone!
The Macedonian King Alexander The Great, was infamous for his marathon drinking sessions. His best "friend" Hephaestion, died after chugging a 1/2 gallon of wine for breakfast.Alexander himself, died after a drinking contest at age 32.
Pope Benedict XII was such a boozer that the phrase "drunk as a Pope" became popular in his lifetime.
SelimII, Sultan of the Ottomans, was also known as Selim the SOT! He could drink a bottle of Cypress Wine without drawing a breath. In fact, when he ran out of his favorite Cypress wine once, he invaded Cypress and massacred 30,000 people in the process!
The great composer Beethoven, died of hepatic cirrhosis of the liver at age 57. Just before he died he cheerily announced.."Wine is both necessary, and good for me.."
President Andrew Johnson was such a drunk, that he missed his own inaugural address. When the Chief Justice was sent to tell him that Lincoln was dead and he was President, He was so drunk that he passed out after taking the oath of office, and had to be carried to the WhiteHouse.
Prime Minister Winston Churchill of England, started each morning with a glass of Riesling.
Then kept topping it off with whiskey until bed time. And although it wrecked his health, he used to brag, "I have taken more out of alcohol, than alcohol has taken out of me"...
So I finished my tutorial ranting by saying....."Now, let that be a lesson to you!"
She chuckled aloud and said...."Ok Daddy, I'll be careful." She hasn't disappointed me yet..
Peace...............Galen
"Be careful, I dont want you to go through life being drunk and stupid"! And she says that sounded like a line from Animal House. And I said , "it is, but that's still good advice, and I do know a little about drunks". And then she asked exactly what I do know. I then said.......
According to the Bible, Noah was the first person to get drunk!
King Scorpian I of Egypt was such a lush, that his body was entombed with over 700 bottles of resin infused hooch to ease his journey into the afterlife.
The great philospher Socrates would get so wasted, that long after his students left the symposium he would continue to lecture.....alone!
The Macedonian King Alexander The Great, was infamous for his marathon drinking sessions. His best "friend" Hephaestion, died after chugging a 1/2 gallon of wine for breakfast.Alexander himself, died after a drinking contest at age 32.
Pope Benedict XII was such a boozer that the phrase "drunk as a Pope" became popular in his lifetime.
SelimII, Sultan of the Ottomans, was also known as Selim the SOT! He could drink a bottle of Cypress Wine without drawing a breath. In fact, when he ran out of his favorite Cypress wine once, he invaded Cypress and massacred 30,000 people in the process!
The great composer Beethoven, died of hepatic cirrhosis of the liver at age 57. Just before he died he cheerily announced.."Wine is both necessary, and good for me.."
President Andrew Johnson was such a drunk, that he missed his own inaugural address. When the Chief Justice was sent to tell him that Lincoln was dead and he was President, He was so drunk that he passed out after taking the oath of office, and had to be carried to the WhiteHouse.
Prime Minister Winston Churchill of England, started each morning with a glass of Riesling.
Then kept topping it off with whiskey until bed time. And although it wrecked his health, he used to brag, "I have taken more out of alcohol, than alcohol has taken out of me"...
So I finished my tutorial ranting by saying....."Now, let that be a lesson to you!"
She chuckled aloud and said...."Ok Daddy, I'll be careful." She hasn't disappointed me yet..
Peace...............Galen
Monday, February 26, 2007
Hands Across The Water.........
My daughter is in her junior year in college. She attends U/M in Ann Arbor, but is spending the entire school year as an exchange student in Prague Czech Republic. My Veryzon service allows me to call her for 20 cents a minute, so we speak often. And more often than not, when I do reach her, she is sitting in some sidewalk cafe' drinking beer for 50 cents a glass! She is only 20, but the legal drinking age is 18, so according to her it's OK. I'm not really cool with this but what the hell, I can't slap her. She claims that beer is cheeper than water anyway, and she is on a strict budget, so she is saving money by drinking beer! ......Now I've had many reasons in my life to be very proud of my daughter, but honest to God, to actually say that with a straight face to your overly-protective father? Thats my baby!!
Now with that in mind, I was watching a Travel Channel program on the Czech Republic last week, and they claimed that the country with the highest per/capita beer consumption in the world was...........The Czech Republic!! I thought HOLY SHIT how much beer are you drinking, to drink more than an Aussi, or a German, or a Canadian for Christ sake? Listen, I went to grad school at the University of Windsor in Ontario, and we had 3 pubs on campus alone. We had many Aussi students attending there, and let me tell you they can Pound Them Down! So if a Czech drinks more than those guys, they must certainly deserve that honor. I'm going somewhere with this story folks so please be patient, but you know it's kinda late and I am tired, so I think I'll save my destination until tomorrow...........Sorry.....Galen
Now with that in mind, I was watching a Travel Channel program on the Czech Republic last week, and they claimed that the country with the highest per/capita beer consumption in the world was...........The Czech Republic!! I thought HOLY SHIT how much beer are you drinking, to drink more than an Aussi, or a German, or a Canadian for Christ sake? Listen, I went to grad school at the University of Windsor in Ontario, and we had 3 pubs on campus alone. We had many Aussi students attending there, and let me tell you they can Pound Them Down! So if a Czech drinks more than those guys, they must certainly deserve that honor. I'm going somewhere with this story folks so please be patient, but you know it's kinda late and I am tired, so I think I'll save my destination until tomorrow...........Sorry.....Galen
Saturday, February 24, 2007
Don't Bug Me!
