Mr. Knowitall

Anybody got a Ricola?......

2012-01-29T20:17:00.003-05:00

I've been very low key Web wise this past week.
Last Sunday during a sneezing spasm I felt a POP!
It felt like I ripped a muscle or cracked a rib on
my left side. After suffering excrutiating pain whenever
I coughed or even breathed hard, I finally dragged my
sorry ass to Urgent Care on Wednesday. They took 2 X-Rays
and said there was no breaks, but I just had to 'tough it out'.
He gave me a script for these horse pills called Nepranal, and
sent me on my way. I'm somewhat better, but I feel a
constant ache. Please bear with me for a few days...
I'll be back soon.

Nyuh-Uh-Ahhhhhh.....

2012-01-28T20:39:00.003-05:00

Before Sponge-Bob Square-Pants
Before Scooby-Doo
Before Speed Racer...
There was Rocky and Bullwinkle, Beanie and Cecil, Tom Terrific...
Can You name more than TWO of these Cartoon Villains of Yore?
If you can?
HA!!!
You are covered up right now with a Fleece or Afgan, and you are
thinking about trimming your nasal hair...
Have a Restful Sunday.

Flash Friday 55...

2012-01-26T20:00:00.001-05:00

How could I have been so STUPID?
What a fucking idiot!!
But whenever we talked on the phone, he sounded
sooo sexy. His voice became raspy,
his breathing became heavy....
Now he'll probably NEVER speak to me again!
Why did I send him those naked pix?
*
The Moral of This Story...?
Don't confuse Asthma...With Passion!!!

If you or anyone you know has written a Friday Flash 55
Please come tell The G-Man
I will visit, read, enjoy, comment....Then BOOK!!!
So from the most Asthmatic host from coast to coast
Have a Kick Ass Week-End!!!

Thursday Portrait.....

2012-01-25T20:00:00.000-05:00

Look into my Eye
You are under My Power
Thursday 8:00 PM EST
Be There!!!!!

Haiku Wednesday.....

2012-01-24T20:00:00.000-05:00

Joyous, Vibrant Life...
Now, a fading silhouette.
Going...Going...Gone!!

Is it Wednesday? Do you Haiku? Yes?
Then post one on your Blog, and visit Jenn at...
Sensational Haiku Wednesday!
This weeks Theme is...Silhouette.
Hurry, Time is running out!!

TMI Tuesday....

2012-01-23T20:00:00.000-05:00

How many of us out there in Blog Land don't like
something for the strangest reasons?
I have a Co-Worker that refuses to watch a Tom Cruise
movie because Tom's a devout Scientologist, and he
jumped up on Oprah's couch acting goofy. We kind of
got into a heated discussion about how silly that was
until I realized that I have the very same attitude
about Adam Sandler. I refuse to go to any of his movies
(Except Happy Gilmour, that was funny!) because he speaks
in an irritating little boy voice all the time.
That got me to thinking.....
I actually am prejudicial toward a few other things as well!

White Christmas: Bing Crosby's version gives me the creeps
because whenever I hear his voice, I think of his children
cowering in fear of getting beat with a belt when he was home.

Mung Beans: I will NOT eat Mung Beans, because it sounds like Bung!

Corona Beer: A few years back there was an Urban Legend
going around that there were photo's of Mexican brewery workers
all pissing in vats of Corona destined for export too the USA.
So I drink Dos Equis XX!!

Menudo: No matter how good it may be...It contains Tripe!

Pepto Bismol: You only have the need to take it, if you are
feeling like you're gonna hurl. So to me it's tantamount
with Puking. And we all know how I feel about THAT subject!
(I HATE puke and all talk of Puke!!!)

Do any of you good peeps care to share a prejudice?
All this Foul subject matter is making Mr. Knowitall
grow weary...Bon Soir!
(Oh yeah, The French........)

Lazy Monday.....

2012-01-22T20:05:00.002-05:00

Help a Brother out...
Using the above inspirational pics
Write my post for me today.
In one paragraph...Or One sentence...Or One word.

Question....

2012-01-21T18:59:00.003-05:00

So....
It's more acceptable to ask your wife for
an Open Marriage, than it is to hide taxable
income in the Caymans?
I'm not condoning either choice, I'm just asking...
How could this issue have POSSIBLY propelled Newt
to the forefront? Are people amazed by the fact that
he could even get a chick at all?
Maybe Newt plays Enigma CD's when doing the Wild Thing?
Poor Mitt.... He needs to get a REAL vice!!!

Friday Flash 55.....

2012-01-19T20:00:00.001-05:00

(In a dimly lit room, someone's fate is being discussed.)
"That fat bastard knows too much, perhaps he needs to be
Illuminated. (As soon as the word left his mouth, every head
at the meeting turned to the speaker.)...er ELIMINATED!
Sorry, Freudian slip. Lets find out a little more about this...
Mr. Knowitall!"

I knew it!!!! Damn that da Vinci and his cryptic obsessions!
If you or anyone you know has written a Friday Flash 55..
Please come tell The G-Man!
I will visit, read, enjoy, comment...Then BOOK!!!
So from the most Illuminated host from coast to coast
Have a Kick Ass Week-End!!!

Thursday Portrait.....

2012-01-18T20:00:00.002-05:00

Did Dan Brown miss something?
Renaissance Scholars using High Resolution photography,
have uncovered yet another mystery surrounding Leonardo
da Vinci. It seems that an extreme close up of Mona Lisa's
eye reveals the artists initials minutely imbedded.
With all the Illuminati stuff already associated with Leo,
did he really have to transcend into MY world and get ME
associated with those FREAKS?
How you may ask? What are his initials...?
LV.....Fucking LV!!!!!!!
And what is the English equivilent of LV from Roman Numerals?
You can guess that answer....
See you Thursday 8:00 PM EST....Pax Vobiscum!

Haiku Wednesday...

2012-01-17T20:00:00.000-05:00

Some...Like the Breaststroke
Others...Prefer the Backstroke
I do the Freestyle!!

Is it Wednesday? Do You Haiku? Yes...?
Then post one on your blog and go tell Jenn at..
Sensational Haiku Wednesday!!
This weeks Theme is...Freestyle!

TMI Tuesday.....

2012-01-16T20:00:00.000-05:00

Hi Everybody.
Today we are going to discuss some of the many uses of Vodka.
It's NOT just for Martini's and Screwdrivers ya know!

* Cooking with Vodka*
This recipe' goes PERFECTLY with all types of Food and Cooking.
Take a shot glass.
Fill it with Premium vodka such as Absolute, Stoli, Grey Goose, etc.
Slug it down!!
Open your frozen Banquet Beef/Chicken/Turkey Pot Pie.
Micro-Wave on high for Five minutes.
Enjoy!!!!

*Cleaning rusty tools and bolts with Vodka*
Take any bottle of Vodka.
Carefully look all around to make sure no one is watching.
Gulp down several Glugs until you can feel it coming back up.
Put the rusty objects in a basin
Cover with Coca-Cola.
All rust will disappear within minutes!

*Removing stains with Vodka*
ANY stain (grass, lipstick, puke, ink, bird-shit.)can be removed
by dumping Cheap Vodka onto the stain and rubbing it out!!
(I just LOVE using the phrase 'Rubbing it Out')
Cheap Vodka brands such as Popov, Nikolai, Five-O'clock, work fine.

Vodka also works GREAT for....
Causing Nausea, Causing women to Kiss other women, Going Blind,
Getting arrested, Liver Disease, STD's, Erectile Dysfunction,
Saying and doing VERY stupid shit, Causing the Illusion that No One
can smell that you're Hammered, and On and On and On...

Mr. Knowitall grows weary from all this Vodka talk...Peace!!

Monday Mystery.....?

2012-01-15T20:35:00.003-05:00

Forget about the meaning of Life!
Forget about the gender of God!
Forget about Bigfoot!
Forget about how Brian Miller can make 769 Comments a day!
I wanna know if it's pronounced...
Care-uh-mel...Or Car-mull?
I know how it's spelled, but is the 'A' silent?

Please...I just Got to know!!!
And Dear Peeps...Have a Kick Ass Week!!!

Movie Quote Sunday....

2012-01-14T18:57:00.002-05:00

This is NOT a Quiz!
I repeat...This is NOT a Quiz!

Enjoy...

1.) "What we have here......"

2.) "Eees got a vicious streak a mile long, Ees no ordinry rabbit..."

3.) "Scarlet, you need to be....."

4.) Do you expect me to talk Goldfinger? "No Mr. Bond......"

5.) "Of all the......"

Without warning, I may spew a random movie quote, OR a song
lyric! It may tie into my conversation...Or maybe Not!
It's part of my persona!!!
These are some of my favorites....Piece!

Friday Flash 55.....

2012-01-12T20:00:00.000-05:00

He is kind and considerate, but loves to Shock!
He loves to make others smile.
He listens intently, but rarely talks about himself.
Other's happiness ALWAYS comes before his own.
He cries real tears!
He has always played the cards dealt to him....
But somewhere along the line,
HIS Heart got lost in the shuffle.

Regardless of Gender, we all know someone like this..
Don't we?
If you or anyone you know has written a Friday Flash 55
Please come tell The G-Man
I will visit, read, enjoy, comment....Then BOOK!
So from the most gracious host from coast to coast...
Have a Kick Ass Week-End!!!

Thursday Portrait.....

2012-01-11T20:00:00.001-05:00

Well leave it to Ole G-Man!!
The "Secret" is about to be revealed!
Earlier today, The Great Grandson of Colonel
Harlan Sanders, Corporal Quincey Sanders, finally
succumbed to my incessant Badgering, and passed on to
me the "Secret Spices" that goes into KFC's Original Recipe'.
Supposedly there were only 11 herbs and spices involved, but
according to this document, there is a grand total of,
now get this....55 different Herbs and Spices!!!
Go figure Eh? 55 DIFFERENT ingredients!!
Weird shit like...
Cassia Buds
Dill Weed (hehehehe, alarmingly close to Dick Weed)
Fennel Pollen
Frankincense
Mace
MSG
Orris Root
Fenugreek (Fen-You-Greck)
Well, I know what I'll be munching on at...
Thursday 8:00 PM EST!!!
Be There!!!

Sensational Haiku Wednesday...

2012-01-10T20:00:00.001-05:00

Flashing Brilliance
Beckoning those afflicted....
With Disco Fever!!!

Is it Wednesday? Do you Haiku? Yes...?
Then post one on your Blog, and visit Jenn at..
Sensational Haiku Wednesday!
This weeks 'Theme' is..Brilliance.

I'm Ready Baby, Night Fever Night Fe-Verrr.....

TMI Tuesday.....

2012-01-09T20:00:00.001-05:00

You can act blase'.
You can have a certain Je Ne Sais Quoi.
You can have all the confidence in the world.
But you can NEVER completely shake the Guilt!!
Oh Yeah...Sister Margaret Scarey is STILL watching!
In my case, it's the Purient Smirk.
I can't help it, in my sheltered youth Naughty things
were very exciting to Catholic teens and pre-teens.
So there are certain words,seemingly innocent words, that
always causes me to smirk. The smirk of course is caused
by my mind immediately racing to Double Entendreville!!
Then I become ashamed that I could be so juvenile....
But then again...BFD!!
Tell me these words don't bring more than one image to mind.

Winnebago
Gap
Ramrod
Moist
Crack
Bone
Johnson
Bush/Jungle
Gash
Rubbers
Shrimping...(Look it up, then you'll understand)

I Know...(Offers his open palm to the Rath of the Ruler)

WACK!!! (Damn, I wish she get get rid of that metal-edged one!)

Mr. Knowitall grows weary from all this Guilt...Piece! Hehehehehehe

Quick Survey Monday.....

2012-01-08T19:46:00.003-05:00

OK Peeps...Short and Sweet!
Name me one person that when you see them on the tube,
You immediately reach for the remote...
Because you can't stand them under any circumstances!
(You may use one of the above jerks)
For me...? It's all of these Jack-Asses!!!

Poor Alberts Almanac.....

2012-01-07T20:10:00.002-05:00

OK...This was my front yard January 7, 2012.
I'm in frickin Michigan!!
A Northern state!

NOW DO YOU BELIEVE HIM?

Repent Sinners....REPENT!!!!

Friday Flash 55....

2012-01-05T20:00:00.005-05:00

Holmes....?

"I'm smelling your moustache Watson".

And...?

"You've been with a woman. A French woman that
you met at a dockside pub. I detect the faint aroma
of Lobster, Garlic, and Saffron.....BOUILLABAISSE!!!
The same proportion used at The Smirking EEL!!!"

And the woman...?

"French women rarely bathe...
(Sniff)
Champagne Vinegar...From the Ay Provence"!!!

Who knew Ole Watson gave an occassional Moustache Ride?
If you or anyone you know has written a Friday Flash 55
Please come tell The G-Man
I will visit, read, enjoy, comment....Then BOOK!!!
So from the most investigative host from coast to coast
Have a Kick Ass Week-End!!!!!

Thursday Portrait.....

2012-01-04T20:00:00.003-05:00

Today's portrait isn't of me, but it DOES include
a Michigan Man. For those that may not already know,
in last nights Sugar Bowl, Michigan defeated mighty
Virginia Tech 23-20 in Overtime. The MVP of the game
was Michigan star receiver Junior Hemingway. His TWO
acrobatic touchdown receptions were vital to Michigans
victory. I know that Junior's great grand'pappy' would
have been very proud!
As a child growing up priviledged, Ernest's parents had
a Summer home on Michigan's Walloon Lake near Petosky.
It's in this pristine Outdoorama where 'Pappy' developed
his love for hunting and fishing. It's also where he must have
'dilly-dallied' with the locals, spreading his progeny all
over the place....Hence Junior Hemingway!!
I can see the resemblence, can't you?
As for you other famous writers...Thursday 8:00 PM EST!!!!!!

Wednesday Haiku.....

2012-01-03T20:00:00.001-05:00

I can resolve this.
You didn't carry your naught!
Fancy Cypherin....

Ya know, Jethro DID gradeeate from the 3rd grade!
Is it Wednesday? Do you Haiku? Yes?
Then post one on your Blog, and go visit Jenn at...
Sensational Haiku Wednesday!!
This weeks Theme is...Resolve.

Your 2012 Horoscope....

2012-01-02T20:00:00.000-05:00

Aires.. A good year overall. You will have good luck
financially...Mostly because your spouse will run off
with their 'On-Line Soul-Mate'!!

Libra.. You will find that your role in life will be defined
by Nature. You will be unproductive on Rainy days, be
creative on Sunny days, on Cold Gloomy Depressing days,
you will eat everything in sight, and kick your dog!

Taurus.. An eventful year! You will fall in love, get a
promotion, win the Lottery, develope diverticulitus, need
colon surgery.

Scorpio.. Stop throwing good money after bad!
Dump the VCR, get a DVD...

Gemini.. You will find the ability to make some very profitable
deals! (Until your bank discovers it's error in calculating your
savings balance!)