Hello everyone, I hope you are all feeling well this week-end. Myself, I was a bit under the weather on Friday. I even called in sick which is a rarity for me to do. I think it was a 24 hr virus, since I feel much better today. Thanks to all that wished me well, and offered advice toward a speedy recovery. Of course I didn't barf, but I did expel much body matter.
Much body matter! Projectile expulsion of much body matter! And often!
Since even I don't want to hear any more about that subject, that doe's give me the segue' into my educational post of the week. Wonderous facts about the Human Condition............
The average adult stool weighs about 4 ounces. About 1/2 of that bulk comprises of the dead bodies of bacteria that live in your intestines.
Your mouth produces about one quart of saliva a day.
You have approximately 4000 wax glands in each ear.
The average male foot exudes about a 1/2 pint of sweat a day.
The average person will pass about 11,000 gallons of urine in their lifetime.
If it weren't for the slimy mucous that clings to and lines the walls of your gut, your stomach would readily digest itself.
A complete human skeleton is worth about 5000-7500 dollars to a medical student. The skull alone is worth only 450 bucks.
"Demodex Folliculorum" has 8 stumpy legs and a tail, is about 1/3 of a millimeter long, and lives in the oily reserves of hair folliculs. Mostly on the head, but also on your eyelashes and nipples.
Most adult humans have this mite.
And all in all the human body comprises enough fat to make 7 bars of soap. Enough iron to make a medium nail. Enough potassium to explode a toy cannon. Enough lime to white wash a small chicken coup. Enough sugar to fill a small jam jar. And enough sulfur to rid a dog of fleas.
And you thought you were just a hank of hair and a piece of bone, and was a walkin talkin, honey-comb!....G-Mans Educational post of the week. Peace!
Much body matter! Projectile expulsion of much body matter! And often!
Since even I don't want to hear any more about that subject, that doe's give me the segue' into my educational post of the week. Wonderous facts about the Human Condition............
The average adult stool weighs about 4 ounces. About 1/2 of that bulk comprises of the dead bodies of bacteria that live in your intestines.
Your mouth produces about one quart of saliva a day.
You have approximately 4000 wax glands in each ear.
The average male foot exudes about a 1/2 pint of sweat a day.
The average person will pass about 11,000 gallons of urine in their lifetime.
If it weren't for the slimy mucous that clings to and lines the walls of your gut, your stomach would readily digest itself.
A complete human skeleton is worth about 5000-7500 dollars to a medical student. The skull alone is worth only 450 bucks.
"Demodex Folliculorum" has 8 stumpy legs and a tail, is about 1/3 of a millimeter long, and lives in the oily reserves of hair folliculs. Mostly on the head, but also on your eyelashes and nipples.
Most adult humans have this mite.
And all in all the human body comprises enough fat to make 7 bars of soap. Enough iron to make a medium nail. Enough potassium to explode a toy cannon. Enough lime to white wash a small chicken coup. Enough sugar to fill a small jam jar. And enough sulfur to rid a dog of fleas.
And you thought you were just a hank of hair and a piece of bone, and was a walkin talkin, honey-comb!....G-Mans Educational post of the week. Peace!
Friday, February 23, 2007
SignGurl Rocks!!!
Well wasn't that special? The unveiling of The G-Man! I'm not very experianced at this HNT crap, so a big shout out to the perky and too cute for words Jodi Girl, for reminding me once again that it's time to post new. And folks, all of this was made possible by the beautiful, talented, charming, and ever shrinking Jenn, aka SignGurl. Jenn has a huge Heart of Gold and helps all of us that are in dire need. Manny can attest to that also. Everyone that knows Jenn loves her dearly, and I can't imagine a day without her. She gave me the courage and inspiration to do the previous post and I'll always be at her service.
I wasn't really scared to post a picture of myself, I just didn't know how to go about it. Maybe you CAN teach an old dog new tricks! And speaking of old, there are some tell-tale signs of aging that maybe you should be aware of.....
YOU MIGHT BE GETTING OLD IF.......
When you were in school, there was NO History!
Your Social Security number is 000-oo-0006.
Getting a little 'action' means you don't need fiber today.
Getting 'lucky' means you find your car in the parking lot.
An All-Nighter means not getting up to piss.
Going Bra-Less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.
You change your underwear after every sneeze.
You DON'T care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along!
Some of your favorite games might be....
SAG, your it!
Hide and go...pee.
20 Questions.........Shouted into your good ear!
Musical recliners.
Pin the Toupee on the bald guy.
Red Rover, Red Rover..The nurse says bend over!
Kick the Bucket!!
Are you happy now Jodi?.....Peace.........Galen
I wasn't really scared to post a picture of myself, I just didn't know how to go about it. Maybe you CAN teach an old dog new tricks! And speaking of old, there are some tell-tale signs of aging that maybe you should be aware of.....
YOU MIGHT BE GETTING OLD IF.......
When you were in school, there was NO History!
Your Social Security number is 000-oo-0006.
Getting a little 'action' means you don't need fiber today.
Getting 'lucky' means you find your car in the parking lot.
An All-Nighter means not getting up to piss.
Going Bra-Less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.
You change your underwear after every sneeze.
You DON'T care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along!
Some of your favorite games might be....
SAG, your it!
Hide and go...pee.
20 Questions.........Shouted into your good ear!
Musical recliners.
Pin the Toupee on the bald guy.
Red Rover, Red Rover..The nurse says bend over!
Kick the Bucket!!
Are you happy now Jodi?.....Peace.........Galen
Thursday, February 22, 2007
Wednesday, February 21, 2007
KEYBOARD! I NEED A KEYBOARD!
What if everyone gave up blogging for lent? It appears that some residents of Chicago already have. But could you do it? Could you give up this addiction? Lets see, shall we? I'll start.....
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