Sagittarius.. 2012 brings promise and progress. You will be at
your creative best until May....Then, who knows?

Cancer.. Negative thoughts could cause you to develope an ulcer.
So don't worry, Be Happy! Maybe the Feds will add another 13 week
extension to your Unemployment Benefits!

Capricorn.. A very positive and lucky year for you....
You may eat undercooked Pork.
Run with scissors.
Wear no underpants.
Have unprotected sex.

Leo.. You will see an expansion in Status, your Waistline, and your
Credit Card Debt.(Middle Mgmt. ain't all it's cracked up to be is it?)

Aquarius.. You will get a Hernia while carrying a huge load of water!

Virgo.. You will finally start to make things happen on your own
rather than relying on others. (But you will STILL have to report
to your Parole Officer until 2015)

Pisces.. Be wary of people trying to bait you in 2012!!

Mr. Knowitall grows weary of all this 2012 prognosticating...Peace!!

Predictions for 2012.....

2012-01-01T20:00:00.003-05:00

This year The G-Man is collaborating with
the Great Zoltar, for his 2012 Predictions.
These are my...er, OUR predictions for the
coming year....

We Predict:

That Kim K will fall in love with a stunning 6'4"
Transexual Model named Jasmine. They will elope
and remain married for a record 155 Days!!!

That a catastrophy will indeed occur on 12/21/12!
(although the Mayan's did embelish a bit on predictions)
On that day...Tom Cruise AND John Travolta both decide
to come out of the closet!

That Lindsay Lohan will win the Best Actress Oscar
for portraying Eleanor Roosevelt in the Movie...
Delano and El-Ro..A Love Story.

That in an undercover sting by NBC's Dateline, it is
determined that 100% of all Chinese Restaurants do
indeed use MSG in their food. (Regardless of disclaimers)

That Burger King will actually serve a food item that
tastes good enough to eat.

That on at least ONE Friday in 2012, every Friday Flash 55
offered will really be a short story of Flash Fiction, with
a central character, a plot, and EXACTLY 55 words!!!
(But as you know, I accept anything.....Sigh!)

OK Folks....Lets get this show on the road.
2012...Here we Come!!

Bring on 2012......

2011-12-31T17:37:00.004-05:00

I love Blogging!
I love leaving a piece of my warped mind
on a screen for the world to see.
Some stop by every day, some a couple of
times a week. Some once in a Blue Moon!!
It matters not, day in and day out, I will
always 'Endeavor to Persevere'. I especially
love hosting Friday Flash 55...
I see some fantastic pieces of Mini-Literature,
and I feel very fortunate and honoured to be a
part of something so creative, challenging, and FUN!
Thank You one and all for visiting, commenting, teasing,
challenging, chastising, and supporting me in 2011.
It is my deepest desire to always bring a smile..:-)
So from The Haynes Boyz, Galen and Reese....CHEERS!!!!!
And...
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!!!!!

Friday Flash 55.....

2011-12-29T20:00:00.001-05:00

Betty Ford...Geraldine Ferraro
Mohmar Quadaffi...? Very Bizzaro!
Amy's Soul, was finally set free
Macho Man Savage Hit a Tree!
Clarence Clemmons blew his last refrain
Fitness Guru...Jack LaLane
Adios Matt Dillon, Ditto Dr. Death
Jackie Cooper, Peter Falk, and Darling Elizabeth!
Andy Rooney, Steve Jobs, Joe Frazier too...
Osama Bin Laden...Fuck You!

Time....Marches On!!!
If you or anyone you know has written a Friday Flash 55
Please come tell The G-Man
I will visit, read, enjoy, comment....Then BOOK!
So from the most grateful to be alive host from coast to coast
Have a Kick Ass New Year....
Happy New Year Everybody!!!!!!!

Thursday Portrait.....

2011-12-28T20:00:00.001-05:00

The clean shaven, well groomed, G-Man!!!

My buddy Greg shot a deer Friday with his Muzzle-Loader,
and graciously offered me the ribs and front shoulder.
I'm fairly skilled with a blade, and in no time trimmed
and deboned the carcass to a neatly trimmed pile of venison
stew meat. You wanna know how much? About 5.5 pounds.....
Really...5.5 pounds!!
See you 8:00 PM Thursday, EST.
The last 55 of 2011...

Wednesday Haiku.....

2011-12-27T20:00:00.002-05:00

I missed the whole year?
Luckily, I can adjust....
The Review Mirror!

Is it Wednesday? Do You Haiku? Yes?
Then post one on your blog, and visit Jenn at...
Sensational Haiku Wednesday!
This weeks Theme is...Review.
hehehehehe...

TMI...Whatever Happened to...?

2011-12-26T20:00:00.002-05:00

Hi Everybody, Mr. Knowitall here.....
I bet you've asked yourself many times;
"Whatever happened to Eddie Munster"?

Born Butch Patrick in Pearisberg Virginia circa 1952,
Butch began his television career as a Marionette in the old
childrens TV series Howdy Doody. He was a Summer replacement
as Flub-A-Dub in 1959. He then landed a starring role as Eddie
Munster in the TV series...The Munsters.
After that show was cancelled in the 60's, he knocked around
Hollywood for a while but wasn't having any luck until he
decided to change his name to...Steven Seagal!!
The job offers started pouring in! He usually played tough cops
that knew Karate, had an arsenal of secret weapons, and always
ran like a girl while chasing perps..
Because he closely paid attention to his craft, he later became
a real Lawman, and had his own reality show...Steven Seagal Lawman!
He later played a cook in a couple of movies, and that led to a
very successful career as a celebrity chef. He was such a good
cook, that he gained about 90# in a year! After the chef gig didn't
pan out too well, He tried becoming a Rock Star, but his excessive
food demands for each concert became too much of a hassle for
Promoters (A bowl of M&M's with ONLY the brown ones left in, 1969
Dom Perignon, KFC Extra-Crispy, NO meat, just the skin!).
Steven/Butch is currently staring as Jabba the Hut, in the Musical Revival
of Star Wars Boogie Woogie, now in it's 89th straight week at the
Holiday Inn Express in Oxnard California.
Mr. Knowitall grows weary....Peace!

Happy Boxing Day.....

2011-12-25T21:00:00.000-05:00

2011-12-24T21:07:00.001-05:00

Friday Flash 55.....

2011-12-22T20:00:00.002-05:00

The energetic bell ringer smiled and repeatedly
shouted..."Thank You and Merry Christmas", to all
that spared what change they could.
At the day's end, The Bucket's tally was $550.55!!
Smiling..He texted his BOSS; Quota Satisfied, by 55 Cents,
Awaiting Further Instructions!
(within seconds, the reply text)
'Sheath your sword Michael, Armageddon postponed until...
12/21/12'

Thank you everyone that tossed some money into that
random bucket...And helped Save The World!!
If you or anyone you know has written a Friday Flash 55
Please come tell The G-Man
I will visit, read, enjoy, comment...Then BOOK!!
So from the most Ho Ho Holiday Lovin Host from coast to coast
Have a Kick Ass Week-End...
Merry Christmas Everybody!!!!

Thursday Portrait.....

2011-12-21T20:00:00.001-05:00

As I was taking the Equinox that I sold up to
the filling station, I just happened to notice
the mileage on the unit. Now contrary to popular
belief, I do NOT drive these vehicles around until
they hit 55 miles....It's KISMET!!!
I don't make this stuff up folks.
Really!
See you Thursday 8:00 PM EST.
Same Bat Time....Same Bat Channel!!!

Haiku Wednesday...

2011-12-20T20:00:00.001-05:00

Some Good...Some Evil.
Holy or Blythe...It Moves you.
And some..? You Imbibe!!

Is it Wednesday? Do You Haiku? Yes?
Then post one on your Blog and go tell Jenn at..
Sensational Haiku Wednesday!
This weeks Theme is...Spirit!

TMI Tuesday....

2011-12-19T20:37:00.002-05:00

It's all in the way you say it.....

Honey... Could you please clean the Potty today?
('Sure' she says, and does it with a smile)

...But just ask her to grab your Shuttlecock!!
(Ewwwwwwwwwww)

What?

Sunday Musings....

2011-12-18T18:18:00.003-05:00

The Sky seems like it's always gray.
My White Birch stands naked to the wind.
The two things that I love, Grillin and Ridin...?
Gone for the Winter, as the Robins and Retirees!!
People that you love...? Not here!
Amidst the dreary, life struggles to survive.
This 'late to spin' Wooly Bear (Pyrrharctic isabella),
slowly crawls to a dark corner of my garage,
to fashion a sleep chamber before the Deep Freeze.
The next time I see it, hopefully it will look like this..
The Isabella Tiger Moth!!
Have a Cheerful and Joyous Holiday Week Everybody.

Ho Ho Ho......

2011-12-17T20:12:00.002-05:00

A little levity to usher in the week.
The last week before Christmas....
Is all your shopping done?
Be careful amongst the Wild Shoppers.
Pax Vobiscum...

Friday Flash 55.....

2011-12-15T20:00:00.003-05:00

What does...
Santa Claus, Fred McMurray, Albert Einstein,
Douglas MacArthur, Hugh Hefner, Bing Crosby,
Donald "Duck" Dunn (The Bass player for The
Blues Brothers), Lee Van Cleef (The 'Bad' in
The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly), and Sherlock
Holmes(*)...Have in common with Popeye the Sailor?
(They ALL gave the pipe to Olive Oyl)

(*)...NOT the 19th Century Hounds of the
Baskerville Sherlock Holmes. Rather the updated 1940
London Blitz and later, Sherlock Holmes...
If you or anyone you know has written a Friday Flash 55
Please come tell The G-Man
I will visit, read, enjoy, comment...Then BOOK!!!
So from the most Elementary Host from coast to coast
Have a Kick Ass Week-End!!!

Of course you are all too young to remember the Public
Broo Ha Ha of the early 50's, but Albert Einstein DID
in fact have a torrid romance with Olive Oyl. Reportedly
she was distraught over Popeye's clandestine affair with
Betty Boop, and she was determined to exact her revenge.
Einstein, though very smart, rarely bathed, and was said
to have smelled like cheap pipe tobacco, Horehound, and
pissy diapers. Cartoon chicks was all he could get......

Thursday Portrait.....

2011-12-14T20:00:00.000-05:00

...When you're having fun!
Like at 8:00 PM EST Thursdays!

Haiku Wednesday....

2011-12-13T20:00:00.000-05:00

Back Door Misery.
Old-Timers called them....The Piles.
Prepare The Unguent!!!

Is it Wednesday? Do You Haiku? Yes?
Then post one on your blog, and visit Jenn at
Sensational Haiku Wednesday!
This weeks "Theme" is....Preparation.

TMI Tuesday.....

2011-12-12T18:00:00.000-05:00

Always be careful what you wish for....
You just might get it!!

Time Warp Monday.....

2011-12-11T20:37:00.002-05:00

Hi Bird Baths, and welcome to Lunch with Soupy.
Before we eat our delicious Hamburger and Pie,
it's time for our daily, Words of Wisdom!!!
..You can lead a horse to water, but a pencil must be lead!
..Be true to your teeth, and they won't be false to you!
Now Pookie, White Fang, and Black Tooth...Lets eat.

Sorry everyone, but unless you grew up anywhere in Michigan
in the late 50's, or early 60's, this post probably makes
absolutely No Sense to you. But every Saturday afternoon was
Lunch with Soupy and his crazy band of characters.
My Mind regresses....Must be the advanced age!

Hold The Ice Please.....

2011-12-10T21:22:00.004-05:00

Thursday the right side of my face swelled up
like an Aubergine. It seems I developed an absessed
tooth, and my dentist is in Florida. His office called
in a couple of scripts for me and I'm feeling somewhat
better.... I looked like Alvin the Chipmonk!
Happy Birthday to me!
My son got me a 25.00 Tim Horton's gift card.
My friend Lynne got me a Retro Poster calender.
My Closest and Dearest Friend Maggie got me my Favorite
Fragrance, Halston Z-14 and a beautiful E-Card.
Alex forgot my Birthday...
My work made no reference to my day.
I got NO cards in the mail.
My daughter could have sent me an E-Mail but didn't.
I feel like Willie Loman...
Oh well, I've always said that Birthdays and Christmas
is for kids. Have a Kick Ass Week Everybody!

Friday Flash 55.....

2011-12-08T20:00:00.004-05:00

Reminiscent of a scene from "Cheers",
The doomed 50 raised a glass and in unison
shouted 'LEE'.....

HONOLULU(AP) Lee Soucy after surviving the
attack on Pearl Harbor,finally reunited with
his shipmates...70 years later!!
Tuesday, divers placed his ashes through a
port-hole of the sunken USS Utah, where 50 sailors
are forever entombed.

A date that will live in Infamy....
There were only two Battleships that couldn't be raised
and recommishioned...The USS Arizona, and The USS Utah
If you or anyone you know has written a Friday Flash 55
Please come tell The G-Man
I will visit, read, enjoy, comment...Then BOOK!!!
So from the oldest host from coast to coast
Have a Kick Ass Week-End

Thursday Portrait.....

2011-12-07T20:00:00.000-05:00

Left holding the EMPTY bag again!

One of the places that I enjoy visiting when I'm
outta town, is an old fashioned orchard that sells baked
goods and jams and jellies. They also sell Retro Candy!
When I was a youth, one of my favorite candies was called
Squirrel Nut Chews. They are reproduced by the Necco company
as Squirrel Nut Zippers. They are chewy and delicious!
I bought over 3#'s over the week-end, and after passing out
a few handfulls to some appreciative friends, I dumped out the
bag this morning to see how many was left. Much to my chagrin
and propensity for Synchronicity....How many pieces of candy do
you think that I have left? C'Mon guess....
55 perhaps? Hey, count em if you don't believe me...hehehehe
See Ya Thursday 8:00 PM EST.

Haiku Wednesday.....

2011-12-06T20:00:00.000-05:00

Kill, Cut, Stab, Impale...
Nothing else mattered to her.
Alice with four thoughts.

Is it Wednesday? Do you Haiku? Yes?
Then post one on your blog, and visit Jenn at...
Sensational Haiku Wednesday!
This weeks 'Theme' is...Malice.

TMI Tuesday.....

2011-12-05T18:00:00.001-05:00

BZZZZZZZZZZ.....

"Miss Lovelace....." ?

Yes Mr. Knowitall.

"I'd like you to look up a couple of Urban Phrases that
a reader just faxed me".

Um....Mr. Knowitall? These phrases aren't going to make
me puke like the last two you had me look up are they?

"Well....I hope not, but thats why I have a secretary.
Anyway, the phrases are.....
Alaskan Pipeline
Arabian Goggles
Hop on that right away Miss Butterface, I have a Blog Post
to get out by 8:00 tonight!"

(Miss Butterface.....? Why would he call me Butterface?)
(I'd better look THAT up as well....Hmmmmmm)

Sunday 160....

2011-12-03T20:09:00.003-05:00

Goober: Ooooo, lookie yonder. That Nanny Goat is
stuck in that there fence. Damn she looks good. I
wish she was Shania Twain!
Billy-Ray: Maybe, but I wish she was Brittney Spears!
Corn Bread: Hell, I wish it twernt so daylight!

This is Monkey Man's LAST Sunday 160.
Go Thank him for hosting....Here!
I'll be on the road all day Sunday...
Have a Kick Ass Week....G

Friday Flash 55.....

2011-12-01T20:00:00.001-05:00

We survived, Godzilla...Gamera...Mothra.
Now, we face our biggest challenge yet!
Spawned in the depths of the Eisenhower Administration.
Mutated to Biblical Proportions during The Reagan Era.
These Behemoth's of Evil are reeking havoc on our hopes,
our dreams, our way of life, our Historical facts,
our 401K's. There is only one solution.....
DESTROY ALL MONSTERS!!!!!!!

Gojira....? AHHHHHHHHHHH GOJIRA!!!!!!!!!!
If you or anyone you know has written a Friday Flash 55
Please come tell The G-Man
I will visit, read, enjoy, comment, then run off screaming
at the top of my lungs like a little girl!!
So from the most frightened host from coast to coast...
Have a Kick Ass Week-End!!

(Now remember I'm on Vacation, so help a brother out...G)

Thursday Portrait.....

2011-11-30T20:00:00.002-05:00

(What Goes Thru That Boy's Mind?)

Hmmmmmmm.....
The T-Mobile chick!
Really Really young.
Cute dress!
Pale skin.
Nice shoes, she accessorizes well!
Does she paint her nails?
Interesting...
A bit bow legged...(Who cares eh?)
Bare toes...!!
Knobby Knees
I read somewhere that she's 5'5".
She's too innocent for a thong...
Stop it Geester.!!
Get your mind out of the..the....Bare Toes?
5'5"?
8:00 PM Thursday EST...!!!!!

Haiku Wednesday.....

2011-11-29T20:00:00.000-05:00

Dazed...In a Green Fog.
What makes the Heart grow fonder?
He can't remember....

Is it Wednesday? Do you Haiku? Yes?
Then post one on your blog, and go visit Jenn at..
Sensational Haiku Wednesday!!
This weeks theme is....."Absence".
(Shhhhh...Haikus can be Punny)

TMI Tuesday.....

2011-11-28T20:00:00.000-05:00

A Mrs. Robin McCrevice, from Dankishquim Scotland asks...

"Dear Mr. Knowitall, after last weeks disgusting post
about Felching, and two of your followers coming
up with the equally disgusting word Santorum, do you
actually think you can top yourself in the category..
Words That Should NEVER Be Spoken Aloud or Thought Of!! "

Dear Robin....Of course I can!!

Now this isn't One Word per se, but it's a phrase itself
that is so disgustingly VILE, that you will probably
never visit this Blog again.
Are you ready? And don't say I didn't warn you....

"Alabama Hot Pocket"

Mr. Knowitall grows queasy from all this odd fetish talk.
I'm going to go read my new Nine-West catalogue...hehehehe
Peace!!!

Road Trip.....

2011-11-27T21:06:00.004-05:00

I've worked very hard this month.
Everyone seemed to have a place to travel to
over the Holidays but me. The Wolverines ended
A fantastic 8-0 Home Schedule which is now over.
The Christmas Season is upon us.
I need a little "Pre-Christmas" R&R.
There is only one solution...ROAD TRIP!!!!!
I'll be all Pre-Posted, so business as usual.
Have a Kick-Ass Week People!!!

The Thrill of Victory.....

2011-11-26T19:43:00.005-05:00

.....THE AGONY OF DEFEAT!!!!

After 7 frustrating, painful, and abnormal seasons..
All is symetrical again in the Heart of America.
Michigan Wolverines 40 The Buckeyes 34

Monkey Man, I'll catch you next week.
I'm WAYYYYY to giddy with excitement to think about
posting anything.....Go Blue!!!

Friday Flash 55.....

2011-11-24T20:00:00.001-05:00

I loved helping my Grandma at Thanksgiving.
Sure, I got the boring jobs...
Breaking up bread for the stuffing.
Grinding cranberries for the relish.
Rolling out the crusts for the Pumpkin and Mince-Meat Pie.
Peeling potatoes, cleaning out squash, observing
and learning all I could.
Alvena Margaret...Here's hoping I've done you proud!!

If you or anyone you know has written a Friday Flash 55
Please come tell The G-Man
I will visit, read, enjoy, comment...Then BOOK!!!
So from the most Stuffed Host from coast to coast...
Have a Kick Ass Week-End...Happy Thanksgiving!!!

Thursday Portrait.....

2011-11-23T20:00:00.001-05:00

What a beautiful Late November Day!
I had to work, so I had a friend
of mine deliver a note to my buddy Barry.
I haven't heard back from him yet....
Happy Thanksgiving Everybody!!!
See ya 8:00 PM Thursday EST.

Haiku Wednesday.....

2011-11-22T20:00:00.000-05:00

Thanksgiving Quandry.
Pecan/Pumpkin Dilemmas...
A piece of EACH please!!!

Is it Wednesday? Do you Haiku? Yes?
Then write one on your blog, and visit Jenn at
Sensational Haiku Wednesday!
This weeks "Theme" is Ponder.
Happy Thanksgiving to all The Yanks!!

TMI Tuesday....

2011-11-21T20:00:00.000-05:00

A Mr. Richard Smoker from Bendover Connecticut asks..

"Dear Mr. Knowitall, I'm doing a term paper on Freedom
of Speech, and I'm wondering, do you know of any words that
CANNOT be spoken in public"?

Dear Richard...Of course I do!!
In fact, I'm giving you a word so vile and disgusting, that
you will actually resent me for even making you
aware of this word! It should never be uttered aloud. It should
never be thought of. That word is...Felch!
In fact, it's so disgusting that I can't bring myself to
even give you the definition...Google it!

(WARNING: If you puke...Don't Blame Me!)
Mr. Knowitall grows weary and queasy just thinking of Felching.
If this ain't TMI, I don't know what is....Good Evening.

P.S. If you already know the meaning of Felching. Shame on You!

Monday....

2011-11-20T19:49:00.004-05:00

'Come on, try a line, it'll keep you alert.'
I snorted two long, wide, powdery lines...
It was FANTASTIC!
Every idea was Earth-Saving.
Every word uttered was profound.
In Reality every thought was a Madman's Raving.
My inhibitions unbound.
I could see clearly... (Or so I assumed)
In a matter of weeks I was amongst the Lost Ones,
The Damned, The Liars...The Consumed!
I lost;
My Home
My Friends
My Family
My Dreams
My Raison D'Etre
My Self-Esteem
I stole, I begged, I left no bridge Unburned.
I have nothing left.
That original Moment of Enlightenment,
was destined to never return!!
As I put the barrel to my temple, The depths of
my addiction suddenly became apparant.
I had pawned all of My Bullets!

Hey, if Vegas and Broadway can have Dark Monday,
So can The G-Man!!
Happy Holidays Everybody....:-)

All

Sunday 160...

2011-11-19T22:52:00.003-05:00

Do you have any Tylenol?
No!
Do you have any Advil?
No!
Do you have any plain ole Bayer Aspirin?
No!
Well, what DO you have for a headache?
We have Duck Penis, and Chicken Lips.
Uh..How much for the Duck Penis?
Real Duck Penis, or generic?
Arrrgh...Never mind!

Is it Sunday? Can you write Micro-Fiction using
EXACTLY 160 characters? Yes? Then post one on
your blog, and go tell The Monkey Man...HERE!

Friday Flash 55.....

2011-11-17T20:00:00.001-05:00

Rick Perry: "And if I'm elected President, I plan on getting
rid of The Dept's. of Commerce, Education, and, and,...
Treasury? No wait...Homeland Security?"

Herman Cain: "Hey Bitch, come here, let me see that Snatch!"

Mitt Romney: "Ya know...I AM one handsome bastard"!

Michelle Bachmann: "Oh Fuck! I chipped a nail"!

Newt Gingrich: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Obama's looking pretty good isn't he?
If you or anyone you know has written a Friday Flash 55
Please come tell The G-Man!
I will visit, read, enjoy, comment, Then...BOOK!
So from the most Democratic Host from Coast to Coast.
Have a Kick Ass Week-End

Thursday Portrait....

2011-11-16T20:00:00.002-05:00

OK...I can't make this shit up!
While checking my 'Fortune' today, I was
seeing what my Lucky Numbers might be.
Since the Chinese read from Right to Left, I added
6..48..17..46..That totals...117
Now subtract 36 and 26, that leaves a total of...55!!!
WTF????
That number seems to follow me everywhere I go.
INCLUDING the post that follows this one Tomorrow
evening at 8:00 PM EST...Hehehehehe

Haiku Wednesday....

2011-11-15T20:00:00.002-05:00

Think hard, is this true....?
The takers, get the Honey.
Givers sing the Blues!

Is it Wednesday? Do You Haiku? Yes?
Post one on your Blog, then visit Jenn at...
Sensational Haiku Wednesday!
This weeks Haiku Theme is...Meditate.

Retro Chicks....

2011-11-14T19:30:00.002-05:00

Timeless Images of Stunning Beauty.
Rita...Ava...Veronica.
I have no point per se.
I just love women of the 40's with long hair.
See ya Tomorrow...(sigh)

Comfort Food Sunday....

2011-11-13T20:00:00.000-05:00

Dreary, blustery Days are meant for laying low and...
Cooking!!!
Apple Crisp..Baked Spare Ribs...Parmesian Mashed Potatoes!
Oh yeah, it was Goooooooooood!
Have a Kick Ass Week....G

Coffee Talk Sunday 160...

2011-11-12T23:00:00.000-05:00

I entered a contest with a local paper.
They offered a fabulous prize for the Best Pun!
To enhance my chances, I submitted Ten entries.
I didn't win...No Pun In Ten Did!!!

Is it Sunday? Can you write Micro-Fiction using only
160 characters EXACTLY? Yes? Then post one on your blog
and go visit The Monkey Man....Here!
Do you know what 2/3rds of a pun is? P..U..

Friday Flash Fif-Tea Five.....

2011-11-10T20:00:00.000-05:00

As the Limosine sped briskly down Boston's
narrow streets, the back seat was steeping
with activity...
"Mr. Bigelow! (SLAP) You may NOT taste my
little Red Rose, and please stop staring at
my Tetleys! Also put your Pekoe away, I'm
not putting my Liptons that"!
She said heatedly, then thought.....
("This guy has Salada nerve"!!!!)

Groan on until you're Black and Green in the face....
All this Tea Party talk is sooo inspirational.
If you or anyone you know has written a Friday Flash 55
Please come tell The G-Man
I will visit, read, enjoy, comment...Then BOOK!!!
So from the most Herbal Host from coast to coast
Have a Kick Ass Oolong Week-End!!!

Thursday Portrait.....

2011-11-09T20:00:00.000-05:00

In the Midnight Hour, he cried Fifty Five!
With a Rebel Yell, he cried FIFTY-FIVE!!!!
Thats right...Billy Idol turns 55 this month.
How do I look? Do I have "The Sneer" down pretty good?
At least I don't have Herpes like Billy...hehehehe
See ya Thursday 8:00 PM EST.
Say, thats a nice day for a........White Wedding!

Haiku Wednesday.....

2011-11-08T20:00:00.001-05:00

You don't give a shit?
Tired of those "Fleeting" moments?
An Apple a day......

Is it Wednesday? Do you Haiku? Yes?
Then post one on your blog, and go visit Jenn at...
Sensational Haiku Wednesday!
Every week she has a 'Theme'.
This weeks theme is Fleeting.
Maybe she meant that in a different way?

TMI Tuesday.....

2011-11-07T20:00:00.000-05:00

A Mr. "Jugs" Mahoney from Lake Winnebago Wisconsin asks...
'Dear Mr. Knowitall, I'd like to get my girl-friend something
sexy from Victoria's Secret, and I don't know a thing about
bra sizes. Could you help me out?'

Dear Jugs...Of course I can!
Now pay close attention...
A-cup...Almost Boobies
B-cup...Barely Boobies
C-cup...Can't complain
D-cup...Dang!
DD-cup..Double Dang!!
E-cup...Enormous
F-cup...Fake
G-cup...Get a reduction
H-cup...HELP! I've fallen and I can't get up!!!

That should help you out a bit Jugs. Also you probably
should know that Bras have religious affiliations....
For Example:
The Catholic Bra...Supports the Masses
The Salvation Army Bra...Lifts the Fallen
The Presbyterian Bra...Keeps them Staunch and Upright
The Baptist Bra...Makes Mountains out of Mole Hills

Jugs....All this Tit Talk is making Mr. Knowitall Weary.

Good Night...er Ta Ta!!!

Slow Ride...Take it Easy......

2011-11-06T21:00:00.000-05:00

I don't care what month it is...
If it's Sunny, dry, and 60, I'm Ridin-N-Grillin!!
Ole Barney purrs like a kitten in this cool weather.
I marinated some boneless/skinless chicken breasts in
a Jamaican Jerk sauce overnight. I also made some Pesto
from Almonds (instead of pine-nuts), Basil, Garlic, and
slices of fresh Parmesian, with Olive Oil, dumped over
some Rotini pasta. In the Acorn squash halves, I made
2 halves savory (Butter basil a garlic clove Sea Salt),
and I made 2 halves with Butter, Maple Syrup, Cinnemon,
and fresh grated Nutmeg. The bottom pic is the finished
product. Often times over the jerk chicken seedless
Blackberry preserves are slathered.
It was YUMMY!!
The Ride was Grand.
Have a Kick Ass Week Peeps!!

Sunday 160.....

2011-11-05T22:00:00.000-04:00

(Translated from French)
I'm still alive!!
I'm still alive!!
God help me Please!
I can't feel my legs!
I can't feel my arms!
I can't feel my body!
The crowd is cheering.
They hate me
They hate me...
Bless me Father for I have sinned...
(Fade to black...)

Is it Sunday? Can you write Micro-Fiction using
only 160 Characters? Yes? Then post it on your
Blog and go visit The Monkey Man....Here!

Friday Flash 55.....

2011-11-03T20:00:00.002-04:00

"Here comes Galen, he NEVER shuts-up,
Lemme try something simple.
Hey G, got the time"?

Tony...I am greatly embarrassed and deeply humiliated,
but due to unforseen occurances in the Celestial Movements,
I cannot with any degree of accuracy state the correct time.
However, without fear of being too far wrong,
I can safely say........

Do you know anybody that just can't answer a simple question
without droning on and on and on and on and on and on....?
Do you know anybody that has written a Friday Flash 55?
Yes? Then ask them to come visit The G-Man.
I will visit, read, enjoy, comment...Then BOOK!!
So from the most verbose host from coast to coast...
Have a Kick Ass Week-End!!

Thursday Portrait.....

2011-11-02T20:00:00.000-04:00

I bought a couple of scratch off Lottery
tickets tonight. Upon first glance, it kinda
looks like Fat 55!!!
How appropriate eh? Hahahahahahaha
See you Thursday at 8:00 PM EST

Haiku Wednesday.....

2011-11-01T20:00:00.003-04:00

"Till Death Do Us Part"...
Or else Seventy-Two days.
Which ever comes first!

That darn Kimmy K...
Who says she has NO talent?
She EXCELS at Scams!!

Is it Wednesday? Do you Haiku? Yes?
Then post one on your blog, and visit Jenn at
Sensational Haiku Wednesday!
This weeks 'Theme' is...Excel.

It's Official.....!!!!

2011-10-31T20:00:00.000-04:00

Today the World population reached SEVEN BILLION!!!
On behalf of all the environmentally conscious citizens
of planet Earth, we would like to send a warm and
resounding "Cross Your Legs You Stupid Fuckers" to ...
The Duggers
Octo-Mom
Kate Gosselin
Whew!!! I feel much better ...Thanks!!

Happy Halloween!!

2011-10-30T20:00:00.001-04:00

Happy Halloween Everybody...
What a Great Week-End!
How did YOUR team do Saturday?
Have a Wonderful Week Y'all!!!

Sunday 160.....

2011-10-29T22:00:00.000-04:00

Here lies the rotting corpse of...
Moamar Gadafi
Moammar Gaddafi
Mohmar Gaddaffi
Moahmar Kaddafi
Moammar Kadaffi
Mohamar Kadafi
Moamhar Quaddaffi
Moammar Fucking Quaddafi
Infidel!!!

Is it Sunday? Can you write Micro-Fiction
in EXACTLY 160 characters? Yes? Then post one
on your blog and go tell The Monkey Man...Here!

Friday Flash 55.....

2011-10-27T20:00:00.003-04:00

"Bobby...Look at the booty on that chick"!
.....Tom said asininely.
'Yikes Tom, I don't see anything attractive about her'
.....His friend said blindly.
"Oops, never mind...She's sporting a wedding ring".
.....Tom said with abandon.
'You're killin me.'
.....Bobby croaked.
"Grrrrr, I'm just very "Needy". My left hand is overworked!
.....Tom said callously.

Remember those 'Tom Swifties' growing up?
A phrase or a quoted sentence linked by a related pun?
No? Then you are WAYYYY too young!!
If you or anyone you know has written a Friday Flash 55
Please come tell The G-Man
I will visit, read, enjoy, comment....Then BOOK!!
So from the most punny host from coast to coast...
Have a Kick Ass Week-End...G-Man said Punishingly!

Thursday Portrait...

2011-10-26T20:00:00.001-04:00

Stately...Oddly out of place.
Yellow makes you GLOW!!
Many said that you would never live to be this age.
But you not only survived...You Thrived!
Pictures taken at exactly.....5:55 PM
I just LOVE ambiguity...hehehehe
See you tomorrow at 8:00 PM EST.
....G said assumingly!!

Haiku Wednesday...

2011-10-25T20:00:00.000-04:00

Time CREEPS up on most.
For some, They should be scared stiff...
...He's SPRINTING to YOU!

Is it Wednesday? Do You Haiku? Yes?
Then post one on your blog and visit Jenn at
Sensational Haiku Wednesday!
This weeks Haiku Theme is ...Scare.

TMI Tuesday.....,

2011-10-24T20:00:00.001-04:00

A Mr. This Little Piggy from Ames Iowa asks (Trembling)....

"Dear Mr. Knowitall, is it true? Is IT returning?"

'Dear Mr. This Little Piggy...Oui, Oui, Oui!!!

First introduced in 1982, This Heaven on a Bun, comes and goes
periodically. Because it is not always readily available, it
has developed sort of a cult following when it returns.
Mechanically separated pork (Mostly Shoulder), is chopped and
seasoned, formed into a rib mold, then flash-frozen.
The whole process from fresh pig to McRib takes about 45 minutes.
Added to the pork is salt, water, dextrose, BHA, BHT, Propyl
Gallate, and Citric Acid. The last FOUR ingredients are used to
keep oils from going rancid .
Including a sweet sauce, slivered onions, pickles, and a white bun,
it has 500 Calories, 26 grams of Fat, and 897 mg's of Sodium.
Bon Appetit!!!!

(Available at participating McDonalds from now until December 5th)

Brown Baggin it.....

2011-10-23T18:06:00.003-04:00

Hi Everybody!!!
I hope you all had a Kick Ass Week-End.
Today I did 2 of my favorite things in life,
Rode My Hog, and did a little Slowwwww Cooking!
Don't let anyone tell you that you can't cook great
Brisket or Pulled Pork in the oven.
I put a dry rub on each piece of meat last night.
This morning at 10:00 I covered eack pan with foil,
I sprinkled generously some liquid smoke over the meat first.
I baked it for 5 hours at 275, then uncovered them and
baked for another 2 hours.
The bone in the shoulder pulled right out, and the meat
separated with very little effort. The brisket had a wonderful
flavor, and I think that Reese and I will eat like Kings for the
next couple of days.
Have a Great Week Everybody....G

Sunday 160...

2011-10-22T23:00:00.001-04:00

Like the Sun on the trees you learned to love me.
Like a leaf on a breeze you blew away.
The birds fly South against the Darkened sky.
My life will be forever Autumn.
Cause you're not here...

Is it Sunday? Can you write Micro-Fiction in 160
characters EXACTLY? Yes? Then post one on your blog
and go visit The Monkey Man....Here!

Friday Flash 55.....

2011-10-20T20:00:00.001-04:00

I seem to notice them more these days.
Circling....Circling Patiently.
I used to ponder over why they are circling.
Road Kill? Some unfound carcass shot by an unskilled
hunter? A dumped murder victim?
Then, like anything else that comes with age, The Epiphany!
You silly old fool, they are circling YOU!
Circling.....Waiting Patiently.

Maybe it's my cologne....Woodchuck Musk!
If you or anyone you know has written a Friday Flash 55
Please come tell The G-Man
I will visit, read, enjoy, comment....Then BOOK!!!
So from the most gracious host from coast to coast...
Have a Buzzard-Free and Kick Ass Week-End!!

Thursday Portrait.....

2011-10-19T20:00:00.001-04:00

Today GM is shooting a National Corporate Genuine
GM Parts and Service commercial. They are dumping The
Mr. Goodwrench logo. They are using our great facilities
here at Vic Canever Chevrolet because we are the Model
Dealership for how the 'New Look' is going to all be by 2013!
If you were to enter a Chevy store in say.....1955? These
are a few of the Now Classic Chevrolets that you would be
drooling over.
BTW...That hard working Service Tech that is scowling at the
camera is my son Reese...He turns 22 TODAY!!!
Hurray for paying his own bills finally...
See ya Thursday at 8:00 PM EST....hehehehe

Haiku Wednesday.....

2011-10-18T20:00:00.001-04:00

Jean-Claude...? Excuse me.
Why is your Lap so Lumpy?
"Cheri...? DeBonnaire!!!"

Is it Wednesday? Do You Haiku?
Oui? Post one on your Blog and go visit
Jenn at Sensational Haiku Wednesday...ICI!!!
Each week she has a Theme.
This week the theme is Debonnaire!
Merci Mes Amies...hehehehe

TMI Tuesday.....

2011-10-17T20:00:00.000-04:00

Some posts just don't require texts do they?
See ya tommorrow....

(Christina...? You just ruined my appetite for Clams and Taco's)

Moo Moo Monday.....

2011-10-16T20:00:00.000-04:00

Hi Everybody...
I hope you all had a Kick Ass Week-End,
Mine Sucked Big Time!!
I'm not talking about it....

So....Did anyone go to Cave Creek Arizona this
week end? For the Crazy (Stupid) and Daring (Really Stupid),
you can now save Thousands in travel and Spanish medical
expenses by "Running With The Bulls in Cave Creek"!!!
Yep...Runnin With The Bulls in the good ole USA!!!
I don't know about you, but I'd MUCH rather have a Bull's
Horn rammed up my ass in THIS country. You agree?
Besides...I think after all those years those Pamplona Bulls
are finally Zeroing in on Spanish Bung. Check out that last
pic...A Two-Fer Eh?
I'm puckerin here, I'm puckerin.....

Sunday 160....

2011-10-15T23:53:00.004-04:00

(I think that chick is Paris Hilton,
and I think she's winking at me...)
Uh, excuse me, Miss Hilton.? Hi,I noticed
that you winked at me and...Paris, I'm over here,
no over here, hey over here..

Is it Sunday? Can you write Micro-Fiction using
160 characters EXACTLY? Yes? Then post it on your
blog and go visit Monkey Man....Here!

Friday Flash 55.....

2011-10-13T20:00:00.003-04:00

"Tomare...Everyone get back, QUICKLY!!!
Leave hands at side, do not touch anything!
We wise to you and your sinister plot."

'There is no sinister plot...
How dare you detain me for no reason?'

"No reason?
A Japanese man would NEVER have a huge bulge
in pants like that. You must be hiding BOMB!!"

(Tomare...A pork filled Corn Massa treat steamed in a husk)
(Just kidding...It's Japanese for STOP!)
Shhhhh... No PC diatribes, it's SATIRE!!!
If you or anyone you know has written a Friday Flash 55
Please come tell The G-Man
I will visit, read, enjoy, comment....Then BOOK!!!
So from the most gracious host from coast to coast...
Have a Kick Ass Week-End!

Thursday Portrait......

2011-10-12T20:00:00.000-04:00

The PERFECT morning....
A Little THC (Tim Horton's Coffee) and ROV (The Rock
of Virginia)! Thats 96.3 on your FM dial.

Oh My...Look at the time!
I've gotta go post something for Friday.
(...Or 8:00 PM EST Thursday) Hehehehe.

Sensational Haiku Wednesday.....

2011-10-11T20:00:00.000-04:00

I Love Fava Beans
I'm not so keen on RARE brains
I Hate Chianti!!

Is it Wednesday? Do You Haiku? Yes?
Post one on your blog and visit Jenn....Here!
She hosts Sensational Haiku Wednesday, this weeks
theme is....Rare!

Tuesday Toss-Up.....

2011-10-10T20:00:00.000-04:00

Poor Tiger Woods!
As he was getting ready to putt yesterday at a golf
tournement, some Ass-Hole yelled his name and tossed
a Hot Dog onto the green. The man was just a publicity
seeker and meant no harm, but he was quickly arrested
and later charged with Disorderly Conduct.
This is just one more weird item that Woods has had to
dodge over the years. Here is a partial list of the Madness
that has been thrown his way...
Numerous poorly chucked fruits and vegetables.
A German Potato Masher
A Black Bear cub
Scottish Kittens
A Caber
A pair of Britanny Spears spoiled panties
Used condoms
A Vera Wang peep-toed pump (Size 8, the Left one)
Car keys to a Ford Edsel
A full bottle of Dad's Old Fashioned Root Beer
A free ticket to a Joe Peschi Film Festival!!
The list goes on...
The price you pay for Fame and Fortune!
I'm glad that I'm a poor NOBODY....:-)

Musical Monday.....

2011-10-09T20:36:00.002-04:00

I'm getting in the spirit (Pun Intended).
No one ever sits through the You-Tube, so pretend
this is a poem written by Alice Cooper...Enjoy!

One thing, I miss, is Cold Ethyl and her skeleton kiss.
We met, last night, making love by the refridgerator light;
Ethyl Ethyl let me squeeze you in my arms
Ethyl Ethyl come and freeze me with your charms
One Thing
No Lie
Ethyls frigid as an Eskimo Pie
She's Cool
In Bed
Well she oughtta be, cuz Ethyls Dead!
One Thing
It's True
Cold Ethyl I am stuck on you
And Everything is....My Way
Ethyl don't have much to say
Cold Ethyl
Cold Cold Ethyl
Cold Ethyl
Cold Cold Ethyl
If I live...To 97
You'll still be waiting in Refridgerator Heaven
Cuz your Cool...On Ice
Cold Ethyl Your My Paradise.

I'm back...Safe and Sound!
I've seen the stage production TWICE of...
Welcome To My Nightmare!!
It's KICK-ASS!!!!
See Y'all Tomorrow....G

Sunday 160.....

2011-10-09T00:28:00.004-04:00

Pssst Galen...
I quickly turned around,
only to see the heavy blackness of the unlit alley!
I smiled, and began my speel;
Ladies and Gentlemen, This Ghost Tour...

Is it Sunday? Can you write Micro-Fiction
in 160 characters? Yes? Then post it on your
blog, and go tell Monkey Man...Here!
I'm headed home from a Wonderful Hiatus.
See You Tonight.....G

Friday Flash 55.....

2011-10-06T20:00:00.001-04:00

London England, Circa 1861...
A lonely man sits in a pub, staring at his ale.

"Tom...Whats wrong?

'Whats wrong? I'll tell you...
I've put my whole life into my business. My product
will revolutionize plumbing. But will I ever be rich?
What will be my legacy? Who will remember the name of...
Thomas Crapper?'

If you or anyone you know has written a Friday Flash 55
Please come tell The G-Man
I will visit, read, enjoy, comment...Then Book
So from the Crappiest Host from coast to coast...
Have a Kick Ass Week-End!!!

Now Remember, I'm on Vacation, But I MAY be around some.
Be supportive of other 55ers. Visit a few, be gracious.
If you want to be read, Go Read Some and COMMENT!!!!!

Thursday Portrait.....

2011-10-05T20:00:00.004-04:00

Hats off to ESPN for dropping the opening
song from Monday Night Football.
For those of you that don't give a Rat's Ass,
Hank Williams Jr. during a recent interview on that
"bastion of truth" network FOX, compared our President
Barry O'Bama to Adolf Hitler!!
That Bocephus Mother Fucker needs to keep his Redneck
Pie-Hole Shut!
ESPN has used Hank Jr.'s Song 'Are You Ready For Some
Football' as it's intro for FIFTY-FIVE straight Monday
Night games now, but they pulled the plug after that right
wing rant. Besides, I don't think O'Bama hates Jews. Before
he met Michelle, he used to bang Whoopi Goldberg!! Isn't she
a Sephardic Jew? Anyway, just because one might look like
Der Fueher, doesn't mean you're a'One-Nut,Paper-Hangin Megalamaniac'!
Yes folks, I'm in Virginia now, see you Thursday 8:00 PM for
The Friday Funfest...Auf Wiedersehen!!!

Haiku Wednesday.....

2011-10-04T20:00:00.000-04:00

Some words of advice
Please don't wear Polyester
When lighting a Fart!!

Do you Haiku? Is it Wednesday? Yes?
Post one on your blog, then go visit Jenn over at,
Sensational Haiku Wednesday....Here.
This weeks theme is...FLARE!